


Love Me Softly

by damntrobed



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Reunions, added the explicit tags bc nsfw content, troy and abed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 44,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24621193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damntrobed/pseuds/damntrobed
Summary: Previously titled "Troy and Abed in a Fanfic!"Classic Troy and Abed reunion fic to fix the whole left in your heart Dan Harmon created.
Relationships: Abed Nadir & Jeff Winger, Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 39
Kudos: 262





	1. i need help reacting to something

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> i thought of the song i have written there while i was writing about abed. it kind of fits him well i think. have a listen if you'd like.  
> hope you enjoy. comments/criticisms/kudos all welcomed and appreciated.  
> much love to you all.

**Scrawny - Wallows**

**_Tell me I’m a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle._ **

Abed rolled over to the sound of his alarm clock, slapping a hand on top of it, then swung his legs to hang over the edge of his bed, feet not quite reaching the floor. Since he moved to Los Angeles, he decided it was time for bigger things and better things. So he’d replaced the twin bed and Inspector Spacetime bedsheets Annie got him back in Colorado for a queen and a plain black comforter with plain black sheets. Fitting for his mood.

Normally he’d feel inclined to reach his arms over his head and fake a big yawn (a call-back to any movie you could think of), but since he left Greendale, he hadn’t felt the urge. He looked out the small window by his bed at the tight buildings around him, a sliver of sunlight cutting through to barely illuminate his bedroom. If this was a movie, no buildings would be blocking the morning light, birds would be chirping, and it would be so bright outside you’d think it was noon despite the clock reading 7:00AM. Abed gave a small sigh as he leaned over to turn on the lamp on his bedside table, then pushed himself off the bed and moved towards his closet.

What once was filled with bright t-shirts, hoodies, flannels, and cardigans now only held neutral-colored button-ups, sweaters, and dark denim jeans. His workplace didn’t allow for a ton of deviation from the dress code, despite being one of the most lax cities in the country in terms of things like workplace attire. He pulled out a pair of skinny jeans, a white button up and a navy sweater and laid them out on his bed.

As he walked over to his dresser, he stubbed his toe on the corner of his bedpost, and cursed under his breath. He hadn’t been much of a swearer until he moved. A lot of things changed when he moved.

He pulled open the top drawer and pulled out a pair of navy dress socks, pushed the drawer back in, and bent down to pick up the brown leather shoes he liked to wear most often. He set the socks inside the shoes, and placed the shoes on the floor, directly underneath where he had laid his clothes out. Every now and again he wanted to turn back into Old Abed and wear brightly colored t-shirts with hoodies that didn’t match, and his Converse. But this was New Abed. LA Abed. Adult Abed. Adults don’t wear mis-matched clothes and ratty tennis shoes meant for teenagers. Adults wore plain clothes and sweaters over dress shirts, and jeans on “casual Friday”. He grabbed his phone off the wireless charging pad on his nightstand and went to the kitchen to make himself breakfast.

In place of cereal, Abed had started eating oatmeal and drinking coffee. Both were bland, and not much of Abed’s taste (or texture, in terms of the oatmeal), but he’d practiced enough at home to not make a face when he coworkers offered it to him on the early morning shifts in the break room, and now he just ate it so he didn’t slip up in the future. He missed Lucky Charms and chocolate milk, but those weren’t adult breakfast things. That’s something he used to do.

He scrolled mindlessly through Facebook, nothing catching his eye, then switched to Twitter. He didn’t follow very many people, just a few of his favorite directors and actors (Courtney Cox was the first person he followed, even though he promised Jeff it would be him), and the rest of the study group. It took a long time before Abed could follow Troy. Troy had followed him within an hour of Abed making his profile. He swiped through pictures of Britta’s new cat (that frankly was so old it looked inches from death), and liked a post Annie had tweeted about moving to a new spot in downtown DC. But when he got to the top of his feed he dropped his spoon into his oatmeal, splattering it all over his white tank top. He clicked on the video link.

_Hey Abed! It’s Troy. I don’t know how active you are on Twitter, and your old number says it doesn’t work anymore, so this is a long shot. But I know you’re in LA now, and I’m done with my trip! I really hope you see this, because I want to see you. I’m docking in Santa Monica at 3:00, October 19th. I missed you, buddy. I want to see you. I’m sorry it took me so long. I hope you’ll be there, cause I’ll be waiting._ Though his eyes looked almost sad, a huge grin was plastered to Troy’s face, now bearded and…adult. He gave a thumbs up and a wave, then the video ended.

Abed sat speechless for a moment. It had been almost four years, they had passed the three and a half year mark about four months ago. He didn’t think he’d ever talk to Troy again.

It would be an understatement to say Abed was hurt when Troy left. He was heartbroken. He let the love of his life leave on a boat and didn’t put up a fight besides starting Floor is Lava. The speech he gave Troy wasn’t even the half of how he felt, barely a quarter of it. He had been fully in love with Troy, but didn’t ever have the guts to say it to his face. They got lucky with the two of them living together, that there hadn’t been too much of a good thing, in fact it brought them even closer. That was when Abed first noticed his feelings for Troy. But there was always a nagging in the back of his head that _that_ would be the tipping point. That would be too much and only too much. No good thing attached if Troy didn’t feel the same way. So he bit his tongue when he watched Troy leave, and he bit his tongue when his friends tried to cheer him up by saying he was fine (F-I-N-E, but they didn’t know the difference), and cried himself to sleep for six months.

He tried to think about how his feelings for Troy had changed over the years, if they had at all. He had been hurt, but Troy didn’t do the hurting to him personally. It was Abed’s own fault for being hurt, because he never gave it a shot. It didn’t make it any easier to try and engage with Troy, since barely a month of trying to make phone calls work at the beginning of his journey became weekly texts became birthday (or day coinciding with expulsion) texts became nothing. He had buried all of that deep down when he decided to move to California. Clone Abed was tired of putting on a brave face. It was time for Real Abed to move on.

But he still loved Troy. A lot. So much so that all of a sudden all of those childish emotions came rushing back and suddenly Abed felt like he was back in Greendale, sitting on the left of his best friend and love of his life in a fluorescent-lit study room. And then the gears running in his head caught up to him and he processed what was happening enough to be aware of the fact that holy shit _Troy_ was going to be here _today_.

He felt his jaw go a little slack, and if that wasn’t cliche enough, he bolted to his bedroom to change his entire outfit. It was childish and stupid but he didn’t feel like himself in those clothes, despite wearing slightly different variations the same ten outfits every week since he started the job. He had to have some clothes that resembled Old Abed, but as he tore his closet apart, he found nothing. _How did Annie let me get rid of practically_ all _of my old clothes?_ He looked at his clock - 7:17. He hadn’t been late to work in the whole two years and seven months he’d worked there, and he had been a very diligent employee, so what was one day? He quickly ripped the dirty tank top off, tossing it in the general direction of his hamper, and pulled the sweater over his head, and scrambled to put his jeans on, moving faster than he had to get ready in ages.

_Why am I getting ready so fast? He isn’t docking until 3. And even then that’s probably only an estimate, you could give yourself another hour at most for delays and with traffic it could be even longer and- You’re spiraling. Quit spiraling, you dumb fuck. Think logically._

Abed paused, one pant leg on and the other halfway up his leg. Call in sick. Just for today he could play hooky. He pulled his jeans the rest of the way on and went back to the kitchen for his phone. He swiped out of Twitter and pulled up his contacts. On his Favorite Callers list was Jeff, Annie, and Link (Boss). He clicked the last one and waited patiently as the dial tone rang.

“Hello?” A deep, croaky voice came through the speaker.

“Hi, Link. I’m feeling a bit under the weather today.” Abed threw in a couple of fake coughs to make it plausible. “I’m going to swing by the doctor, but I don’t think I’ll be coming into work today.”

“Yeah, alright, just be in early to set tomorrow. And stay to wrap, we’re shorthanded as is.” Before Abed could get another word in, the line went dead.

_Incredible. One of the worst performances of my career and he never doubted it for a second._ Abed was sure that wasn’t true, but hey, the call-backs live on.

He was starting to feel like himself for the first time since Troy had left.

He straightened out the sweater he had haphazardly thrown on, and calmly walked to the bathroom. His hair was a mess, slightly longer now since he had left Colorado, enough to style it with some pomade and fit in with everyone else in California without dying it. He took a dime-size amount of product and pushed his hair slightly up and to the side, out of the way of his eyes and barely tickling the top of his forehead. He had looked up the phrase “cool hairstyle” when he first moved to LA, because he didn’t trust Jeff and all of his narcissism to give him any real advice, and Annie and Britta would have only wanted to play hairdresser for a day than actually help him. So he picked the first image out that he found easy to manage and not completely outrageous and never deviated.

He brushed his teeth and flossed and did all the other things that would normally be covered in a montage without being drawn out, and headed back to his bedroom. He pulled the dress socks and shoes on, regretting only in that moment not keeping his old Converse, but he had time. He’d just go fix himself up like Old Abed, and then he’d be able to go see Troy. He didn’t want to disappoint Troy by being somebody else. By being New Abed. He grabbed his wallet off his dresser, swung by the kitchen to grab his phone, stuck both in his pocket, and picked up his keys off the rack on his way out the door, locking it behind him.

Today was almost as good as you see in the movies.

..

It took Abed 45 minutes before he found a reputable thrift store to his liking, filled with graphic tees and colorful jackets and flannels. He grabbed a handful of each and a pair of worn black Converse off the shoe rack (the last pair in his size, miraculously), and headed to the dressing room.

He carefully took off his New Abed clothes and folded them gently on the bench, and then he looked in the mirror. He hadn’t been able to look at himself since Troy had left, probably because Troy was the only person who ever made him feel good about his frame. Memories ran through his head in a dream-sequence, something that would definitely be overlaid with a soft filter and a quiet, dreamy song playing in the background.

_Troy and Abed sat on the edge of the sidewalk, arms resting on bent knees, breaths heaving slightly. A couple of kids had just yelled out some insulting words to Abed, mostly about his physical appearance amongst other things, and Abed had just kind of shut down and taken a seat. “They’re right.” Abed said flatly. “I am pretty scrawny. And twig-like. And I think I heard something about Gumby but that would be accurate, as well.” Troy scoffed loudly. “You have the ideal body of an athlete, Abed, believe me! Your long legs make your running stride longer, so you’re faster and more nimble, just look at Usain Bolt, he’s not huge and jacked. And you’ve got a six-pack without even trying! How could you ever feel bad about yourself when you look like that?_ ” _Abed shook his head, and felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him in close. “Perfect as you are, don’t forget it.” Troy said. Abed’s breath hitched as he nodded.  
.  
__Troy and Abed trudged through the wet grass, rain beating down around them. They hadn’t anticipated a small storm on their evening stroll outside of campus, and at this point, walking wasn’t going to make them worse off than trying to sprint back to Abed’s dorm, so they just walked silently. The white shirt Abed had put on clung to his body, and Troy had since removed the sweatshirt he was wearing because it was heavy with water. Abed had tried not to stare at Troy’s abs, he_ really _did, but he didn’t move fast enough when Troy caught his gaze. “What’s wrong?” He asked him, looking down at his stomach as if something was stuck to him. “Nothing.” Abed answered honestly, and when Troy continued to look at him without saying anything, he realized he was supposed to further his explanation. “It’s just, you look chiseled_ and _well-nourished and athletic, meanwhile I constantly look like I drew my muscles on to cover up the rib exposure.” Troy laughed. “Please, Abed. I’d rather have your body than this one. It just reminds me that I was a douchebag jock in high school that cared about his appearance too much. Your’s is natural, mine is fake and manipulated.” Abed looked down at his own stomach and gave an airy chuckle. “Come on-“ He couldn’t finish his sentence before Troy was reaching for his shirt and trying to pull it over his head while they walked. “Show it off, Abed. You’re perfect the way you are. Why would you compare yourself to others when you have everything working for you?”  
__.  
“Abed?” Troy asked, standing in the doorway of their apartment, watching Abed do curls with weights that looked way bigger than Abed should be handling. He was dripping in sweat, shirtless, and clearly straining as he tried to continue curling. “’Sup?” Abed breathed out, clearly putting on a Jeff persona, then dropped down to the floor, abandoning the weights and reaching for his biceps. “What are you- Why are you- What?” Troy walked over to look at the weight on the dumbbells, and was shocked to see that it was as much as he was curling when he was at the peak of his athleticism. “I was trying to build up some more muscle, get a little bigger.” Abed managed to heave out, taking deep gulps of air in between every other word. “Abed,” Troy squatted in front of him and placed a hand on Abed’s knee. Abed swallowed heavily, not because he was out of breath. “We talked about this. You’ve got a great body as it is, you don’t need to do anymore.” Troy gave a reassuring smile, and Abed felt his heart flutter. “I’m scrawny, Troy.” “You’re perfect, Abed.” He patted his knee and stood up, offering a hand out to help Abed stand. His knees were wobbly, but it certainly wasn’t from Troy’s hand holding his as he balanced him. Definitely not. _

Abed cocked his head to the side and held his arms a little away from his body, reminiscing deeply in those memories, bathing in the words Troy said to him. He was skinnier since he left Greendale, a ghost of his ribs poking through his skin. And his once-defined abs had been reduced to a shadow of what was, barely visible. He smiled as he thought about what Troy had said then about him, and being _perfect_. That was never a word used to describe him before, but Troy threw it around so flippantly about him you would have thought Abed was Aristotle’s Ideal Man. Then he looked up to meet himself in the eyes. His hair still looked good, at least.

_I’m a scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle. Just like that song_.

He pulled the t-shirt over his head, a pale green with the Polaroid logo on it. Then he pulled on a striped cardigan with all different colors of the rainbow (except, of course, the green of the shirt. It’s not supposed to match). The black ripped jeans were the only pair in both his waist and length. Troy had been right about his legs being long, it was nearly impossible to find both without getting a pair hemmed at the waist. Then he pulled the shoes on and backed up to the wall opposite the mirror and closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes he was...empty. This didn’t look like Abed anymore. The t-shirt hung off him despite being a size small, and the cardigan draped over his hands instead of resting just on his wrists like they used to. Even the shoes looked wrong, too narrow, not enough substance. The only thing that did Abed any justice were the ripped jeans. They fit perfect. Abed looked at the pile of shirts, cardigans, hoodies, and flannels he had pulled and suddenly felt sick to his stomach. None of that was him anymore. He wasn’t Old Abed anymore. He had to figure out what new Abed was.

He pulled his phone out of his folded jeans and checked the time. 9:12. He had time to run downtown, maybe find something a little bit nicer. He took the clothes off and put them all back into a pile, but kept the ripped jeans separate. He’d never been one to wear ripped clothing in the past, he felt it was unnecessary. _. “Why pay more for less than what you initially went out for, Jeff, it doesn’t make any sense.” “Because that’s fashion, Abed. And because I look like a badass in them. The girls love it.”_ . He pulled his adult clothes back on, not quite feeling like Abed in those either, and took his things up to the counter, paying only for the jeans. The girl behind the counter smiled as she put them in a small plastic bag.

“Cool hair.” She cooed.

“Thank you.” Abed said, not even looking up as he shoved his debit card back in his wallet and threw a five in the tip jar. His mind was already moving 100 miles an hour, trying to find a store downtown in his price range but not too cheap, either. He felt like time was moving a thousand times faster than it normally did as he walked into the warm sunlight and got to his car.

He hadn’t even noticed the birds were singing.

..

Abed took a deep breath and closed his eyes in the front seat, parked outside a store called Topshop.

_You can do this. Just be Clone Abed, and be nice and polite and ask for help if you need it. Clone Abed can do it. You can do it._

He got out of his car and locked it before he could change his mind, having shimmied into his new ripped jeans in a gas station bathroom a couple blocks from the thrift shop. He had to admit the dress shoes and the sweater paired with the jeans were an interesting combo, one he hoped no one would look at for too long. He pulled open the door and quelled his overwhelmed senses quickly, because Clone Abed would not freak out in a store. He calmly made his way to the men’s section and tapped on the shoulder of a lady holding an iPad.

The girl turned around (thank God she had a name tag on) and smiled brightly up at Abed. “Hi, sir, how can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m meeting someone later today and I was just wondering if you could possibly help me find a shirt to wear with these jeans? I want to make a good impression.” He gave his best fake smile, and she warmly reciprocated.

“Absolutely, just follow me this way. Anything in particular you like or don’t like?” She asked as she guided him towards the back corner.

“I like bright colors, I suppose.” Abed pursed his lips for a second as his mind raced. “Nothing too flashy though.”

“Okay, let me see what I can come up with.” She flipped through a rack of clothes, occasionally pulling out a shirt here and there before moving to the next. “Could you look at me for a moment? I just need to get an idea of your build.”

Abed obliged, holding his arms out slightly, then flopped them back to his sides when she nodded.

“Here, hold these and follow me.” She put three hangers in his hand and led him to the dressing rooms. Abed could tell that if this were a movie, they’d be vamping up to the inevitable new-clothes-new-me montage, and a peppy pop song would take over the noise for the duration. “What’s your name?” She asked, pulling a marker out to write on the whiteboard next to the door.

“Abed.”

“Okay, Abed, go ahead and go inside and put on one of those and I’m going to come back with a couple of other things to try.” She gave a small smile as she hurried out back into the store.

He closed the door behind him and pulled off his nice sweater, careful not to mess up his hair, and looked at the three shirts he gave her. The first was plain white long sleeve with a slight turtleneck, enough to know it wasn’t a normal fitting collar. The second was a knitted pink t-shirt with thin, vertical white stripes. Lastly, there was a black graphic tee with a white outline of a robotic hand. These weren’t exactly the colors he had in mind, but he was willing to try it. Well, Clone Abed was. If there was anytime for a fashion show montage it would be now, but this is real life, and montages do not happen, so Abed has to try on everything one at a time. He remembered a time when Troy had gone through his closet, putting on his clothes and coming out in his Abed-voice, talking about movies and TV shows and bottle episodes.  
.  
_Abed gazed lovingly at the man in front of him. Troy was wearing a pair of his skinny jeans, long enough that he had to cuff them up a bit, Abed’s Inspector Spacetime t-shirt he had gotten at the convention they went to, and his red zip-up hoodie, his personal favorite that Troy often stole already. He was holding a dice in his hand, looking warily at Abed. “If you roll this dice, you will be creating six new different timelines.” Abed chuckled and nodded, mesmerized by his roommate. “Wait, just one more, and I promise I’ll stop.” Troy said in his regular voice, ducking back into the blanket fort. A couple minutes later he emerged in Abed’s green flannel pajamas, the top two buttons undone so you could see his chest. Abed felt his cheeks go flush, and hoped Troy didn’t notice. “Dude, these are so comfortable how have I never felt these before?” Troy gasped, running his hands over the material. “Uh, fabric softener.” Abed choked out, masking his obvious feelings by clearing his throat. “Amazing.” Troy had whispered in wonder. He wore Abed’s pajamas to bed that night. Abed was fine with it because it meant he got to wear Troy’s orange and blue pajamas that smelled just like him.  
__.  
_He decided to pull on the white shirt first, hoping it would be the easiest to pair with something in the future, maybe even wear to work. He heard a quick knock on the door, so he opened it carefully.

“Perfect, I’m glad you put that one on first. Obviously, you can pair a lot with that, but I brought you a checkered Herrington jacket to try it with.” Abed quirked an eyebrow up at the term, but the girl quickly corrected. “Herrington is just a fancy word for blazer.”

He slid it on over his thin frame and opened the door fully to see himself in the mirror. The jacket itself was pretty simple, grey flat tones, but the stripes were red and khaki. Burberry-esque was the first thing that popped into his head.

_Not too bad_ , he thought to himself. For once, he thought he looked halfway decent. This looked like him.

“I like it.” He smiled. He turned back to look at her, and quickly flitted his eyes down to her name tag. “You did a nice job, Lauren.”

“Thank you, Abed. Okay, now this next jacket I have is for the pink shirt, if you don’t mind trying that one on next.”

Abed nodded silently and closed the door, changing into the knitted tee. At first glance on the hanger, Abed didn’t think it would look very good on him, but it actually hugged him in a way that didn’t make him seem too scrawny, but didn’t look like it fell off him either. He felt his smile get a little bigger. He opened the door and held out his arms.

“Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting it to look so good! It looks great on you.” Lauren said, and handed him another jacket. “So, this jacket looks pretty plain but it’s meant to be worn over an accent shirt. It’s a slate grey bomber jacket, and it’s a good accessory, even if you just wear a plain t-shirt underneath it.”

Though different from the last jacket, Abed felt like himself in this style too, less child-like and more adult. He was almost excited to try on his last outfit. He felt like he was in a montage of a mini fashion show, except his complementary character was still on a boat in the ocean. He now understood why characters always seemed so happy during their modeling montages. He had to admit it was a little bit fun.

“I love it.” Abed said, then smiled as he closed the door and put on the last t-shirt.

“Now this jacket I really like. It’s another bomber jacket, but it’s a pale pink suede. It’s a nice pop of color to a plain shirt.”

Abed didn’t even have to put it all the way on before he knew he was going to buy it. He was going to buy all three of the outfits Lauren had put together for him. It would put a little dent in his bank account, sure, and he’d have to go back to eating buttered noodles (not something he minded all that much), but they would be Abed. The New Abed. Normal Abed.

He put back on his original clothes and brought the armful of clothes to the cash register, not before snagging a pair of black Old School Vans as well. He barely registered the cost of it all, but swiped his card and profusely thanked Lauren for all her help. He brought the big bag back to his car and pulled out his phone once he was situated in the front seat. 12:53. He needed to get home and change before he went to Santa Monica.

He didn’t notice that there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, or that the birds were still chirping quietly in the trees. The city was quieter than it had been since he moved there.

..

In his apartment, Abed did a quick cleaning and made sure everything was in order. He didn’t have any pictures up (when he moved he thought it was too childish to hang them, but Annie insisted he pack some in case he every changed his mind), so he quickly dug the box out of the back of his closet and put up a few on dressers, end tables, and counters. Pictures of the study group at one of their many outings, all smiling and laughing.  
_.  
“And then the guy slipped on a wet spot as he walked away. It was total karma for shoving Abed! I’ve never seen such perfect timing in my _life! _” Troy explained, beaming at Abed. “I would have knocked him out myself, but-“ Troy let out a high-pitched sneeze, earning a laugh from the group. “I’m sure you could, Trina.” Jeff said off-handedly, earning a slap on the arm from an aghast Annie, but they all laughed anyways. Abed couldn’t take his eyes off Troy.  
__.  
_Pictures of Abed with his dad, looking very young and very lost, a fake smile plastered to his face (that was before he met Troy).  
_.  
“Do you want to make me look bad? Put on a smile, Abed, this has to show your mother we are fine without her.” Abed’s dad huffed at him under his breath. He clapped a hand aggressively on Abed’s shoulder, and Abed put on a smile to show his mom he was okay, when he really had never felt more lost.  
_.  
Pictures of him and Jeff and Annie, cuddled up on the couch in their apartment soon after Troy had left (Abed could only sleep if they were both with him. If they weren’t there he would cry all night).  
_.  
Britta stood in front of them, Abed’s eyes closed and Jeff leaning on his shoulder, Annie asleep on the other side of him, her feet in his lap. “Successful movie night, huh?” She whispered. Jeff craned his neck to look at Abed. “Yeah, I think so.” “Don’t move.” Britta said, and took out her phone. Jeff put on a smile, a _genuine _smile, and let her take the picture. “See you tomorrow.” She said, moving towards the door, closing it quietly behind her._ _Abed wasn't really asleep. He just didn't want to engage anymore._  
.  
Abed smiled sadly, those were the hardest times.

He put the pictures of him and Troy up last - the one that took the cover of Friends Weekly, in their pajamas.  
_.  
“I never want to fight like that again, Abed. It was _awful _.” Troy said into Abed’s shoulder afterwards, tears falling from his eyes. “I don’t either.” Abed replied sadly as he rubbed his back._  
.  
Another of Abed sleeping on Troy’s shoulder, Troy’s head leaning carefully against Abed’s.  
_.  
“You two just looked so peaceful, I hope you don’t mind, I took a picture, here-“ Annie was cut off by Abed gently taking her phone from her hand and staring at the picture. He sent it to himself and handed the phone back, then went to his room and stared at it on his own phone some more._  
.  
One mid-handshake in the study room.  
_.  
“Troy and Abed passed their finals!” They sang together. Troy immediately initiated the handshake with a huge smile on his face, and Abed couldn’t help but smile back. He thought he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye, but he ignored it as he focused on the beautiful sight in front of him._  
.  
Abed smiled the biggest at those as he put them up.

He then headed to the bedroom, and looked at his new outfits. He wanted to keep some semblance of Old Abed, so he chose the graphic tee with the bomber jacket. A grown-up take on his old outfits. He laced up his new Vans (he never wore them in the past because they were more expensive than the Converse at the thrift shop with his father, who refused to pay for them), and admired the way they looked.

_This is like a Queer Eye makeover, except instead of five gay guys, it was one girl who didn’t know anything about my personal life or prior experiences, and I nominated myself, and the only event I have is being to the dock by 3._

He went to the bathroom and checked his hair again, making sure it was exactly where he wanted it. He pulled his phone out and checked the time. 1:47. Traffic at this hour would be a bitch.

He quickly grabbed his things and headed out the door. If he had taken a second to look around he would have noticed how light filled up the entire apartment, no building shadows at all.

..

It took almost an hour to get to Santa Monica from Abed’s apartment. He would never be able to get over LA traffic, and how it took two or three times as long to get places here than in Colorado. He ran down the pier where traveling boats were allowed to dock, and waited impatiently.

He initially tried to sit on a bench and take in the sight around him, but that got old quickly, and the old man next to him trying to fish yelled at him for tapping his feet so much and “scaring away the damn fish”. Then he did so many laps around the small ice cream shop at the end of the dock the poor teenager in charge of the shift had to ask him to move because customers couldn’t get to the window to order. So then he had resorted to walking up and down the pier and he almost missed it when he heard his name.

“Abed!”

Abed whipped his head to the side, and saw the Childish Tycoon, in all her glory, and Troy, waving maniacally at the helm.

Troy looked…different. Grown-up, sure, maybe a little more built than when he first left, the way his clothes clung a little tighter to him now, and that _beard_ (Abed would have to thank the sea later for allowing Troy to grow it), it framed up his face nicely. But he looked like Troy, more than anything else, more so than all the days they’d been together at Greendale, more so than all the stolen moments of just the two of them, more so than in the blanket fort in the dead silence of the middle of the night, baring his deepest fears and wants and dreams to Abed. Kind of like how Abed looked like Abed now. He wasn’t scrawny anymore, he was lean. He wasn’t disorganized in his appearance, he was neat and clean and mature. He didn’t have a boyish haircut, he styled it. And he didn’t feel alone anymore, he felt whole, after damn near four years of feeling so alone. Different, but more themselves.

Abed felt his hands go clammy and his heart felt like it was pounding so hard it would burst out of his chest, and all day he had been so worried about looking nice, he didn’t even think about what he was going to say to Troy, and then all of a sudden he was there, standing in front of Abed, taking the sides of his face in his hands and kissing him hard. It took all of Abed’s power not to melt into a puddle of moans and whimpers right there, and he felt tears well up in his eyes and start to fall, dampening Troy’s cheeks.

When Troy pulled back, he looked Abed straight in the eyes, trying to read his emotions, afraid he had just done the absolute wrong, fucked-up thing. The tears in Abed’s eyes made that difficult, and made him scared, but the smile that grew on Abed’s face made it clear as day.

“I missed you so much, Troy.”

Troy gave a sigh of relief.

“I missed you more.” He whispered.

And then it was Abed’s turn to initiate a kiss, and he kissed Troy harder and fiercer than he’d ever kissed anyone in his whole life, and if this was a movie, fireworks would be going off in the background, his leg would kick up, and a cheesy romantic song would be playing in the background. But this was _real life_ , and Troy was _here_ , and they were _kissing_ , and no montage or cliche movie trope could ever top this no matter how hard it tried. When they broke apart, gasping slightly, Troy admired the boy - no, the _man_ \- in front of him.

“I like your clothes. And I _really_ like your hair. It’s cool.” He smiled.

“Thanks. I like your beard.” Abed smiled back. Troy caught a couple of Abed’s tears with his thumb, kissed him on the cheek, and took his hand, pulling him over to the ship, already rambling about gifts and stories and photos.

Abed felt like Abed again, and even though this was reality and not a movie, today was pretty damn perfect.


	2. it was awesome, but also...it wasn't?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooo this was previously titled "Troy and Abed in a Fanfic!" but now it is not.  
> this is the next installment (y'all got lucky)!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all already know i had to use childish gambino for troy  
> for the sake of my story let's pretend none of these songs were ever released and they're all gender neutral so they could be about a certain someone and childish gambino doesn't exist in this timeline!  
> comments/criticisms/kudos welcomed as always!  
> much love to you all <3

**Summertime Magic - Childish Gambino**

**_You feel like summertime  
You took this heart of mine  
You’ll be my valentine in the summer  
In the summer_ **

Troy was sick and tired of the ocean. He missed the feeling of solid ground under his feet for more than a couple days at a time, he missed looking at a skyline that wasn’t flat and blue, and most of all, he missed his best friend. Sure, having LeVar Burton on board was pretty cool, and Clone Troy had done a pretty good job at not embarrassing himself the last three years and some odd months, but LeVar was not Abed.

He had tried really hard to keep in touch with Abed, but being on a boat in the middle of the Pacific did not have continual cell service, and suddenly Troy had lost the only lifeline he had left to his old life, and after about a year, texts stopped going through all together. When he tried to call he was immediately hit with a busy signal, and texts came up as undelivered as soon as he hit send.

Anytime they docked, Troy went on a scavenger hunt to find the nearest free wifi. He checked religiously on social media to see if Abed was there. Well, Twitter. Troy didn’t have the capacity to have any other form of it anymore, and he only had Twitter on the off chance that Abed might be there, since he couldn’t text or call him. He had followed the rest of the study group, of course, but he only _really_ cared about one person.

To say that Troy was lost at sea (except for that time he and LeVar were ambushed by pirates and actually considered “lost at sea” for six months), wasn’t exactly a misdirect, because he didn’t know who he was without Abed. He had completely forgotten life before Greendale, and truthfully, he didn’t want to remember it. Abed was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Nobody understood him as well as he did, or finish his jokes like he did, or know exactly what he was thinking about just by a look on his face, and he was a goddamn idiot for not realizing what that all meant until after he was gone.

In love with his best friend. _Abed_ should have seen this coming, of all people. It was a classic best-friends-to-lovers trope. Troy wasn’t someone to reference pop culture like this, but it was so glaringly obvious that when he first said it out loud to LeVar, he had to remind Troy that this wasn’t a movie.

 _“You_ do _know that you and Abed are real people, correct?” LeVar sighed, stifling a yawn as the pair made their way below deck, having just come out on the other side of a storm._ _“I do, but this is how we are. We live vicariously through movies.” Troy said, trying to find the words to explain what he meant in full, but failing, instead pulling off a dripping poncho, which did nothing for the clothes underneath._ _“Lived.” LeVar mumbled as he wandered to the other room where his bunk was, correcting Troy in a way that made his heartache. Lived. Not live._

So when the Childish Tycoon docked in San Francisco, the first thing Troy did was set up his phone as he connected to the wifi at the edge of the marina. There was only a day left in their journey, if they sailed all night and didn’t let up. He had one bar of wifi, and 13% battery, so he had to make this quick. He propped up his phone, and took a deep breath.

“Hey Abed! It’s Troy.” _He knows that, idiot._ “I don’t know how active you are on Twitter, and your old number says it doesn’t work anymore, so this is a long shot.” Troy wrung his hands, not understanding why this was making him so nervous. He put on a big, fake smile, and tried to inflect excitement in his voice. “But I know you’re in LA now, and I’m done with my trip! I really hope you see this, because I want to see you.” _I’ve wanted to see you since I left._ “I’m docking in Santa Monica at 3:00, October 19th. I missed you, buddy.” _More than you’ll ever know._ “I want to see you.” _I_ really _hope you want to see me, too._ “I’m sorry it took me so long.” _I promise I won’t ever leave again._ “I hope you’ll be there, cause I’ll be waiting.” _I’d wait a lifetime for you._ Troy gave a thumbs up and waved to the camera, then turned it off and posted it to his timeline, the only tweet he’d made since creating the account.

He felt tears brimming up on his eyes, and he aggressively wiped at his eyes, clearing his throat as LeVar clapped a hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve got a surprise for you. Come on.” LeVar walked down to the side ladder and began his descent, and Troy stuffed his phone into his pocket and followed suit. Once they reached the dock, Troy let out a sigh of relief. _One step closer to never having to be on a boat again_.

“So, what’s the surprise?” Troy asked, looking around at the shops on the street at the end of the boardwalk, admiring the performers as they made their way.

“Well, all those videos you’ve been making for Abed, I moved all of them to this one SD card.” LeVar pulled the card out of his pocket. “And, in that Starbucks, is your lawyer, ready to settle everything from the Hawthorne estate with you, and also to give you a couple of extra gifts from me.” He handed Troy the SD card. Then he stopped Troy and turned him so that they’d be face-to-face, and put his hands on both shoulders. “Unfortunately, this is where I leave you. You have been an incredible partner on this journey, and we’ve faced a lot of adversity, but I am _so proud of you_.” The tears Troy had tried to push back earlier betrayed him, and fell freely now.

“LeVar, I don’t even know how to thank you-“

“Tell Abed how you feel. That’s how.” LeVar gave a chuckle. “For almost four years I’ve had to listen to how much you love him. He deserves to know, too. You use this-“ he pointed at the SD card. “And you _show_ him how much you care.”

Troy wrapped the man in a tight embrace, and tried desperately not to get snot on his shirt. He was full-on ugly crying now, and the circles LeVar rubbed into his back only made it worse. LeVar pushed him back to look him in the eyes.

“I hope now you know who you are. And I wish you nothing but the best, here and in the future. I have to get going, unfortunately, because my family is waiting for me at the airport. But I _do_ admire you, Troy Barnes. You’re a brave man.” And with that, the two shook hands, gave one last hug, and Troy watched as LeVar got into a cab and drove away. He looked down at the SD card in his hand, then looked back at the Starbucks. _One step closer to Abed_. Then he went inside.

..

It took a lot longer than Troy had anticipated to get his inheritance settled (the sheer amount of paperwork was _almost_ enough to make Troy say fuck it, but then he remembered he spent four years in a boat, so a few more signatures couldn’t hurt), and LeVar’s gifts to Troy were a new cell phone, a new laptop, an introductory course to video editing, and a traveling hotspot. Troy shook hands with the lawyer who had to painstakingly walk Troy through everything, and headed back to the boat. He let the crew know that he was going below deck, and that he would help cover the first shift at sunrise.

Once Troy got settled into his bunk, he switched SIM cards in the phone, and then opened the laptop. He inserted the SD card, and was overwhelmed with the amount of footage he had.

His plan all along had been to make Abed a movie of his travels, but once he began to realize his true feelings, it became more of a travel-documentary-turned-romantic-confessions montage. That didn’t stop him from making videos at every stop, and bringing the camera to every monument, every landmark, every restaurant and museum and parlor. It was the only way he could feel like Abed was partially with him. He clicked on the first clip in the long series of videos.

 _“Hi Abed! Welcome to Troy’s Travels, where I, Troy, document my travels! That’s a working title, by the way.” Troy turned the camera around to point at a sign saying_ Aloha _on a beach, the sun beginning to set in the distance. “I’m in Hawaii! How cool is that? It’s a place called Kauai, and it is_ so _pretty here. I think you’d really like it. The sunset is always extra pretty, like that time you and I sat on top of the library and watched the sunset with popcorn, except I think that one’s my favorite because it was with you.” Behind the camera, Troy furrowed his brows and cleared his throat. “It took us a while to get here, but our next stretch is pretty short, I think. We’re going to go to Ecuador.” Troy turned the camera back around to face him as the beach he was on got more crowded. “Don’t worry, I am getting you a gift from everywhere, and I mean_ everywhere _.” Troy giggled. “Don’t tell the rest of the group, though,” he mock-whispered. “The rest of them aren’t gonna get nearly as much. I see LeVar yelling at me in the distance, so I’ve gotta end this one. I miss you, Abed!”_ And the video cut off.

Troy wasn’t one to cry, but here he was, bawling his eyes out like a child. It had been so long, _too_ long. He needed Abed in his arms the way he needed air in his lungs or blood in his veins. He scrolled down a little, seven months or so into his trip.

 _Troy had set the camera up on the ledge of his balcony as he backed onto the bed in his hotel room. He sighed heavily, and put his face in his hands. He looked up to face the camera, bleary-eyed. “Hey, Abed.” There was no way he was going to be able to get through this._ “ _Welcome to Troy’s Travels.” He gestured vaguely around himself. “Um, some things have happened the last few months.” He chuckled dryly. “Let’s see, we were hijacked by pirates, which I didn’t think were real, and then we had to work as shipmates for a long time, and we weren’t allowed to get on our own boat. And it was…awful.” Troy paused, and wiped some tears from his eyes. “Maybe I’ll tell you the whole of it someday, but I can’t right now. They took a lot of stuff, but not my camera or your gifts, which was good. I hid them pretty well when I realized what was happening.” Troy stared at the floor for a while. Then he looked up like he remembered he was still filming, and put on a small smile. “We’re here, though. We are in…Chile, I think. I think we were going up and down the coast of South America for a while. LeVar decided we should be here for a little bit, get our bearings and our wits about us again, and then maybe start up, if I’m feeling up for it.” He sighed again. “I don’t know if I will be.”  
He let a tear fall onto his shirt. “I miss you, like crazy, Abed, and I don’t know what to do without you, especially now and this is all so crazy and I just-“ he hiccuped as he cried harder, heaving as he tried to slow his breathing. He took a deep breath in, stretching his whole body out, and let out a shaky exhale. “I’d do it for you, if that was what you wanted. I don’t know though because I can’t get a hold of you. But I like to think you’d want me to keep going. For my character arc, or whatever.” Troy gave a wet laugh, and wiped at his eyes. “Sorry this update was so miserable, I’ll try to make the next one better for you. I miss you. I love you.” Troy got up and turned the camera off, and only realized what he said after he had finished._

That was the first time Troy realized what it was he felt for Abed. Frankly, he was the only person that got him through their kidnapping, thinking of Abed, dreaming of Abed, _remembering_ Abed. That was what kept him sane. LeVar had his family, but Troy had Abed. He was his best friend, the person he could go to for anything, spent all of his time with. After that he had added to what he was going to give Abed.

Troy had been unlocking his artistic side while on his journey, trying to find something other than football that he could connect with, and he _really_ enjoyed music. So he started working on little tunes and even bought a guitar for himself when they got to the UK. He scrolled down a ways until he found the video he was looking for.

 _Troy sat down on a blanket, then picked up the guitar resting next to him. “Hi Abed!” He waved to the camera, a big smile on his face. His beard was starting to come in a little bit, and his hair had gotten a little bit longer. He propped his legs up, and one of them was bouncing erratically, something he had always done when he was nervous. “Welcome back to Troy’s Travels. I am currently in one of the prettiest places on Earth, at the White Cliffs of Dover.” He looked around him fondly, a soft smile on his face. “This is the last place we’re seeing in the UK before moving on. We sailed direct from Morocco so we could see the rest of Europe before going to Italy. And I know what you’re thinking, and yes,_ of course _I stopped at the lot where they film Inspector Spacetime, and_ obviously _I got you a ton of stuff, but you’ll just have to wait to find out what they are until I get back.” Troy paused and cleared his throat, and his face got serious. “I, um, I wrote something for you. It’s pretty simple, not much, but I’m working on other things, but I want you to hear this one, so, uh, here I go, I guess.” He gave a little laugh, then launched into the beginning chords, and started singing. "I had a dream."  
He kept his eyes close as he sang, his face changing slightly with pitch, and becoming sad as the song progressed, and by the end he had silent tears coming down.  
“Just hold me close, my darling. Just hold me close, my darling.” _

Then the video went black.

That was the first of many songs Troy wrote for Abed. He consolidated the clips of him singing and made them into audio files, then started sifting through the ones he still liked. Once you listen to your voice long enough, sometimes you start to hate the way it sounds, so Troy tried not to listen too closely. Abed would like them no matter what, and tell him he was good, it was just the small matter of if he meant it.

Troy clicked on the last clip he had filmed, in Alaska, snowy mountains behind him, and birds flying overhead.

 _“How’s it going, Abed?” Troy asked as he took a seat on a bench in front of the camera, making himself comfortable. He scratched at his beard and rubbed his face, worn from his years on the ocean. “This is officially the last installation of Troy’s Travels, and honestly?” He took a deep breath. “The only thing I_ really _learned was how much I need you.” His voice grew shakier with each word. “You…are…my world.” Troy said with a huge exhale at the end. “Everything I’ve done since the day I left has been working to get back to you. Sometimes I think I never should have left, but I did discover a lot about myself, and I guess that’s a good thing. Being away from you though, it doesn’t make it as special. It just means that I didn’t get to share those things with you when I realized them. And that was really hard. LeVar is great, but he’s no Abed. But anyways, I am currently a little bit inland in Alaska, at Denali National Park. Our actual hotel is in this place called Talkeetna, and it’s crazy small, but the people are so nice and one of LeVar’s old friends actually lives here, so he got us into the park, and to some places where people don’t normally get to go.”  
_ _A rustling behind Troy drew his attention, and a bear lumbered behind him peacefully, not even noticing Troy sitting there. He looked back at the camera and put a finger to his lips. The bear walked down the mountain, and only when Troy was sure it was gone did he turn back around and clear his throat._ _“Not my first bear crossing. If they don’t notice you it’s best to stay quiet. Anyways, I wrote you another song, I think that makes at least 20 now, but I think this one is the best one. I’ll be back on the mainland soon, and I want to see you. I hope you want to see me. I hope you feel the same way.”  
Troy started playing some somber chords on the guitar, now beautifully decorated with scribbles Troy had made, and small stickers from around the world. __Troy’s mellow voice shone in R &B, and this song was soulful and deep, despite having a slightly upbeat tempo. __“I just wanna feel your love baby, you know I’m down to ride, oh no.”_ _As he progressed he bobbed his head, his face mirrored the emotions the song pulled out, and by the end he was just strumming the guitar and talking out loud._ _“I used to walk on the beach at night. I remember. The best time was when, well, me and you, we got all our friends and we got a tent and slept in it. Not the whole night, but just enough time. Magic happened, nothing was born luckily.” He chuckled quietly. “Just not to me, but then we left. The times have changed. The pleasures that I feel. They say you never say never, it’s real. Electric eels in the water, we should probably not go too deep. I like to stare at you and look at you when you sleep. I’d like to write a poem for you, leave it for you in your room. Under the moon, romance.”_ _Then he suddenly stopped talking and looked up at the camera, like he was trying to see Abed’s eyes in the lens._ _“Please be there when I get there, Abed. I don’t know if I could go one more day without you.” And with that he stood and turned off the camera._

Troy worked through the night on the movie, and it was way too long for anyone to sit through in one go, but Abed would.

He would if he showed up. If he felt the same way Troy did. If any molecule in his body gave a shit about Troy at all.

..

When the sun started to come up, Troy had just finished, bleary-eyed and yawning, but he made his way above deck to help the crew on the rest of the journey. Everything was going to plan, they assured him, Santa Monica by 3PM. The thought of Abed being on the boardwalk alone was enough to get his energy going again, and he worked as furiously as he could, trying to think of what he was going to say when he saw him as he busied himself on deck. _If you see him. Wait. Stop that. He’ll be there. He has to be._

At about midday, Troy’s eyes were going heavy, and a crew member practically forced him below deck despite his protests that he was fine. But he fell into bed anyways, and dreamed of his reunion with Abed.

 _The Childish Tycoon pulled up to the dock, and Troy frantically scanned the boardwalk for any sign of a tall, lanky, flannel-clad boy. He felt his heart skip a beat when he caught sight of him, his back facing Troy.  
“Abed!” He yelled, waving maniacally. Abed either didn’t hear him, or chose to ignore him, his back still turned to him. Troy quickly climbed down the ladder, running towards him. “Abed I can’t believe you’re here, I-“ he put a hand to the taller man’s shoulder, and was quickly forced backward as Abed turned and put a finger into his chest. __“You left me. You didn’t even_ try _to stay in touch with me. Why do you want me here? Do you think you can get me back just because you’re suddenly back?”_ _Troy felt his back hit a wall. “Abed, no…no why would you think that? Please, I-I love you.” He breathed out._ _“If you loved me,” Abed snarled, leaning into Troy’s face. “You never would have left.” He pivoted on his heel and started walking away, not turning around to any of Troy’s pleas. And then Troy tried to run after him, but he moved nowhere, and Abed just kept getting farther away, and Troy was screaming for him to turn around and-_

The alarm on Troy’s phone interrupted his dream- well, nightmare, really. He took a moment to catch his breath, and shake off the nervous feeling that that was more of a foreshadowing than a figment of his imagination. He looked at the time on his phone, 2:47. They’d be there any minute. Troy sprinted up to the deck to help get ready to dock. He hated to admit it, but the sailing class in the parking lot he took all those years ago actually gave him some good tips for his trip, and now he could hopefully forget about them forever as he hoped to never set foot on a boat again. As he and the crew finished the last couple adjustments on docking the boat, Troy look up and saw a shock of black hair that couldn’t be mistaken.

“Abed!” He waved, trying to catch his attention, and when Abed finally did turn around, Troy felt his breath hitch a little.

Abed had…grown. Not in height, obviously, but his jaw was a little more set, and his hair was a little longer, and his style had changed. Part of Troy’s nostalgia was sad a multi-colored mis-matched outfit wasn’t down on that dock, but he had to thank any god above him for the sight of Abed in _black skinny jeans_. Even his build looked different, less like the scrawny kid who made movie and TV show references all day long and more like a matured version of the Abed only Troy got to see, like the night that they got caught in the rain while taking a walk, and Abed was feeling bad about himself, and it was something Troy didn’t understand then and didn’t understand now, because Abed was perfect. That turned out to be one of their best nights.

 _“Show it off, Abed. You’re perfect the way you are.” Troy said as he pulled Abed’s soaked t-shirt over his head. “Why would you compare yourself to others when you’ve got everything working for you?”  
“I know it’s dumb, and it’s very teenage-movie of me, but I care about my appearance, you know? And when I see…” he gestured vaguely at Troy’s abdomen, looking all around him to not look directly at Troy. “I don’t know, it makes me want to do more.” He sighed. Troy only barely registered what he was saying, because he was too busy staring at Abed. Why was he staring? But the next thing he knew he was grabbing Abed’s shoulders and making him stop in his tracks.  
_ _“Say it. Say that you’re perfect.”  
_ _Abed stared at him blankly. “But I don’t lie.”  
_ _“It’s not a lie. You are. I want to hear you say it.”  
_ _Abed sighed and put on a grin. “I’m perfect.” He mumbled.  
_ _“Louder.” Troy egged._  
 _“I’m perfect!” Abed yelled.  
_ _“You’re perfect!” Troy yelled, causing Abed to burst into laughter. The rain around them came down harder and thunder rumbled off in the distance, and the two of them just stood there, laughing and looking at each other. Troy looked up and thought he saw Abed barely lean in, but dismissed it when Abed shook his head and took Troy’s hand as he led them back to campus. Troy’s breath hitched back then, too._

But there Abed was, and he was looking at Troy, and as Troy climbed down the ladder everything he wanted to say and planned on saying left his brain as he grabbed Abed’s face and brought him into a kiss, one that would have absolutely ruined him if his adrenaline wasn’t putting him on auto-pilot. Then he felt wetness on his cheeks and he pulled back to see Abed crying and _fuck, fuck, fuck, I fucked up, I fucked up so bad, fuck-_

“I missed you so much, Troy.” Abed whimpered.

 _Thank fucking God._ Troy let out a huge sigh. “I missed you more.” He whispered, pulling Abed closer by the sleeves of his jacket, and then Abed’s lips were on his, and he melted into the kiss, pulling Abed closer to him and intertwined his fingers with Abed’s as they searched for his. When they pulled apart, out of breath and out of words, Troy looked the man in front of him up and down. This was Abed, but not the Abed he knew four years ago. This was Adult Abed on the surface, but Troy thought he saw some of the Old Abed in his eyes, the childlike playfulness of their relationship back when glistening in his eyes.

“I like your clothes. And I _really_ like your hair.” Troy smiled up at Abed, his heart feeling full for the first time since the day he left.

“Thanks. I like your beard.” Abed said, smiling back at him. Troy saw some more tears falling down Abed’s face, and wiped them with the pad of his thumb instead of acknowledging the very obvious emotions being displayed in front of him for one of the only times Troy could remember. Abed wasn’t a crier, so Troy wasn’t going to make it obvious.

“Look, I kind of went overboard on gifts for you, so I hope you don’t mind, but you have a lot of things to take home with you.” Troy started as he took Abed’s hand and led him toward the boat, guiding him up the ladder (while shamelessly getting a view of the black ripped skinny jeans from behind, and _wow_ , he really did have to thank whoever was above).

“That’s okay, my apartment is pretty plain as is.” Abed chuckled, getting to the deck and taking Troy’s hand to help him up. “Where’s LeVar?”

“Oh, he got off in San Francisco, I guess his family was meeting him there.”

Abed nodded silently, and looked around the boat, the look on his face telling Troy that he was memorizing it for the Dreamatorium, or at least, that’s what it used to mean. Now he didn’t know. It made his chest ache a tiny bit.

“Well, all of your stuff is down here, and, uh, don’t tell the rest of the group, but they didn’t get nearly as much.” Troy led him downstairs, where he had been organizing everybody’s things in little boxes throughout his journey. Abed’s box was about three times the size of everyone else’s, and Abed’s chest swelled with a little bit of pride in that.

“Can I?” Abed asked, pointing at the box. Troy nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bunk. Abed brought it over in front of Troy, and sat on the floor like it was Christmas morning. Troy explained every trinket in the box, where he got it and what it reminded him of when he thought of Abed, and he laughed when he saw Abed’s face as he reached the end of the trinket box. It was the Inspector Spacetime things Troy had picked up. “Is this-“

“The original Quantum Scanner? Yes. Also the original bowler hat, signed by the original Inspector Spacetime himself. They were holding a convention when I got there, so _obviously_ I abandoned LeVar and went and got everything. It was _way_ bigger than the one we went to.”

Abed held the things gently, as if they’d disappear from his grasp, then set them down gently as he stood and took Troy’s face in his hands and kissed him hard, a quiet whimper betraying Troy.

“Nobody has ever understood me more.” Abed said when they pulled apart. “Thank you. So much.” He said as he sat down next to Troy, taking his hands in his and kissing him gently.

“Of course, Abed. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” Troy smiled. He took a deep breath. “Now, there’s one more thing, but it’s kind of long and I don’t know how much longer you want to be on a boat, but I’m kind of sick of it, so we can go somewhere else, if you want?”

Abed sat still for a second, head cocked like he was thinking, then nodded. “We can go to my apartment. It’s very plain, and probably a lot different than what you’re expecting, but I think you’ll be more comfortable there. And you can stay there, if you want. I have room.”

Troy gave a soft smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He quickly gathered his bags, and helped Abed carry all of his things to the car. He tried to tell Abed that he didn’t need to move his life from the last four years into his apartment _today_ , but Abed remained adamant that Troy should come.

Abed was silent on the drive over, and Troy had fallen back into life before, looking out the window in equal quiet at the city around him. The radio was playing what Troy assumed was today’s hits, but he could barely hear it. They arrived at Abed’s apartment complex, and he was still silent, so Troy just unpacked the car, assuming that Abed was merely tired, and followed him up the stairs.

“303. Just like ours.” Troy whispered when they got to the door. Abed gave a slight nod, and unlocked the door, pushing it open for Troy to enter first.

“You can stay in my room. I’ll sleep on the couch. Excuse me.” Abed pushed the words out quickly as if it was his last breath, and scurried off to the bathroom. _Fuck. What did I do?_ Troy set his things down around the couch, and found a linen closet with extra blankets to set up a bed for himself. Once he made it up, he started looking around. Most of the pictures he remembered, but there were some he didn’t. The one of Abed with Annie and Jeff on their couch, he could tell by the bags under Abed’s eyes he hadn’t been sleeping. And Jeff looked…happy? But a different happy than he used to be with the group, that was a smile he’d never seen before. Part of him got a tiny bit jealous _which why should I be jealous? I wasn’t there. Nothing happened with them, Jeff’s the straightest man alive, and I_ wasn’t there. _Otherwise…_

Troy’s thoughts were interrupted by Abed coming out of the bathroom, face slightly red and a little splotchy and he gently grabbed Troy’s wrist and led him to the couch.

“Abed-“ Abed held up a finger, effectively shutting Troy up, and took in a shaky breath.

“Obviously, I’m happy you’re here, and all of this has been great, and the gifts…it’s just. I need to slow down. I was able to go on with my life for almost four years and now you’re here and I got ahead of myself because I was caught up in the moment like a teenage girl meeting her idol in those cheesy coming-of-age movies except I’m not a teenage girl nor am I coming of age but I’m going through all the emotions and I’m not sure what’s happening and just, can we _please_ slow down? Please?” Abed’s voice turned to a whisper at the end, and he was doing everything in his power to avoid making eye contact with Troy.

“Yes, Abed, of course. Anything you want, okay? I can go-“

“Stay.” Abed croaked out.

“Okay.” Troy whispered. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, okay? I’ll let you have your space for a bit if that’s what you need.”

Abed nodded, and stood. “I’m sure you’re hungry. I don’t have much to eat here besides oatmeal and buttered noodles, if you want either of those.”

“Buttered noodles sound great, Abed, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He turned and headed to the kitchen. Troy kept sitting on the couch, looking around and fiddling with his hands like a kid in school who just finished a test before everyone else, not wanting to push any of Abed's buttons. After a couple minutes Abed poked his head out through the door. “Are you coming?”

Troy laughed lightly, and pushed himself off the couch and followed Abed into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back!  
> can't believe i made another ~6000 word chapter but damnnn aren't y'all a lucky bunch.  
> i think it is safe to say this will be multi-chapter. all your comments about this inspired me to write more and filled my heart up w so much happiness so thank you!!!  
> as always: be well, be safe, be happy. so much love to all of you


	3. we're together. that makes this the perfect timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> previously titled "Troy and Abed in a Fanfic!"  
> now i don't know how to do summaries, but this is a fix-it fic. that's basically it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do yourselves a favor and listen to donald's "so into you" cover if you haven't already. cleared my skin, watered my crops, filled my bank account. what an angel. heavensent.  
> comments/criticisms/kudos welcomed as always!  
> much love to you all <3

**So Into You - Tamia** ****

_**I really like what you’ve done to me  
I can’t really explain it, I’m so into you** _ ****

To be completely transparent, it only really hit Abed that Troy was back in _real_ _life_ after he offered to him the option to stay at his apartment. He didn’t run the simulations, he didn’t calculate the outcome of the numerous scenarios that would occur, so his brain shut down enough to keep him from talking, and after forcing out the words when they first entered his apartment, he ran to the bathroom and puked.

Abed was not a puker. He didn’t like the feeling of puking, and that (coupled with his determination to not alter his brain chemistry) largely played into his choice to not drink. So the only reaction that came to him as he threw up nothing into the toilet was to cry. He cried because his body was trying to purge something that wasn’t in his body and it was hurting his chest, and he cried because he couldn’t make better words come out of his mouth, and he cried because Troy was _here_ and Abed didn’t know what to do.

Once he had finished, he flushed the toilet in disgust and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes brimmed with tears, streaks ran down his cheeks, and his hair looked tousled from gripping it so tight. He turned on cold water and splashed his face a couple of times, and closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself down.

 _Abed did not like the feeling of…whatever this was.  
He was trying desperately to remember what had happened all evening, but the only things coming to him were arriving at the Halloween dance, and then being bandaged up next to Troy. He thought he had been careful not to drink anything at the party, but maybe he had? He couldn’t remember.  
He and Troy had gone back to his room and turned on a light movie, but Abed wasn’t focused. Troy grabbed the remote and paused it halfway through.  
“What’s wrong? You’re not giving any commentary, and that’s like, your favorite part of movie nights.” Troy asked gently, shifting slightly so he was facing Abed.  
“I…I can’t remember. Anything. And I thought I stayed away from the drinks and didn’t take anything off the tables, but I can’t fucking remember.” Abed whispered shakily. He felt Troy’s arms wrap around him, and he gratefully leaned into his touch, something he wouldn’t do with anyone else.  
“Hey, buddy, it’s okay. I get it, I know exactly what you’re going through. This has been a _really _weird night, okay? Do you…do you want to go to bed?”  
Abed sat still for a moment, weighing his options and the outcomes of those options, then nodded. Troy helped him up and guided him to the bunk bed. He turned his back politely as Abed got dressed into pajamas, and then helped him settle into the bottom bunk. Abed liked the bottom bunk when he was upset because then Troy could get to him better.  
“Troy?” Abed asked quietly, as Troy was getting ready to climb into the top bunk.  
“Yeah?”  
“Will you…will you stay down here? With me?” Abed’s voice was barely audible.  
Without hesitation Troy sidled up next to Abed under the covers, and turned his head to look at his best friend, who was staring at the bunk above them. Troy thought he saw a tear roll down Abed’s face, but he opted not to say anything about it.  
Abed was grateful. He reached for Troy’s hand, and sighed contentedly when Troy’s fingers interlaced with his own._

Abed took a deep breath in, wiped his face, and opened the bathroom door. He saw Troy looking at the pictures on his wall, and walked over and took hold of his wrist. Once sat on the couch, Troy started to speak.

“Abed-“ He put up a finger, and Troy closed his mouth. He took in a shaky inhale.

“Obviously, I’m happy you’re here, and all of this has been great, and the gifts…” Abed looked down by the door, staring at the box of memorabilia Troy gathered specifically for him. “It’s just. I need to slow down. I was able to go on with my life for almost four years and now you’re here and I got ahead of myself because I was caught up in the moment like a teenage girl meeting her idol in those cheesy coming-of-age movies except I’m not a teenage girl nor am I coming of age but I’m going through all the emotions and I’m not sure what’s happening and just, can we please slow down? Please?” The pace of Abed’s breath had picked up as the volume of his voice decreased, and by the end of his ramble it was barely a whisper, and he had yet to make eye contact with Troy.

“Yes, Abed, of course. Anything you want, okay? I can go-“ Troy made a move to stand out, but Abed put a hand on his knee.

“Stay.” Abed croaked out.

Troy sat back down again slowly. “Okay.” He whispered, recognizing that Abed wouldn’t want him to talk very loudly right now. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, okay? I’ll let you have your space for a bit if that’s what you need.”

Abed nodded his head, and stood up, legs feeling like jelly. “I’m sure you’re hungry. I don’t have much to eat here besides oatmeal and buttered noodles, if you want either of those.”

Troy beamed up at him, as if Abed hadn’t just completely fucked up everything in the short time of his return. “Buttered noodles sound great, Abed, thank you.” The look on his face made Abed’s chest ache.

“You’re welcome.” He walked towards the kitchen and began pulling out the things he needed for noodles. When he realized Troy hadn’t followed him, he went back to the entrance and stuck his head out. “Are you coming?”

..

The rest of the night was spent in comfortable silence, Abed every now and again reaching for any part of Troy’s body he could get ahold of - his hand, his knee, his shoulder - just to reassure himself that _yes, Troy is here in my living room, quietly watching_ Inspector Spacetime _reruns with me._ Abed caught sight of the time when the TV switched between episodes. 11:23. _I’m supposed to be at work in six hours._

“Six hours?” Troy squeaked out. _Oops. Out loud._ “Yes, you said that out loud.”

“Sorry. Yes, I’m supposed to be at work at 5:30 tomorrow morning. I should probably go to bed.” Abed reached for the remote to turn off the TV, then stopped. He could feel Troy staring at the back of his head, so he turned to see Troy’s brows slightly furrowed and his lips in a small pout. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, Abed, I think I’m just tired. I’ll set myself up out here, you just go to bed, okay?” Troy started to lean over to kiss his cheek, but stopped himself and instead stood up and went for the linen closet. Abed let out a disgruntled sigh, turned the television off, and stalked to his room.

“Goodnight, Troy!” He called out. When he didn’t get an answer, he closed his bedroom door.

..

Once Troy found some extra blankets, he made himself a pallet on the couch, trying his best to get comfortable, but instead constantly shifting and turning. He slept in a cot on a boat better than this, he should be able to sleep anywhere. After an hour of tossing he huffed and stood up, and made a move for his backpack. He pulled out his laptop to see it still in the editing app, the frame on the last page. He pulled his headphones out of a side pocket, then went and sat back down on the couch.

He worked some more on the movie, deciding he wasn’t happy with the production he made the first time, and drowned himself in transitions and overlays and footage. He watched the next installation of the editing tutorials LeVar had gotten him, and then kept going, feeling like time wasn’t really passing as he worked through the footage. He imagined this was how Abed felt when he was editing.

_“Abed? Have you even moved today?” Troy asked as he walked through the door of their apartment and set down his backpack, looking at Abed perched on the couch, laptop balancing on his knees.  
“No.” He replied curtly, clicking away.  
“Well, what have you been doing?” Troy asked gently, sitting down next to him.  
“It’s our Kickpuncher movie remake, I’ve been finishing up the editing. Do you want to see?”  
Troy’s heart swelled in a way he didn’t understand, but liked. “Duh!”  
Abed smiled, and lifted one hand to his chest and one to Troy, and the two did their handshake before Abed hooked up his computer to the TV. _

“Troy?” Abed asked with a tap on his shoulder. The sudden touch made Troy jump a little, but he put a hand to his chest when he realized it was just Abed, and took off his headphones. Abed pointed at the screen. “What’s that?”

Troy looked at the screen, then at the clock in the top corner. 3:39. “It’s, uh, a movie, I made during my trip. But it’s late, Abed, you should go back to-“

“Can I watch it?”

“But what about work?”

“I’ll get somebody to cover the first half of my shift. Can I watch it?” Abed hadn’t taken his eyes off the scene of Troy smiling and waving to the camera on a beach somewhere, the sun burning behind him.

“It’s kind of long, okay, so you don’t have to watch all of it now, but, sure.” Troy handed him the laptop and slid over on the couch for Abed to sit. Abed dragged the bar back to the beginning, and was met with a picture of a beach, and a sign that said _Aloha_. Abed tried to save every second of it to his brain, but the footage was overwhelming, in a good way, so he just smiled and watched.

..

 _Troy shuffled backwards and crouched down on bright blue steps. A couple stepped around him, and he awkwardly scooted sideways so he could clear up some space for them. Once they passed, he put up a hand and waved to the camera. “Hi Abed! Welcome back to Troy’s Travels! I know that my last video was kind of a downer, and it’s been a while since I’ve made a video, so I thought it was time to catch you up on what’s happened since then. I am currently in Morocco, and it is like, crazy beautiful here.” The smile on his face faltered slightly.  
“I wanna talk about what I said at the end of my last video. The whole…three words thing?” His voice pitched upwards like he was asking a question. “I’m not going to get to talk to you about that for a while, but it didn’t occur to me just how much I meant it until I thought about it, and I guess…I came out? To myself, at least. I’m sure LeVar already knows, I talk about you nonstop. But I felt like I deserved to properly come out to you, too. So.” Troy extended his arms out on either side of him, but not all the way because the stairway was so narrow. “I am gay. I hope that when you see this, _if _you see this, it doesn’t change how you feel about me. You’re my best friend, buddy. I couldn’t go without you. Not even halfway across the world from you.”  
Troy gave one more wave to the camera, and got up happily as he turned the camera off. _

..

 _“LeVar!” Troy drawled, an empty bottle of Campari sitting on the coffee table he had his feet propped up on, and two empty glasses on either side of his legs. His guitar was splayed across his lap, and he was gently strumming the chords. “You’ve got my camera, man.” He smiled lazily.  
“I know, but I thought you’d wanna catch this one.” LeVar’s voice came, slightly less drunk. “It sounds nice.”  
_ _Troy gave a breathy chuckle, and shifted so he was sitting upright a little more. “Okay, LeVar.” He cleared his throat mockingly, and closed his eyes as he started strumming.  
“With every passing moment thoughts of you run through my head. Every time that I’m near you, I realize that you’re heaven sent, baby. I think you’re truly something special, just what my dreams are really made of. Let’s stay together, you and me, boy. There’s no one like you around, oh baby.” His smile got bigger, and his head swayed a little more. “I really like what you’ve done to me, I can’t really explain it, I’m so into you. I really like what you’ve done to me, I can’t really explain it, I’m so into you.” Troy laughed behind the camera at LeVar slow dancing with himself, and kept going.  
The riffs in Troy’s voice were angelic, and the camera stayed on long after Troy got up with his guitar and slow-danced around the room as well, still singing.  
“Bravissimo, ben fatto!” LeVar yelled over and over again, in a terrible Italian accent. _

_.._

Abed closed the laptop gently when he had finished everything. He could feel Troy staring into the side of his head, waiting for a reaction. The truth was, Abed didn’t know if he could look at Troy without crying again. So instead of looking at him, he asked “Is your guitar here?”

Troy cleared his throat, obviously not expecting a question. “Uh, yeah, it’s right over there.” He gestured vaguely by the front door.

“Can you play the one, the one about what kind of love?” Abed dared to turn his head to the side, and saw Troy scramble to get up off the couch. He quickly grabbed his guitar, and came and sat back down next to Abed. He started the opening chords, and Abed stared at the drawings all over the worn instrument. He smiled when he saw the one of the Inspector Spacetime logo above what Abed assumed was the telephone booth, a stick figure Inspector Abed and Constable Troy drawn next to it.

“What kind of love just stays the same? What kind of love don’t die alone? What kind of love would take this long? What kind of love don’t make you old?”

Abed listened intently to the words, smiling at the tiny references Troy had laced in, and by the end he had quiet tears rolling, but so did Troy, and yet neither were sad.

“I could listen to you sing for the rest of my life.” Abed said quietly, taking one of Troy’s hands in his own.

“I’d gladly do it.” Troy responded, setting his guitar down to wipe his own tears, then Abed’s.

Abed huffed dramatically. “I have to go to work.” He mumbled as he placed (more like thumped) his head down on Troy’s shoulder. Troy chuckled lightly.

“I know. But you’ll be back here before you know it. And then we can talk some more, yeah?” The circles he was rubbing in Abed’s back sent a wave of comfort over him, so he stood and nodded.

“There isn’t much to do in my apartment. But I’ll take the bus today so you can have my car. And I can tell you some good places to go and-“

“Abed, it’s fine, okay?” Troy laughed. “You take your car, I’ll be okay walking. I need to move my legs a bit more. I’ll find something to do, but nothing too awesome because I wanna save that for you.”

Abed smiled, and gave finger guns to Troy before running into his room to change. He closed the door gently before pulling the other two New Abed outfits out of the closet. He ran the scenarios in his head before deciding on the pink shirt with the grey jacket, and he could just wear the same black skinny jeans he had worn yesterday, if he remembered correctly (of course he did). He put on the new Vans he had bought as well, and slipped out of his room to the bathroom, and again, he was remiss about the lack of montages in real life.

He came out of the bathroom to find Troy sipping coffee - well, choking on coffee. Abed gave a smirk and walked over and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Don’t miss me too much.” He said in his best cool-guy-Jeff impression, and winked as he grabbed his bag and keys and headed out the door.

Troy barely had time to process what exactly had happened aside from the fact that a, for lack of better words, _smoking hot Abed_ had just waltzed out of the bathroom like it was no big deal.

..

Abed’s day was incredibly boring. He came in during lunch break, and gave a quiet thank you to Henry, the kid who had managed to cover the first part of the day for him.

“It was no problem, Abed. Honestly, today seems to be kind of a bust, I think Link is gonna have us strike soon.” Henry whispered to him, focusing intently on Link arguing with somebody on production, the main character standing by.

“Seems like that’s all it is lately.” Abed whispered back.

Abed _knew_ the way this show was going it wouldn’t last. The plot was loose, the characters were flimsy, and each episode there was some huge plot twist that lost viewer’s interest. That was why today, Abed had come in with a script of his own. He knew today was likely a day that somebody from executive would stop by, since they were halfway through the pilot season and ratings were incredibly low. But there was nothing to do until somebody showed up, so Abed walked around silently like he always did, and played glorified-assistant to Link.

Hours passed by and Abed was just getting done striking the set with Henry and another man from crew before the thought crossed his mind to check his phone. 6:17. The only notification he saw was a direct message on Twitter. Once he finished putting away his section of the set, he excused himself to the bathroom, confused, and locked the door behind him.

**From: @TroyTBone09  
hey buddy! i saw your fridge was like, basically empty, so i mayyyy have gone overboard buying groceries for you…let me know when you’re leaving so i can start cooking :)**

Abed suddenly felt like a huge asshole. He never gave Troy his new number. _Fuck_.

**To: @TroyTBone09  
Hi, I’ll be leaving soon. Have to drop something off with executive and then I’ll be on my way home. Thank you for buying groceries, I forgot that I’m not feeding myself anymore.**

Abed put his phone number in as well, then exited the restroom to find executive. Luckily, he didn’t have to go very far. Unluckily, he bumped into her and caused her to drop all of her things, including her phone, which may or may not have cracked.

“Oh my, oh my goodness, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you, please, let me help-“ Abed immediately crouched down and tried to gather all of her things together. He expected more yelling or even a disgruntled sigh, so the laugh that came from the woman threw him off guard and caused him to pause his cleaning as he looked at her.

“This is exactly how I expected today to end.” She sighed. “But really, don’t be worried. I needed to upgrade my phone anyways.” She took her things from Abed’s hands, and then Abed helped her stand up as she got her wits about her again. She finally made eye contact with him as she was about to say thank you, but instead she cocked an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly (Abed recognized that as most people’s “thinking” look). “You’re…Abed Nadir, right?”

Abed was taken aback by the fact that someone outside of the crew knew his full name. He stuck out his hand awkwardly, realized she didn’t have enough free hands to shake it, and put it back by his side. “Yes, I am. You’re Melanie Diaz from executive.” He wasn’t asking, he knew, and he mentally kicked himself for not doing the “oh, I don’t know you, do I?” act that you’re supposed to do to be polite when meeting new people. Thankfully, she just nodded.

“Do you mind walking me to my car, Abed? I have some questions I’d love for you to answer.” Abed nodded and walked alongside her as they exited the set. “How do you feel the show is progressing?” She asked him gently. Abed couldn’t tell if she wanted a genuine answer or a fake answer, so he thought it best to be straightforward.

“Honestly, I don’t think it will last a second season, if it even gets through the first. The plot is sloppy, the actors aren’t invested because the characters are poorly-written, the ratings are low because the audience can’t get a grasp on how the show is supposed to play out. I’ve tried to give my input on how things could be improved, but I’m basically just a glorified intern who gets paid to get yelled at even though I was told that I’d be able to have more input here when I was hired.” The tone of Abed’s voice was almost robotic, and he had more numbers running in his head than he thought Melanie would care to hear, and this would be a natural point to pause and have her respond, and so she did.

“I probably shouldn’t say this, since I’m on the board who approved this show and is supposed to see it succeed, but-“ she stopped for a moment, causing Abed to stop. “This has to be one of the worst shows I’ve ever put on television.” Abed didn’t know how to react, so he mirrored her when she gave a quick and light chuckle, and then they kept walking. “If you have ideas for the show, I’d love to hear them. Anything to get the ratings up so we don’t lose a ton of money in a show that gets cancelled halfway through the first season.”

“Actually, I do have ideas, but not about this show. As far as I can tell, this show ends up in the can no matter which way we steer it.” _I’ve run the simulations_. “But I do, however, have ideas for a different show.” He said as they arrived at Melanie’s car.

She unlocked her car and placed the things in the passenger seat and closed the door, looking expectantly at Abed. He fumbled to pull out a copy of his pilot script.

“It’s called _Seasons_. It’s about a group of friends who come together through unlikely circumstances, except that they were all destined to meet, and it shows them through different timelines. This is just the pilot episode, but I already mapped the whole first season, if you’re interested.” He handed it to Melanie, who read through it carefully as he spoke.

“This is _really_ good, Abed. Take my business card,” she said as she pulled a card out of her wallet. “And we can set up a meeting for next week for an official pitch.” She took Abed’s hand a gave it a firm shake. “We’ll be in touch!” She said as she got into the driver’s seat, driving away as Abed stood there motionless. This was everything he wanted. He pulled out his phone and texted Troy he had big news.

..

“Abed? What’s the news?” Troy asked excitedly as Abed walked through the front door. Abed put his bag down and set his keys on the table by the door before finally turning around to see a very fit, very shirtless Troy in an apron.

Abed held up a finger, mouth agape. “That. Is very nice.” He said, before clearing his throat and shaking his head. “I gave a copy of my script _Seasons_ to somebody from executive and she really liked it and I have a pitch meeting next week.”

“Abed! That’s amazing!” Troy stepped forward to hug him, then hesitated. Abed cocked his head a little bit to give Troy the okay, and hugged him back.

“So. Shirtless cooking. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.” Abed said, now unable to take his eyes off of Troy’s midsection.

Troy laughed. “Got a little warm in the kitchen.” He shrugged his shoulders in mock-innocence. He turned to head back but was stopped by a hand on his arm. Abed put a kiss on his neck, making Troy’s breath catch.

“Maybe I’ll turn the AC off if it means I come home to this every day.” He said in a low voice.

“What about-“ Troy sucked in as Abed’s lips lingered. “About taking it slow?”

“Mm. I still want to. Just wanted to try the flustering-my-partner-unexpectedly trope.” Abed walked off to the kitchen, leaving Troy flustered and huffing in the front room. “Ooh, buttered noodles.” Abed called from the other room.

..

“Can you play me another song?” Abed asked as they sat curled on the couch, empty bowls in front of them on the coffee table.

“Which one do you want to hear?” Abed turned to see Troy looking up at him with doe-like eyes that could envy Annie’s.

“Hmm. I liked the one that went like, you feel like summertime.” Abed sang the last words gently. The only person he would sing in front of was Troy, and he smiled fondly at the memory of Fievel and their duet.

“Sure.” Troy leaned over to quickly peck Abed’s cheek, then reached behind the couch for his guitar. He started strumming the chords, bopping his head along to the music. Abed tapped his fingers lightly on his knee. “You feel like summertime. You took this heart of mine. You’ll be my valentine of the summer, of the summer.” Troy stood up in front of Abed. “You are my only one, just dancing, having fun, out in the shining sun of the summer, of the summer.” Troy started swaying and moving as he went into the chorus, gesturing for Abed to get up and dance with him.

Abed smiled and got up, lazily swaying near Troy before slow-dancing with him as he put his guitar down and just sang sweetly in his ear.

He didn’t think he could feel more content. At least, not until he was laying in bed next to Troy, who sang “Somewhere Out There” to him quietly as he fell asleep.

And to think three days ago he was sleeping alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again!  
> i'll be honest. right now i have no idea what this will turn into. if you've read my other work you will know i'm in a state of perpetual writer's block/creativity overflow mode, but for completely different things. the absolute WORST combo.  
> i've been rewatching community since they put it back on netflix and you already know i had to make a fix-it reunion fic to help my heart, so here is a 6000 word filler because i needed to do something in the middle of the night and i fell asleep to troy and abed being troy and abed.  
> what will this end up being? a collection of one shots? eventual multi-chapter? the beginning of a series? only time will tell.  
> enjoy this for now, if i create more, than it is the will of the writing gods above, and if not, i hope this isn't too shitty.  
> be well, be safe, be happy. much love to you all in these crazy times.


	4. still best friends. always.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this gets a little nsfw and theres some triggering things in this chapter SO this is my trigger box:  
> **  
> NSFW content  
> mentions of self harm  
> **  
> if these things make you uncomfortable, please be aware that they are included in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!!!  
> i missed you a lot.  
> i wanted to give you guys a really good chapter to come back and read but tbh nothing i wrote seemed to get it right so this is just what i'm calling my final draft of this chapter.  
> be happy, be well, be safe. much love to you all <3

**Easily - Bruno Major**

_**Just because it don't come easily  
Doesn't mean we shouldn't try** _

When Troy woke up late the next morning (it was basically the afternoon), his arm was splayed across an empty left side of the bed, the sheets drawn back up gently to his chin. He looked around the room as he sat up and stretched widely, then sucked in air quietly as his feet touched the cold floor. He rubbed at his bare stomach as he looked for a shirt to put on. The dresser drawer he saw still slightly open only had socks, so he trudged out to the living room to pull out a wrinkled t-shirt from his duffel bag. He roamed around the apartment lazily as he tried to find Abed, before he caught sight of a note on the table by the front door. He picked it up as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the slight blur of sleep in them.

_Be back soon. Getting a surprise. -A_

The capital, near-block lettering made Troy grin as he set the note back down. He had forgotten that Abed wrote in all capital letters because it was more difficult to copy than other forms of writing.

_“I don’t want anyone to be able to copy my handwriting and steal my identity or frame me for crimes I didn’t commit. I would do cursive, but I can’t read it so I definitely couldn’t write it.”  
“But wouldn’t anybody be able to trace letters?”  
Abed paused for a moment, his brow furrowed as he thought. “It’d take too long. I very rarely use every letter in the alphabet in a single note or page of writing, they’d have to have hundreds of pages worth of notes to get every letter. Like X. How often am I writing the letter X? Never.”  
_

He always somehow could make a point for anything he did. It used to drive Troy crazy when they first met, but that was before he understood what was happening in that brain of his. He managed to convince Troy to write in all capitals too, and soon after Troy’s written assignments started getting higher grades, but he was sure his handwriting had nothing to do with it.

He sat down on the couch and pulled out his laptop, and went back to editing his movie, even though Abed had already watched it. He wanted to perfect it because Abed deserved perfect. Or, that’s what he believed.

Soon enough, Abed strolled in through the door, holding a large plastic bag stuffed with to-go boxes. He dropped his keys and wallet into the bowl by the door and met Troy on the couch, briefly kissing his temple as he set the bag down.

“Don’t eat anything yet, I’m not done with the surprise.” He said hurriedly as he ran into the kitchen. Troy was still stuck on the way Abed’s lips felt on his temple, so he just sat quietly. He heard a couple of cabinet doors open and close as he put his laptop away and waited patiently on the couch. “Okay, close your eyes.” Abed called.

Troy put his hands over his eyes, and laughed when Abed swatted his arm when he tried to peek between his fingers. He took Troy’s computer from his lap, and the feeling of his fingertips grazing his thigh made Troy’s face go hot.

“Okay, open!”

Troy gasped at the sheer amount of food laid out before him. Waffles and pancakes and all of their favorite breakfast foods with all the toppings their hearts could desire, and two large cups, one for each of them.

“Special drink?” Troy asked, looking at Abed. He nodded, and Troy quickly swooped in for a kiss before digging into the food. “Abed you didn’t have to do all this, but thank you. I forgot how _good_ American food can be sometimes.” He took a big sip of special drink and let out a content hum.

“It’s okay. This is my ‘celebrating quitting my job’ gift to you, so I can focus on my show and be ready to pitch it next week.” Abed said as he carefully cut himself a piece of pancake and swirled it in syrup. “The show I was working for isn’t very good. I called this morning to let them know I wouldn’t be coming into work anymore. Then my boss yelled at me for a while, and when I didn’t say anything else he hung up. So I guess he was upset.”

“What’s your show about?” Troy asked, gulping down food so he could get the question out.

“It’s about a group of friend who come together through unlikely circumstances, except they were destined to meet, and it shows them through different timelines.” Abed abruptly stood and went over to his bag and pulled out a copy of the script. “I based it off of the study group, and I haven’t asked everyone else yet, but I don’t think they’ll mind.”

Troy scanned through the script, then pointed at a line on the page. “Is this supposed to be us? ‘Tate and Andy extend out their hands for their handshake’.”

“Yeah. In my show, the versions of you and me are always friends. Season one mostly follows the same progression as the cultivation of the study group and our real relationship, except for the part where you return from sea, because I didn’t include that part. Season three you and me have a bad falling out as a result of something that Pierce says, that becomes the climax of the season, and the resolution of our conflicts becomes the focal point for the second half of the season. In season five, the entire study group is enlisted by the army to go undercover and bring down different country leaders to end World War III. You and I get married to keep our cover and live in a war-ridden Britain while the rest of the study group focuses on the war in other countries.”

“Whoa. That sounds really cool. What about the other seasons?”

“Season two is set in the 80’s, and Pierce’s character is basically there for the sake of keeping the time period on track. Season four is set in the evil timeline, so Pierce’s character is dead, and we try and take over other timelines. And season six we come back to the same timeline as season one, and originally I had it written to where we all go our separate ways. But I like the idea of our characters staying together. After all, they did manage to make it work through six different timelines.”

“Six seasons.” Troy smiled.

“And a movie. Hopefully.” Abed grinned back at him.

The pair sat and ate the rest of their breakfast while Abed gave Troy every detail he had pertaining to _Seasons_. He started getting lost in his own head after a while and abandoned his food, so Troy set his plate down, too. He was perfectly happy just listening to Abed talk about his passion. There was something about the way Abed talked about TV that always captured Troy’s full attention.

_Abed threw open the door to his dorm room, leaving Troy to gently close it behind them. He began pacing the way he did when he was upset (maybe because Annie got mad at Jeff for being inconsiderate and self-absorbed and Abed pointed out that most leading men are, probably because Jeff had yelled at him for being an inanimate robot, and_ definitely _because Jeff told him his head was too far up his own ass to notice that everyone else around him didn’t think TV and reality were the same), and Troy led him to the couch. It was the last day of fall semester and the subsequent beginning of winter break, and the light snow falling outside made the room feel like the warmest place on Earth.  
_ “ _Here’s the thing about TV, Troy.” Abed abruptly turned to face Troy, his hands clasped in front of him. “It always feels complete. The characters have backgrounds and origins that complete who they are as a person, the plots have endings that tie things up in a nice pretty bow. Real life is messy and confusing and incomplete. And the things that happen to me as a person will never give me closure but TV does. There’s always some type of closure. But not for me. Not for people in real life. Closure is a thing that nobody gets because it doesn’t exist.”  
“That’s not true, Abed. We can make closure happen, it just…has to fall into place.”  
“My mom didn’t give me closure.” He whispered. “She just left. And didn’t come back.” Troy winced at the voice crack and immediately pulled Abed into his arms. He had forgotten how close it was to the anniversary of his mom leaving. “So when people make fun of me for holding onto TV too tightly it’s because everyone leaves and I don’t get closure but TV doesn’t do that. So just…don’t make fun of me for it, because it’s the only way I feel complete.” Troy could feel the tears on his neck, but Abed tried to make no indication he was crying.  
“I’m not going to leave you, Abed. You’ll always have me. I promise, okay? And I’d never make fun of you for loving something and being passionate about something, no matter what. We all deserve to find passion.”_

“Troy?” The question snapped Troy out of his memory. Abed’s head was cocked slightly sideways, and his brows were furrowed in a look of confusion. “What’s wrong?”

Troy didn’t realize he’d started crying. “I promised I wouldn’t leave.” He wiped at his eyes, but only made himself cry harder. “The Christmas before I left. I promised I wouldn’t leave and then I was gone for _so long_.”

“But you came back.” Abed interjected right away. “I never blamed you for leaving. You had to go and figure out who you were. And you did and you could’ve gone anywhere in the world but you came back to me. And I think that stands for something.” Abed thumbed away the tears that rolled down Troy's face, and gently cupped his chin. “You made me a movie about your entire trip, because you wanted to share it with me. And you figured out what kind of person you were without being dependent on me or anyone else and you _thrived_. You didn’t need me before and you don’t need me now, because you’re perfectly capable of doing it on your own. But you came back anyways. It’s like you never left me at all.” Abed gave him a sad smile, and leaned in to kiss his forehead. “ _This_ is closure.”

“Can I please kiss you?” Troy whimpered out. In an instant Abed’s lips were on his, and Troy didn’t think he’d ever been kissed so deeply and gently in his whole life.

“I love you.” Abed breathed out in between kisses, his hands moving around Troy’s body.

“I love you more.” Troy responded, relishing the feeling of his fingertips barely touching his skin.

The soft kisses evolved into deeper kisses, and soon Abed was pushing into Troy and Troy was perfectly fine letting Abed take the lead. It was when Abed stood and dragged Troy to his feet that he put together where (he thought) this was going, and that thought was confirmed by Abed pulling on his shirt to tell Troy he wanted it off, to which Troy quickly obliged. Abed pulled off his own shirt with ease, and Troy caught a glimpse of something he didn’t want to believe he had seen. Before he had a chance to get the words out of his mouth, Abed answered for him.

“Later.” He breathed, and reached down for his belt buckle to undo. Troy reached to help him but Abed pushed his hands away and moved them towards the bedroom as he pulled the belt out of its loops. As Troy got distracted by Abed’s hands gripping his waist, he was thrown into even more of a shock when Abed lifted him off the ground and wrapped his legs around him.

_Fuck._ Abed was _strong_. He put Troy onto the bed and proceeded to remove the shorts he’d slept in, and Troy tried to sit up to reach for the button on those damned ripped skinny jeans, but Abed forced him back down.

“ _Stay_.” He growled into Troy’s ear, and he threw his head back as Abed pushed his own pants off, before making his way down to Troy’s stomach. The kisses he put all over Troy’s body drove him absolutely insane, and by the time he got up to Troy’s neck, he caught Abed’s wrist. Abed stopped immediately, and looked to make eye contact with the man below him. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly, interlacing his fingers with Troy’s and putting them up to his mouth to place small kisses.

Troy nodded. “Is this what you want? You don’t think this is going too fast for you?” He asked, looking into Abed’s eyes for any sense of direction. Abed leaned down and placed a long, deep kiss on his lips.

“If it’s something you want to do. I won’t do anything you don’t want. I’m doing this because it’s something I want and am ready to do with you.” He kissed his cheeks, and his temples, and his forehead, before kissing his nose again and making Troy giggle. The part of Troy’s brain that was focused on how quickly Abed had switched personas here, from commanding and in charge to sweet and gentle was overwhelming him slightly. The other part of Troy’s brain was focused on…well…

“I want to.” Troy said, holding Abed’s face in his hands, smiling up at him.

“Do you want me to be gentle or do you want me to do what I was doing before? I noticed you weren’t saying anything, so if it wasn’t comfortable for you or you were feeling uneasy you just need to let me know. I want you to feel safe with me and that you trust me.”

“I do trust you. And I do feel safe with you.” Troy grinned. “I liked it. I was just…caught off guard. In a good way.” He added quickly. Abed kept looking down at him, like Troy hadn’t answered his question. “Please, keep doing what you were doing before.”

Abed nodded, and his next response was to push Troy’s hands back down to the bed and go back to kissing his neck, making Troy writhe underneath him. “Stay still.” He nipped at Troy’s ear, and when Abed moved back down his body he kept one hand locked with Troy’s, only letting go to remove the last of his clothing. He looked up at Troy. “You’re absolutely sure?”

“Fuck- yes, please- I’m sure.” Troy breathed out, the feeling of Abed’s warm breath on him making it hard for words to form.

To say that Troy couldn’t keep it together would be an understatement. He let out an almost embarrassing noise when Abed first put his mouth on him, and the weight of Abed’s hands pushing into his hips to keep him still made him want to melt into a puddle in Abed’s palms.

And Abed was _really_ good at this. Like, _really_ good. _How does he know how to do that so well?_ Troy wondered how he left Greendale without experiencing this before. Maybe if he’d done this, he wouldn’t have ever left. Just as his mind was beginning to wander, Abed suddenly pulled up, grinning at Troy, eyes dark with passion.

“A-Abed, why-“

Abed stood up and pulled Troy to a seated position. From where he was sitting, Troy was eye-level with the zipper on Abed’s skinny jeans. Troy looked up at Abed, knowing Abed would understand what he was trying to convey. “Go on.” Abed said.

Quickly Troy worked on getting his pants undone, and gave a breathy whimper when he pulled down Abed’s boxers.

_Now could be the time to flip it around. For you to be in charge._

The thought wasn’t in his head long before he felt Abed’s fingers in his hair, gently moving him forward. The moan that Abed made when Troy finally opened his mouth and put it around Abed was enough to make Troy reach for himself, but Abed caught him quickly.

“No. Not until I say so.” Abed growled out, before forcing Troy’s head down farther in a way that made Troy dizzy, but in a good way. He gently guided Troy’s head while Troy caressed his thighs (in an attempt to keep them off himself), and he could tell Abed was close when he pulled Troy’s head back and said, “Look at me.”

Troy looked up and made eye contact with Abed, who’d gone back to guiding him, and the second Abed closed his eyes he can tell he’s at the edge, and the slack in Abed’s grip on the back of his head is an opportune time for Troy to start working the two of them in sync. He can tell this wasn’t what Abed was planning (or expecting) by the way he looks back down at Troy, lips parted slightly, but he doesn’t say anything to stop him, so he keeps going, and before long it’s a mess of moans and sweat and they’re both coming, and Troy flops back down onto the bed, breathing heavily and covered in both of their cum, and he was over the fucking moon.

The feeling of Abed’s tongue on his stomach and his chest made him suck in quickly, and he tilted his head down to see Abed’s curls covering his face, cleaning up their mess. Troy pulled on his arm to bring his lips to Abed’s, and he sighed as Abed hummed contentedly.

“Shower?” He asked Troy, caressing his face.

“Yes.” Troy breathed out.

..

When they were clean and partly dressed and back in bed, Abed’s still-damp hair laying on Troy’s now-damp chest, Troy couldn’t help but wonder what else he had missed out on while he was away. He was carding his fingers through Abed’s hair, and his wet curls hung down his forehead and he was staring off out the window.

“Could we do 20 Questions?” Abed asked suddenly.

Troy stopped running his fingers through his curls. “Sure.” Abed shifted so that Troy could sit up slightly and his head was now in his lap instead of on his chest. “Do you want to start or do you want me to start?”

“I’ll start.” Abed said. He took in a breath before asking his first question. “Did you sleep with anyone while you were away?”

That was a doozy of a first question. Troy swallowed and shifted slightly beneath Abed. “Um, yes.” He said quietly. “A couple of girls. And one guy.”

Abed was silent for a moment. “Okay. Your turn.”

“Did you?” Troy asked sheepishly.

“I had a girlfriend. After you left. We slept together once and then I broke up with her a few days later. And when I first moved out here…” Abed sighed. “I’m not proud of it. But I slept around a little bit. Guys, girls, whatever. I think I was trying to replace you. I gave up after a while.”

“Oh.” Troy said. _Oh._

“Was the guy you slept with the first guy you’d been with?” Abed asked.

Troy coughed a little bit, thrown off by the confidence Abed had in asking him these kinds of questions. “Yeah. I was, well, pretty drunk. And LeVar was gone for the night, visiting some friends. And I brought this guy back to the house we were staying at and he asked me if I wanted to. And I said yes.” Troy strained to get those last four words out, like it was painful for him to admit. It was, partly. He was curious and he wanted to know what it was like, but it wasn’t Abed. “And at the end, I said your name. And he got dressed and slammed the door and stole $100 out of my wallet.”

“You said _my_ name?” Abed turned his head to look at Troy, a bewildered look on his face that made Troy chuckle.

“Yes.” He said sheepishly, looking out the window. “I forgot his name, I’d only met him a couple hours before, and we were drunk, and the only name that was in my head was yours. Always was.”

“Huh.” Abed said, turning back around to put his head back down. “Your turn.”

“How many guys have you been with?” Troy asked, putting his hand back in Abed’s hair, mostly to calm himself down from the anxiety he was feeling.

“10. The first time I started taking interest was around your 21st birthday.” Troy stayed quiet, brows raised a bit at the number, but waited for Abed to continue. “On your birthday, there was this guy. And he was flirting with me and we were talking about Farscape and I _knew_ he was flirting with me, but I just wanted to talk about Farscape. Then he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him and I said no, and he threw his drink on me and left.” Abed sighed. “The rest of the night I was thinking why I turned him down, because I found _you_ so attractive, and this guy and I had stuff in common, so why wasn’t I attracted to him the same way? And then I got out here and there were attractive people so instead of saying no I just said yes, to see if it was any different. But it was never satisfying. I slept mostly with guys when I first got here, because I wasn’t as interested in girls sexually anymore. And then I stopped sleeping with people all together. Because they weren’t you. And I didn’t want to be with anyone if it wasn’t Troy Barnes.”

Troy felt tears brimming on his eyes. “I’m sorry I made you wait so long.” He whispered.

“I would’ve waited forever.” Abed said back, just as quietly.

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes as the room started to grow darker from the sun setting behind the buildings outside.

“Can I ask another question?” Abed squeaked.

“You can ask me a million questions.” Troy responded, bending down to plant a kiss in Abed’s hair.

“If I had said something, _anything_ , before you left, to let you know how I felt, would you have stayed?” Troy pretended like he didn’t hear the slight crack in Abed’s voice.

“Of course.” Troy answered without hesitation. “I would’ve figured it out sooner or later that I was in love with you. If anything, you telling me would’ve done the figuring out for me.” Abed tilted his head back to look up at him, knowing by the way his voice pitched up when he finished talking that he had more to say. “I would have stayed if you had said something. But there’s a possibility I never would have known if I hadn’t left. Like you said earlier, maybe I needed to go to figure out that being with you was where I belonged. And I couldn’t have known that if I hadn’t been without you. Does that…does that make sense?”

Abed nodded. “I was a wreck when you first left. I stayed in my room for a week. I didn’t eat or drink anything, didn’t brush my teeth, none of it. I thought ‘well, if Troy isn’t here, there’s no one worth doing it for’. Annie was staying at Jeff’s place because she could tell I needed some space. And then one day Jeff showed up and I was sitting in the bathtub, holding-“ Abed couldn’t get the next word out, because he was choking back tears. Troy was crying already, because he knew where this was going. “That’s how I got these.” He pointed at his waist and his hips. “I couldn’t feel _anything_ with you gone. This was how I felt _something_.” Abed’s voice was desperate. He refused to look anywhere but the window, and he stared so hard Troy thought his eyes might go dry. “That was the only time I’d seen Jeff cry. And I didn’t have to ask why. I knew. And I felt awful. But he just took it from me and helped bandage me up and slept on the floor next to me in the bunk bed and held my hand.” Abed wiped furiously at his eyes. “I asked him later why he came that day and he said he had a feeling. And if he hadn’t…” Abed trailed off. Troy put his arms under his armpits and pulled him up to his chest and hugged him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Abed. I’m so, so, so sorry.” Troy whimpered. Abed turned his body around so he was facing Troy and buried his face in his neck. “I promise, I _really_ promise this time, that I’m not going anywhere without you. Never again.”

“Okay.” Abed whispered.

“I love you.” Troy croaked out.

“I know.” Abed sighed.

..

Waking up the next morning was like waking up in an alternate universe to Troy. Abed was cradled in his arms, the same position he had fallen asleep in last night, and all it took was Troy glancing down at Abed’s waist to bring him to tears again. He tried to keep it controlled and minimal, but his shaking woke Abed up, and he immediately apologized and tried to calm himself down, to no avail.

“Shh. It’s okay, I promise it’s okay, I’m okay.” Abed repeated over and over again in his ear, now the one holding Troy and stroking his hair instead of the other way around. “You didn’t do this, it’s not your fault.”

Troy desperately wanted to believe him. Anything to make him take away the ache in his heart he felt for what Abed had to go through. But he couldn’t. Not when he was the root cause behind why Abed did it. “It is.” he croaked out.

“Never.” Abed pressed a kiss into his temple. They sat this way for a while, until Troy’s gulping sobs became silent shudders, all the while Abed pressed light kisses everywhere he could reach. “C’mere.” Abed said, gently moving Troy to get up off the bed, pulling Troy up with him when he went. When Troy stumbled a little bit, Abed scooped him up and wrapped his legs around his waist. He carried them to the kitchen and sat Troy on the counter.

Troy stared down at his lap, unable to make eye contact with the man in front of him.

“Troy.” Troy shook his head. “Troy, can you please look at me?” Again, he shook his head. Abed sighed and crouched down to be under Troy’s nose. He smiled sadly at Troy, and Troy gave a small sigh a picked his head up so Abed could stand again. “I never have, and I never will, blame you for anything that happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, leaving me on a boat and all.” Troy started to look down again but Abed caught his chin with his finger. “I’m okay with this. And I can understand it could take some time. But this never changed how I felt about you, and it never will. You’re the reason I’m here. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Troy had never seen this much emotion cross Abed’s face before. He nodded slowly, and Abed sighed in relief. He started to lean in, but stopped an inch away from Troy. “Can I kiss you?” Troy closed the gap between them and kissed Abed, and the love he felt flow through was enough for him to temporarily cast aside his doubts.

Abed made Special Drink for the two of them while Troy continued to sit on the counter, and sipped it silently while Abed stood in front of him. When they finished, Abed took the cups and washed them in the sink, then picked Troy up and carried them back to the bedroom.

“Abed?” Troy asked after a while.

“Yeah, Troy?”

“Did you want to know anything else?” Troy asked, voice tight from not speaking much.

Abed sat silently. “It can wait.” Troy knew what he was referring to. He didn’t feel up for talking about it right now.

“Okay.”

“What’s the tattoo?” Troy knew by the way he pitched his voice that this was different than the original question he wanted to ask. Troy held out his right arm.

“Love is a passion. Truth is a power.” Troy said, putting his arm back down. “I got the truth one first. I got it in Hawaii, and I technically got it because of a dare with one of the locals. He challenged me to an arm wrestle, and I was drunk enough to think I could take it, but in hindsight he was huge and I was kind of a twig.” He chuckled. “Loser had to get a tattoo. And I remembered a conversation you and I had, before I left.”

_“You can lie to everybody but me.” Abed said. He set down his bag in their apartment. “A lifetime of observation has told me that when you want to lie your voice gets slightly louder and slightly higher-pitched, and you can’t make eye contact with the person you’re trying to lie to. So, don’t tell me that nothing’s going on, because I know something is. You’ve been yelling all day and you didn’t look at anyone today.”  
“You’re not God, Abed, okay?” Troy yelled out, exacerbated by the conversation they were having that had somehow lasted all day. “You can’t just tell me that you _know _me and not trust me.”  
“I do trust you. I just know that you’re not telling me something.”  
Troy let out a groan of frustration. “If I wanted to tell you, I would have by now.”  
“No you wouldn’t have.”  
“Yes, I- Jesus, Abed!” And Troy broke. He dropped down to the floor and put his head in his hands and cried, while Abed stood above him not knowing what to do. After a moment, Troy sighed. “My mom has cancer.” Abed sat down across from Troy, not knowing how to react.  
“I’m sorry to hear that.” He said, trying to make the emotion he was feeling come through in his actions. He put a hesitant hand on Troy’s, and was shocked to see Troy wrap his fingers around it, and even more shocked that he didn’t mind the physical touch. He scooted in closer to Troy. “In my attempt to break out of pop culture being my crutch a little bit ago, I learned a lot of quotes. Mostly from writers.” He said, his voice quieter than before. Troy nodded, head still in his lap. “Oscar Wilde said ‘the truth is rarely pure and never simple’. And Mark Twain said ‘never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it’.”  
“So?” Troy asked wetly.  
“So, the truth is a powerful thing, Troy. And sometimes it may hurt to hear, or to be a part of, but it’s something a lot greater than any of us. It is it’s own power.”_

“‘Truth is it’s own power’. I’ve never heard anything like it. And I was never going to get a tattoo, but if I had to have one because of a dumb bet, I wanted it to be something special. So, ‘truth is a power’.” Troy finished.

“What about love?” Abed asked, sure he already knew the answer.

“Well, that one I got sober. And I remember you and I having a talk about passion. And how it’s okay to be passionate about certain things and that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. So after I made my coming out video to you, in London, close to the Inspector Spacetime set, I got a tattoo. ‘Love is a passion’. LeVar would always go on about how it was impossible to be so passionate about making a movie for a friend back home. And I had to explain to him you were more than just a friend, you were my best friend, the person I could go to for anything. And that I loved you. And that’s my passion. You are. And love is. So that’s why I got that one.”

By now the raw emotion from the night before and the early morning had dissipated some, and Abed was back to laying on Troy’s middle, one hand interlocked with Troy’s, and the other resting on his stomach while Troy combed through his hair.

“That’s a nice sentiment.” Abed said, sighing contentedly as Troy scratched his head gently. “I’d get one for you, but you know I don’t like needles.”

“I know.” Troy pressed a kiss into the top of his head. “That’s okay.”

Abed turned over so that they were chest to chest, and he practically fell as he leaned to give Troy a kiss, making him chuckle. “You know,” Troy said between kisses to catch his breath. “You seem to have backtracked on the ‘taking things slow’ discussion we had.” Abed pulled back.

“Is this not what you want?” He cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy, giving Troy his best doe eyes (second only to Annie’s). “Because I can stop. I know I’ve been really forward, I just want you to feel-“

“Hey, hey, hey, easy, tiger.” Troy pulled him back into his lap. “I’m okay with whatever you want to do. I just want you to feel comfortable since I know you were a bit…overwhelmed when I first got back.” Abed nodded slowly. “So if this is what you want to do, I’m all for it. And you can tell me at any time that you want to stop and I’ll back off. Just like I trust you, I need you to trust me, too? Okay? We have to communicate.”

“Okay.” Abed nodded curtly and leaned back into Troy’s embrace, and Troy sighed when he felt Abed’s fingers interlace with his. Then Abed began whining quietly and gently tried to make it known what it was he wanted, and it made Troy chuckle the way the night before he had been the one so in control of everything- his emotions, his actions, _Troy_. And now he was clinging and moving for Troy to be the one in control, and then Troy’s brain short-circuited, and he must have blacked out from the pure, unfiltered _joy_ he felt being here, with Abed, right now.


	5. my first true love, falling for my best friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alright i gotta say a bunch of things so i'm just gonna rattle them off  
> first: suit inspo for abed was danny at the mythic quest premiere like damn is he fine. suit inspo for troy was donald on the tonight show in 2016. like damn he is also fine.  
> second: the house im tryna describe is a real legit house i saw on zillow while looking for something completely unrelated but i literally fell in love with it so much i literally changed the entire plot of this chapter to include it. 2727 dicturn st in la if anybody was interested lol might honestly be one of the prettiest houses i've ever seen.  
> third: i feel like this chapter was really cheesy but like i was feeling kinda sappy so. there you go. sorry it's mostly awful i tried.  
> fourth but i meant to put it first oops: this takes place like six months or so after the last chapter. i tried multiple times to write while abed's show was being created but frankly i don't know enough about the industry to accurately portray it, so everything i tried sounded really dumb, so i just skipped to the part where it was out and successful and completed. so sorry  
> and i am gonna finish what i have to say in the notes bc i'm running out of characters oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and finally.  
> i don't deserve the love you guys have been giving me, but i am deeply and eternally grateful for it. the comments that got left on my last chapter, specifically, brought tears to my eyes. your kind words and support have pushed me to keep writing, and i am doing my best to give you guys something you will enjoy reading and can find yourselves immersed in. these characters mean so much to me, as i'm sure they do to you, and i hope i am doing them justice writing them the way i am. i want nothing more than to make this a place where you could see the future for them, regardless of how the show ended.  
> you guys continue to amaze me and truly are amazing. i am really so blessed. thank you for pushing me. thank you for the feedback and the comments and the kudos. thank you for allowing me to publish this in a place where i feel safe sharing my ideas for them. it's an incredible feeling.  
> be happy. be safe. be well. so, so, SO much love to you all <3

**Motion - Khalid**

_**Honey, I forgot to mention  
I'm so entranced by you, it hurts** _

“Troy! We’re going to be late!” Abed called from the bathroom, sticking his neck out a bit to try and slip the top button into place. He smiled as he saw Troy walk in behind him, who turned him around and started to button his shirt for him.

“Is everyone else meeting us at the premier?” He asked, smoothing out the collar of Abed’s shirt and adjusting his jacket.

“Yes. Annie has already texted in the group chat about forty times to be there on time.” Abed said, turning back around to mess with his hair more. He looked at Troy through the mirror, who was smoothing out his own shirt and tucking it into his pants. He couldn’t take his eyes off him. “The navy really suits you.”

Troy stopped momentarily and smiled wide at Abed. “Thank you.” He leaned forward to kiss Abed’s cheek. “It doesn’t look as good as that gray pinstripe looks on you though.” He pulled his sleeve up slightly to look at his watch and gasped. “Okay, babe, we really have to go, otherwise we’re gonna get an earful from Annie.” He dragged Abed out by his wrist, and Abed barely caught the light switch as he was pulled out the front door.

The pair ran downstairs to the lobby, where Melanie was waiting, blatantly irritated with the pair’s inability to be punctual. “Abed, I really thought you were more capable of being on time.” She joking elbowed him, and took one of each of their arms to hold on to, and led them outside to their car. Troy quickly reached out and opened the car door for Abed, placing a kiss on his cheek as he got inside. “I’ll be in the car ahead of you two. When you get there, find your friends and show them where to go to sit. Then, you two need to do press walk, and then you can go to your table. Got all that?”

Troy nodded. “Got it, Mel. Thank you, for everything.” He leaned in quickly and kissed her on the cheek, making her blush gently.

“You’re the best, Melanie!” Abed called from the car as she walked to her own. She blew a kiss to the two of them before disappearing into the backseat and driving away.

Abed looked out the window in an attempt to calm himself down. Outwardly, his expression was blank, but internally, he felt like he was a volcano about to explode.

_Abed stared straight ahead.  
“I’ll do it.” It rang out in his head over and over and over again. He’ll do it? He’ll leave Abed here and sail around the world? He’ll leave his _best friend _, just for some money? He’ll_ do it _?  
“Abed?” Abed didn’t move. He kept staring straight ahead. He was already gone. “Abed, look at me.” He wasn’t here, he already left. “Abed!” Abed blinked slowly, and turned his head slightly to the right. “Abed?” No, he can’t be here, he already agreed, he already left.  
“Troy?”  
“Yeah, buddy. What’s going on with you, seriously, you’re freaking me out.” It wasn’t a question. He was demanding an answer, despite his tone appearing gentle.  
“Nothing. Everything’s fine.” Except you’re leaving. No, don’t betray yourself like that, no emotions.  
Troy sighed and walked back to his bedroom._

“Hey.” He felt a hand on his knee, and looked over at Troy, who’s brow was furrowed in concern. “You okay?”

Abed smiled. “Everything’s great.” He took Troy’s hand in his own. Troy smiled back at him.

“Netflix, babe, can you even believe it?” Troy sighed happily. “You and me, going to a Netflix premier for _your show_ , about all of us? I never would have believed it.”

Abed brought their interlocked hands to his lips and placed a soft kiss on Troy’s knuckles. “Never would have been possible if Jeff hadn’t tried to get in Britta’s pants and made a fake study group.”

Troy laughed loudly. “You’re absolutely right.”

The car pulled alongside a curb, where there were flashing lights and a _ridiculous_ amount of people. Abed took a deep breath, and felt Troy squeeze his hand. “Remember you can always be Clone Abed if you start feeling overwhelmed, okay?” Abed nodded, and squeezed Troy’s hand back. Troy pushed the car door open, and got out, reaching for Abed’s hand to help him exit the vehicle.

The flashing lights became more sporadic as paparazzi started taking pictures, calling out to Abed with questions and comments and general noise. Abed could feel his chest start to constrict, but exhaled gratefully when he felt Troy’s hand on his back, rubbing small circles into it. Abed smiled down at Troy, then looked out at the sea of cameras in front of him.

He leaned down to Troy’s ear and said, “Let’s go find the rest of the group.” He pulled back to see Troy’s smile, and when he felt him take his hand, the cameras and yelling and lights really seemed to fade away. The pair walked into a small tent where guests were waiting, and it only took half a second for Annie to squeal and the rest of the group to engulf Troy and Abed in a hug.

“You guys!” Annie said as they all pulled away, happy tears brimming her eyes. Shirley and Britta were holding each other, wiping at their eyes, and even Jeff looked a bit emotional as he pulled Abed in for a second hug, just their own. Abed didn’t have to look at Troy to know he was crying.

“Alright, listen, we can all sit here and cry for the night, or we can let these two go do their thing and catch up at the table in a bit.” Jeff said, pulling the girls off of Troy and Abed. Abed silently thanked him and pointed him to the lobby of the building where they were supposed to check in and get their table assignment. It took another minute or so of see-you-soons and we’re-so-proud-of-yous before the foursome were finally off and Abed and Troy could gather themselves.

Abed thumbed the rest of Troy’s tears away before placing a kiss on his forehead. “You okay? Ready to go out there and be the hottest couple on the carpet?”

Troy chuckled wetly, and fixed Abed’s collar and jacket. “Yes, I am ready to go out there with my total smoke show of a boyfriend.” He got on his toes for a quick peck on the lips before they left the tent.

As they walked the carpet slowly, stopping every now and again to pose for pictures, Abed couldn’t help but stare at Troy the whole time. He only looked up briefly to find which reporter was asking the question before answering.

“Mr. Nadir! Mr. Nadir!” Someone called. Abed peeled his eyes away from Troy long enough to identify the reporter before giving a quick nod to indicate he’d answer. “What are you most proud of in regards to your show?”

“I’m obviously incredibly proud and grateful to the entire cast and crew. None of this would be possible without their willingness to bring my show to life. And Melanie Diaz has been a great friend throughout this whole process, which has been new and frankly, a bit overwhelming for me.” Abed looked back over at Troy, who was smiling up at him. “But I’m mostly proud of my boyfriend, for dealing with the long nights and early mornings and weeks on end of pure work. He’s my rock. Always has been.” He leaned down to put a long, loving kiss on Troy’s lips, before putting a hand on his back to gently nudge him toward the end of the carpet.

Someone came and directed the two inside, and led them to their table, where Jeff was nursing a scotch, and the girls were leaned in talking wildly to one another. Abed pulled out Troy’s seat, on Annie’s left, and took his own seat on Jeff’s right. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked over at Jeff, who leaned in to say something to him.

“I want you to know I’m incredibly proud of you and everything you’ve done. You inspire me.” He pulled back and took a long sip of his drink, and Abed had to swallow the lump in his throat. Two sentences and he was practically a mess. He’s gone soft over the years.

..

The night was spent with lots of laughter and tears and, in the case of the visiting members of the study group, drinks. Troy had noticeably avoided drinks all night, which surprised Abed only because he thought Troy would indulge himself since it was a special occasion after all. The group remained long after the premiere had ended and most everyone had cleared out. As the night started visibly coming to a close, Jeff stood up, glass in hand.

“Let’s all raise a glass to Troy and Abed.” Everyone picked up their respective drinks and held them up. “Troy, we’re thrilled you’re home, although slightly jealous you didn’t contact anybody else except Abed when you finally got back.” Everyone let out a laugh, knowing full well Jeff was joking, that _of course_ he would have talked to Abed first. When had he not? “You’ve really grown up since we were all together last, and I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re so happy for you. And also that we want really nice Christmas gifts.” The group gave another laugh. “And to Abed.” Abed looked up at Jeff to find him staring intensely at him. “You’ve exceeded everybody’s expectations, and gotten to a place we all wish we could be at. You have truly outdone yourself, and made us all so _immensely_ proud of you in the process.” Abed refused to swallow the lump in his throat this time. “You made it, buddy.” Jeff raised up his glass, and a small chorus of “cheers” rang out. Abed stood up and hugged Jeff tightly, and let a tear fall down.

“Thank you.” He breathed out shakily, before letting go and turning back to the rest of the group. “Thank you guys so much for coming. I hope I can do you all justice with this show. It’s our story, after all.” Shirley and Annie gave a sweet “aw” at him wiping his eyes gently. “All of you are so important to me, and I-“ he had begun to cry a little bit, and chuckled as he felt Troy reach for his hand. “I wouldn’t be here, if it wasn’t for you all. So thank you for getting me here.”

The group came together in one final group hug, before pulling apart and making their way towards the exit. Unfortunately, nobody could stay any longer. Shirley had to go back to Atlanta, Annie was due back at the FBI the following morning, and Jeff and Britta had to go back to Colorado, Jeff to his law firm and adjunct professor work with Greendale, and Britta to school, where she was almost finished with her degree (finally).

Abed and Troy watched as they got into an Uber together, arms around each other as they waved goodbye to their friends.

“I have a surprise for you.” Troy said. Abed looked down at him quickly.

“Since when?”

“Well, it’s kind of been a process the last couple months. But it’s finally ready, so I thought, if it was okay with you, I’d show you tonight.”

Abed raised his eyebrows, but nodded and let Troy lead him to their car, which was left without a driver since the night was over. Not that they needed one, since they were both completely sober. Troy slapped Abed’s hand away as he reached for the door handle, and opened the passenger side for him. Abed rolled his eyes, but returned Troy’s kiss as he sat down. He felt at his pocket as Troy closed the door and made his way around the car. _Still there_.

“Music?” Troy asked as he buckled himself into the driver’s seat and started the car.

“Yours?” Abed asked, and smiled as Troy plugged his phone into the aux and played his demo album. The smooth tones of one of Abed’s favorites came on, and sang along with Troy quietly.

“Baby, yeah, you know what I want, let me do it to ya, do it to ya, let me do ya like…” They both laughed as the song went on, clearly content in the moment.

Abed started looking around, realizing they were going up in the hills. “Where are we-“

“Almost there. Be patient.” He teased, putting a hand on Abed’s knee. Abed chuckled and leaned back in the seat, eyes closed, letting his boyfriends voice wash over him. Another twenty minutes or so passed before he felt the car stop, and before he could open his eyes, he felt Troy’s hand cover them. “Eyes closed, no peeking. I’ll come help you out of the car, okay?” Abed nodded, and laughed when he felt a quick kiss on his cheek. In no time, Troy was pulling him gently out of the car, and positioned him. “Okay, open!”

Abed’s mouth dropped. It was one of the most beautiful houses he’d ever seen. “Troy-“ he started, but was cut off.

“I know that this seems kind of out of the blue, but all those days I said I was doing AC repair, I was actually here, remodeling this house.” Abed was speechless. He just moved his mouth, unable to make words come out. “Here, I’ll show you the inside.”

Abed’s eyes somehow got wider as he walked in the front door. He let Troy lead him through the house, and gawked at just how _perfect_ the house was. Exposed beams throughout, clean walls, simplistic and modern but each room felt like it was _their_ place. He couldn’t believe Troy had put this much effort into the house, and eventually let himself cry silently. The pair went downstairs and peeked into the other bedrooms, completely furnished like the rest of the house, before Troy led him onto the back patio, where a fire was already going in the fire pit. He sat next to Troy on the couch out back, overlooking the city below them.

“So? What do you think?” Troy asked sheepishly. Abed looked at him, eyes wet. He leaned in and kissed him deeply.

“I…I love it. I’m so lucky.” Abed whispered, looking around them at the hanging lightings draped from the balcony of their bedroom.

“I figured, after eight months in that apartment, we deserved something a little bit more…grown-up. More us.” Troy said. “It’s ours. I bought it a while ago, when you first started working on your show. But I wanted to do something for you, because you’ve done everything for me since I got back.”

“It’s beautiful, Troy. It’s perfect.” Abed smiled, kissing him again.

“I’m glad you like it.” Troy smiled, resting his forehead on Abed’s. The two stayed like that for a moment until Abed stood.

“Unfortunately, I can’t let you outdo me tonight.” He moved to be in front of Troy and took his hands in one of his own. “Troy Barnes,” he started, taking a deep breath. “You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, and I am incredibly fortunate to have known you. And I am not the best with emotional speeches and rousing discussion, but I’m going to do my best to pull off a Winger speech.” Abed reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small notecard, riddled with his shaky handwriting. “My life was an endless loop of silence and obscure film and TV movie references before I met you. Everything was dull and dark, and I couldn’t find my purpose in the world. I was afraid to get close to anyone, because everyone leaves. But then I met you, and you brought out the real me, and I got to see the real you over time, and I wasn’t scared anymore. You are kind, and talented, and emotional in a way I could never truly understand but admire deeply. You are full of love and compassion and understanding, and you extended all of that to someone who was noticeably very _different_. But you never treated me as different. You treated me as Abed, and until then, I had never known what that felt like. You make me feel like myself, and for so long I couldn’t. But with you I do.” Abed paused to wipe his eyes, and chuckled as Troy did the same. “With all of that being said, no matter how much it scares me, I never want to go without that feeling. So, Troy Barnes,” Abed reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver ring, with a sliver of gold running up the center. “Will you please let me spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the way I feel?”

Troy started laughing through his tears, which in turn caused him to develop hiccups, and out of all the reactions Abed had prepared for and ran simulations for, laughing-crying-hiccups was not one of them. Soon, Troy also knelt to the ground and pulled a ring out of his pocket, exactly the opposite of the one Abed had gotten for him - gold with a line of silver in the center. “Only-“ a hiccup. “Only if you let me keep making you feel like you can be yourself around me.” Troy laughed.

Abed let out a single laugh, before crashing his lips into Troy’s, and the two burst into a fit of giggles as they tried to put their rings on one another.

Leave it to them to propose to each other on the same night.

..

The two ended up tangled in each other in their new bed before they knew it, breathing heavily and holding each other close, looking at the trail of clothes that led into the bedroom.

“We really broke in the new place.” Abed said, making Troy burst into laughs.

“Yes, we really did.”

Abed was looking down at Troy on his bare chest, one hand carding gently through his hair, the other clasped with Troy’s hand. He lifted them up to admire their rings.

“Alright. I have to know. When did you buy that ring?” Abed asked, chuckling slightly at the fact they bought completely complementary rings.

“Two months after I got back, around Christmas. The 28th, I think.”

“No way.” Abed said. Troy turned his head around to look up at him, eyebrow raised.

“Why? When did you-“

“December 28th.” Abed chuckled. He genuinely couldn’t believe it. “We must be meant to be. Where did you get it from? Wait let me guess-“

“Peter Norman.” They said in unison. Abed shook his head in disbelief.

“Soulmates.” Troy said, now also looking at the rings.

“I got something engraved in yours.” Abed said.

“So did I.” Troy replied. He turned his head back around to look at Abed again, and then immediately the two worked the rings off their fingers to look at the inscriptions. Abed smiled, because he already knew what his was going to say.

“‘I love you’.” Abed said.

“‘I know’.” Troy finished.

“Star Wars. Iconic reference.” Abed pressed a kiss into the top of Troy’s head as he slid his ring back on.

“But it’s not just that, is it?” Troy asked.

“No. Something about it does feel personal to us.”

The two stared out the window at the twinkling lights of the city below them. Two halves of a whole, in everything they did.

..

The bright light through the windows is what first alerted them that they had slept in a bit. And a bit really meant 1:30 in the afternoon. Abed groaned quietly as he tried to move, but found himself trapped under his adorable (but _drooling_ ) boyfriend on his stomach. He made a slight face at the small pile of drool collecting, and sighed as he gently poked Troy’s face.

Troy turned his face the other way, but sat up quickly as his cheek passed through the drool. “Ew, what the-“

“Ew is correct.” Abed said. “I still love you though. But we need to go get the rest of our things, probably. And eat. It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

“Sorry I drooled on your stomach.” Troy mumbled as he pushed himself off of Abed, and walked to the bathroom. Abed stared as he walked away from the bed, and promptly forced himself out of the comfort of the bed as he heard the shower turn on. He pressed gentle kisses to Troy’s shoulder and neck while they waited for the shower to warm up, and Troy giggled. “We don’t have a ton of time to be messing around, Abed.” He drew out Abed’s name as Abed sucked lightly on the spot where his jaw met his neck.

“Mm, if you say so.” Abed immediately backed off and walked into the shower, sticking his head directly under the water despite it note being all the way warm yet.

_Abed picked his head up as he heard the bathroom door open. “Troy?”  
“Sorry, Abed, I’m running late to meet my dad and his girlfriend for lunch, I really needed to shower, but I can just-“_

_“Oh, well, you can have it, I guess.” Abed said as he poked his head out around the curtain. He briefly let his eyes look over Troy’s bare torso before looking back up at his face.  
He could see some type of emotion (panic? confusion?) cross Troy’s face before mumbling “Fuck it.” as he stepped into the shower, boxers on.  
“Oh, I meant-“  
“Shampoo?” Troy asked, rubbing at his arms. “Dude how do you shower with it this cold?”  
Abed passed the shampoo to Troy as he shrugged, then reached behind him to turn the handle to something warmer. “Doesn’t bother me, I guess. I can get out…” he said, but Troy stopped him.  
“I don’t care, man. We’ve seen each other in less.” Troy rubbed the shampoo into his hair and handed the bottle back to Abed, who set it back on the rack. He was right, technically. But it wasn’t a choice. Pierce stole all of their clothes and their towels from the gym a while ago, and it was an awkward ten minutes before somebody passed through who offered their single towel. “Soap?” Troy asked. Abed handed him the bottle of body wash after squeezing some into his palm. He began to rub it on his arms and chest before getting distracted by Troy rubbing it on his own body. “Thanks.” He handed the bottle back to Abed, oblivious (thankfully) to Abed’s staring.  
“Sure.” Abed managed to get out. He tilted his head back and began to think of everything he hated in an effort to distract him from the sight in front of him and making the situation even more awkward.  
“Alright, catch ya later.” Troy smiled at him as he exited the shower._

_“See you.” Abed barely got out before Troy closed the bathroom door again. He turned the water all the way cold._

“Still shower with water that’s freezing cold.” Troy grumbled as he stepped into the shower.

“Better for you.” Abed replied simply. “We have no soap.” He noted.

“Right. I guess rinsing off is better than nothing.” Troy said. Abed nodded and got his hair thoroughly wet. He let the curls fall into his eyes, temporarily blocking his sight as Troy reached around him to turn the water off. Then he shook his head aggressively, getting water everywhere. “Abed!” Troy gasped. “You’re not a dog!” He laughed. Abed smiled and flipped his head once more to get the hair out of his face.

“It’s sort of effective.” He shrugged. “Towel?” He pointed past Troy at one of the towels hanging on the rack on the wall behind them. Troy grabbed them each a towel and stepped back out, quickly drying his body off.

The pair put on their clothes from last night since they had nothing else to put on, and made their way outside. “I’ll drive.” Abed said as Troy locked the house up.

“Oh. Okay.” Troy said, handing him the keys, an almost sad look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Abed asked, stopping them in the driveway.

“I just like being your chauffeur and driving you around. I think it’s fun.” Troy shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, you can drive if you really want to.” Abed said, handing the keys back to him. Troy grinned and placed a quick kiss to his cheek as he opened the passenger door for him. Abed sat down and buckled up as Troy closed the door and made his way to the driver’s seat. “Music?”

“Yours. Always.”

..

They came back a few hours later, now with all of their clothes from the apartment, their pictures and decorative things, and free from monthly rent. They had changed into more casual clothes when they first got there, and were now clad in sweatpants and t-shirts. As they began putting their clothes away in the closet, Troy ended up sitting and watching Abed organize his things.

“What happened to your cardigans? And flannels?” He asked.

“Got rid of them.” Abed replied, organizing his sock drawer by color. _“_ I basically threw my entire wardrobe out before I moved out here. And for a while it was fine but then when you came back I wished I hadn’t. But now I have my _new_ new wardrobe that’s all skinny jeans and bomber jackets and ‘accent pieces’, as you call them.” Abed looked over at Troy’s half of the closet. “You don’t have more clothes than that?” Abed pointed at the surprisingly low array of clothes Troy had hung up (with no regard for color or style or article of clothing whatsoever. He had jackets hung up in between shirts and pants like it was nothing).

“Nope. My closet got really small when I was at sea. Only kept a few things. Guess I haven’t really bought much since I’ve been back except for the things I were to your events, like the suits and stuff.”

Abed nodded slightly. “We should do some shopping. Tomorrow.”

“Really?” Troy asked, voice high in surprise. “ _You_ want to go shopping? Like, you’re _actually_ suggesting it?”

Abed turned around and leaned back against the shelf under his clothes, resting on his hands. “Is that so surprising?”

Troy let out a dry laugh. “Sort of. Annie and I had to force you to go buy new shoes when you ripped a hole in them sophomore year. And even then you didn’t talk the whole time, just stared at the floor. I think Annie did all the talking with the lady at the cash register.”

Abed chuckled. “Well, I think I’ve grown up a bit since then, you know? I didn’t even have to do Clone Abed last night, I think I can handle a shopping outing for one day.” He smiled. Troy had picked his knees up into his chest, something Abed recognized as one of his ways to express excitement.

“I’m excited.”

“Me too, love.” Abed turned back around and started working on organizing his shoes. He heard Troy get up from the bed and make his way out of the bedroom. When he didn’t return immediately, Abed took that as an opportunity to at least give some semblance of categorization to Troy’s clothes. He started with just putting same articles of clothing together, jackets on the far left, then pants (folded in half then draped over hangers, of course), then long sleeves, then short sleeves. He was about to start sorting them by color when he heard Troy making a “tsk tsk” sound at the door. Abed turned around slowly, lips pressed together.

“I didn’t think you’d do it as _soon_ as I left the room.” Troy rolled his eyes as he handed him a mug.

“You should have known better, then.” Abed leaned in and gave him a kiss. He took a sip of his Special Drink and sighed contently. “You know, maybe we should tell the group we got engaged.”

“Holy shit, we forgot to tell them.” Troy groaned. “Annie will be pissed we didn’t call last night.” He reached into Abed’s pocket and pulled out his phone, opening up the FaceTime app.

“Why my phone?” Abed grumbled, going to sit on the bed.

“Because you never call. They’ll pick up right away.” Troy plopped himself on Abed’s lap, causing him to give a small “oof”. They sipped their drinks as the phone rang. Like Troy predicted, they answered almost immediately.

“Abed? Troy? What’s wrong?” Annie asked, face full of concern. Britta and Shirley echoed similar concerns, while Jeff just shook his head. Abed snickered, earning a slight elbow in the ribs from Troy.

“Yeah seriously, guys, we only left you like, 18 hours ago.” Jeff rolled his eyes. “What possibly could have happened in that time?”

Troy and Abed each lifted their hands, and, in perfect synchrony, sang out, “Troy and Abed are engaged!” They looked at each other, Abed in satisfaction and Troy in shock, huge smiles plastered to their faces.

After a bunch of overlapping chatter that was starting to hurt Abed’s ears, Troy finally got them to quiet down.

“Guys, guys! Whenever you guys are all free again, we’ll have to celebrate. However long it may take.” Abed nodded, snaking his arms around Troy’s waist and rested his chin on Troy’s shoulder.

“Well, we’ll have to make it happen. Sooner, rather than later, preferably.” Jeff said. “We’re happy for you guys. It took you long enough.” He chuckled, causing the other girls to giggle.

After an extensive smattering of goodbyes and see-you-soons, the call ended and the sun was starting to set.

“Celebratory drinks on the patio?” Abed asked, rubbing circles on Troy’s back.

“Ooh, no-no juice?” Troy asked? Abed smiled and nodded, and pushed Troy off his lap, kneading his legs to put some feeling back into them. Troy pulled him up by his arms and wrapped his arm around Abed’s waist as they sauntered to the kitchen. Troy sat on one of the barstool chairs while Abed looked through the cabinets for wine glasses. Once he found them, he grabbed a bottle of wine from the wine cooler by the fridge, and poured them each a glass.

They made their way onto the patio and started up the fire pit, sitting on the couch facing Los Angeles below them. Troy curled into Abed’s side, sipping his drink.

“Isn’t the view amazing?” Troy whispered.

“It really is.” Abed whispered back.

“The twinkling lights reminded me of you.” Abed looked down at Troy, who continued to stare out over the city that was falling into the sunset. “They sparkle like your eyes.”

Abed gave a small smile. “They only sparkle around you.” He pulled him closer into his side and took a deep breath.

Was he terrified? Yes. Did he think that it wasn’t too late to fuck this up? 100 percent. But would that stop him from giving Troy everything he had? Absolutely not.


	6. just give me your hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here are some potential trigger warnings cus i know this can be upsetting for someone people to read (myself included sometimes)  
> **anxiety/panic attack**  
> **implied ptsd**  
> **callback to previously mentioned self harm**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been way too long but here i am, quarantining (again) so i suddenly have all the time in the world to write for you guys.  
> sorry it took me so long, lately i feel like i'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to write these characters accurately and do them justice i feel like nothing i write is good enough. but at some point you've just got to trust yourself, right?  
> be happy. be safe. be well. so much love to you all <3

**Home - Surfaces  
**

_**And if I said forever, do you think that would be alright?  
'Cause if I say I love you, then I could never love you not.** _

_Troy opened his eyes. He was standing on the deck of the Childish Tycoon, nothing but blue waters around him. He knitted his brows together. Hadn’t he finished his trip already? He shook his head. Must have been a dream.  
“LeVar?” He called. He turned to look at the entrance to their cabins, but nobody answered. Now Troy was really confused. He walked down below deck, and called out LeVar’s name again, but nobody was there. In fact, the second cabin was completely empty. He walked back up top, and looked around for the crew. There was nobody on board but him.  
He looked up at the waves. They were billowing, as if being pushed by huge gusts of wind, but the water was calm and the boat didn’t move.  
“Hello?” He yelled, spinning around. “Anybody? Hello?” The panic was starting to set in when dark clouds, almost black, rolled in suddenly. Rain came battering down, but the water stayed completely still and the boat held position. No waves were produced, but he was getting soaked to the bone. He made his way to the steering, and tried to force the boat to move. When it didn’t give, he checked the anchor. Pulled up and still locked on top, not dropped down. Then the storm cleared and the sun came out again, and Troy shivered. He was drenched, and he felt like crying. Maybe he already was and he just couldn’t tell because rain water was falling from his hair.  
Then, out of nowhere, smaller, faster boats surrounded the Childish Tycoon, and masked bandits were making their way up the side. Troy tried to run, but his feet were stuck to the ground.  
“Help!” He screamed. “Somebody, please, help me!”  
Then it all went black._

“Troy? Troy!” Troy’s eyes shot open and he swung an arm, which Abed barely missed. “Hey, breathe, Troy, it’s okay, breathe.” Troy took heaving breaths in, eyes closed and palms sweating.

“Nightmare.” Troy breathed out. “Just a nightmare.”

“It’s okay. You were kind of jerking around, I just thought it might be better to wake you up.” Abed said, pushing himself up against the back of the bed. Troy did the same, taking a few more deep breaths. When he opened his eyes again he realized he had been clutching the sheets, and he let go of them slowly, feeling how tense the muscles were.

“Sorry for waking you up.” He said sheepishly.

“It’s no problem.” Abed said, looking out the window at the rising sun. After a moment of silence, Abed asked quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Troy reached over for Abed’s hand. “Pirates.” He whispered. “Couldn’t move.”

Troy felt Abed run his thumb over the back of Troy’s hand. “I know you get bad flashbacks. I can’t imagine how scary that was for you.”

Troy sniffled, trying to force back tears. “It’s just- it’s never fun, when they come back. I wish I wouldn’t think about it at all.”

“I know.” Troy let himself be pulled into Abed’s lap, and felt a soft kiss on his neck. “It’ll get better.”

Troy nodded as he pulled Abed’s arms tighter around his waist. “I hope so.”

The pair sat in tense silence, Troy taking deep breaths in and out, Abed gently rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of Troy’s hand. Eventually Troy dozed off again, slumping against Abed’s chest, hands still tightly gripping Abed’s arms.

_Troy stood on the deck of the Childish Tycoon. The sun was setting on the horizon. He felt his heart rate pick up, but he couldn’t figure out why. He looked around him, the ocean completely still, the silence almost deafening. He started the breathe faster, panic setting in but he had no reason to be panicked. The sky was clear, there were no clouds, yet the tension in his chest continued to increase. Then he felt a hand on the small of his back, and when he looked up to his left he saw Abed smiling down at him.  
“Beautiful sunset, right?” Abed placed a kiss to his temple. Troy let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and all that tension went away.  
“Yeah. It is.”_

..

When Troy woke up the second time, he opened his eyes slowly. The sun was blasting through the window now, completely illuminating the room. He could hear Abed’s soft snores in his ear, and he looked down to see one hand holding Troy’s, the other draped across his lap. He looked over to his bedside table to get a glimpse of the time. 11:36. Probably time to get up.

“Abed.” Troy whispered, turning his head slightly the other way. He felt Abed’s grip tighten on his hand. “Abed, wake up.” Abed mumbled something incoherent, wrapping his arm tighter around Troy’s waist and pulling him closer. “What?” Troy laughed quietly.

“I said yesterday that we would go shopping.” Abed grumbled into the back of Troy’s head, placing a gentle kiss.

“Yes, you did.”

“Do you feel better?” Abed asked.

“Yeah. A bit.”

“So you still want to go shopping?”

“If you want to.” Troy responded, turning his head to give Abed a kiss, laughing at his still-closed eyes. “But if you don’t-“

“No, no, it’s okay. You need more clothes.” Abed shifted under Troy, and instead of sitting up to let Abed out, he flipped over so they were stomach to stomach. Abed opened one eye, smirking at Troy. “Are you going to get up?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to look at you.” Troy put a kiss on Abed’s chest, then pushed himself up to get off of him. Abed gripped his biceps and pulled him back in for a deep kiss, earning a satisfied sigh from Troy. When he walked into the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror. He had light bags under his eyes, and his five o’clock shadow was coming in. In physical appearance, he looked nothing like the Troy from Before. It was his eyes that made him feel like no time had passed since the day he left Greendale.

 _Troy placed his hands on the edge of the small sink, closing his eyes to try and slow the rocking of the boat. Just a few weeks at sea and he was starting to deeply regret his decision. He missed Abed, and Greendale, and solid ground under his feet. He looked up into the small mirror, and stared right into his own eyes. He looked_ scared _, like a little kid caught in a bad thunderstorm. His eyes were bloodshot from not being able to sleep without hearing Abed’s soft snoring, and his hair looked tousled from constantly gripping it in his stress. He wanted to go home, he wanted to go back to his friends and Abed, he wanted it to be over. But Abed wouldn’t want that. Abed would want him to keep going. ‘For the character arc,’ he’d say._

Troy turned on the cold water and splashed it onto his face, picking his head up when he felt Abed give his shoulder a squeeze.

“You sure you’re okay?” Abed locked eyes with him through the mirror. Troy looked back at him. He wondered if Abed could see the same scared little kid in his eyes that he saw. He nodded anyways and put on a smile. Abed made a slight face, but went over to his sink and started to brush his teeth. Troy looked into the mirror one more time, then picked up his toothbrush and toothpaste.

..

“Where do you want to go?” Troy asked, opening the passenger door for Abed. He leaned into the kiss Abed placed gently on his cheek and looked down at him from outside the car.

“Wherever you want to go, it is _your_ clothes that we’re going to buy.” Abed said, clicking his seat belt into the buckle. Troy nodded and gently closed the door, then got into the driver’s seat. He plugged his iPod into the aux and passed it to Abed as he buckled himself in, then headed down the hill towards the city.

“Well, I figured since you get all your clothes for work, you’d know some good places to go.” Troy said, briefly interrupting Abed’s humming.

“The clothes I get are kind of expensive, even with the discount.” Abed said thoughtfully.

“Abed. We’re rich.” Troy laughed.

Abed chuckled. “I guess that is technically true. If you _really_ want to get fancy clothes, I suggest you head towards Rodeo.”

“Yes sir.” Troy said, and he caught Abed pause and make a face out of the corner of his eye. Then he saw him shake his head and go back to humming and looking out the window. He chuckled softly.

A few more minutes in traffic and Troy was turning into a parking garage and handing the valet his keys. He walked around to open Abed’s car door, and suddenly felt very self conscious. Abed was wearing grey slacks (tailored _incredibly_ well if Troy said so himself), a white button up, and a grey patterned vest. Troy was just wearing khakis and a pullover on top of a plain t-shirt, with the same ratty tennis shoes he’s worn since senior year of high school. He looked childish.

As he turned to walk up the stairs to the outside world, he felt a hand on the small of his back, and felt Abed’s breath by his ear.

“This will be fun.” Troy turned to look over at his fiancé, eyebrows raised at the out of character that statement was for him (Abed was not one to go shopping on his own volition, nor was he someone who actively _enjoyed_ shopping when he was forced to), but noticed a certain…look in Abed’s eyes.

“Yeah, it will be.” He gave a cheeky smile as they walked to the upper level. Troy squinted as the bright sun covered his face. He tucked his hands in his pockets in an attempt to stop them from fidgeting.

He turned to look back at Abed, and gave him a big smile. He saw Abed give the edge of a smile, but just as quick as it was there it was gone again, and Troy turned back around. He looked into the windows of the shops, thoroughly lost and overwhelmed by all of the stores around him, and as he turned to look at Abed for some sense of direction, he felt a tight grip on his waist.

“Let’s go in here.” Abed said into his ear, steering him into the nearest designer store. He moved his hand slowly up Troy’s back, sending shivers down his spine, and pushed him down onto a seat by his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” Troy started to bounce his leg, then pulled his hands out of his pockets and set them on his knees, pushing them into the ground. Abed had turned around and walked towards the counter. Troy couldn’t hear the conversation they were having, but he saw Abed turn around and look at him a couple of times. He disappeared behind a big curtain with someone from the counter, and Troy looked around.

The store was spotless, he didn’t think he’d ever been in a room so clean. There were very few clothes actually displayed around, mostly just people walking around and quietly going “ooh” at the clothes, and big security guards by the doors and display cases. Troy was getting antsy, wondering where Abed had gone, and he lifted his fingers to start tapping them, but placed them back down. He wanted to move. He wanted to stand up and walk around, he didn’t particularly enjoy being in strange places by himself, but _Abed will back any second now, he has to be_. Soon enough, Abed came back from wherever he had gone, stood in front of Troy, and gently gripped his shoulder. “Let’s go.” He guided Troy to the back of the store and into a small room. A man stood waiting in the middle, clothes upon clothes draped over his arms.

“Hello Mr. Barnes. My name is Jared. It’s my understanding you need to be fitted for some clothes?” Troy glanced over at Abed, who just looked at him.

“Yes, yes I do.” Troy answered, breaking eye contact with Abed to look back at the gentleman in front of him.

“Perfect. Your fiancé had most of the input here, but essentially we’ll just be tailoring, making sure it all fits.” Troy nodded.

“Where do I need to go to change?” Troy asked, looking around for a changing room.

“This is the changing room, sir. I’ll just leave these ensembles here for you, and when you’re dressed I’ll come back in and tailor.” The man started hanging up the outfits on individual hooks, and popped out of the room for only a second to grab shoes. “If you need anything, just let me know by pushing this button here.” He pointed at a small circle by where they had entered. Then he was gone.

Troy started to reach for an outfit, but was stopped by Abed taking hold his wrist.

“I’ll choose, if you don’t mind.” He said, gently pushing Troy’s hand back. He shrugged and nodded, and Abed sat back down on the small couch he had previously been sitting on, and stared intently at Troy. He felt his cheeks run red, and suddenly he was _very aware_ of how much Abed was looking at him.

Troy stood in the center of the room, rocking back and forth on his heels. He was flustered, for absolutely no reason. It’s not like Abed hadn’t seen him undress a million times. They were _engaged_ , he’d seen him in less than that. He just looked at Abed, mouth parted slightly. He wanted to say something, but couldn’t get the words out. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, but the words were caught up in his throat.

“Troy.” Abed’s voice came, warm like honey. He stood and walked over to Troy. “What’s wrong?” He reached for Troy’s hand, which he had shoved back in his pocket. He took it out and let Abed take it in his own. Troy swallowed hard and tried to make the words come out.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just-“ Troy sighed. “No, I’m fine. I think I just needed a minute.”

“We don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to. We can come back another time.” Abed said, gently sliding his hands to Troy’s hips.

“No, no, I want to. I’m good, I promise.” Troy looked up at Abed and smiled. He got on his tiptoes to press a quick kiss on his lips, then dropped back down. “Go sit, I’ll start getting undressed.” Abed kept looking at him, eyes filled with concern. “Go on.” Troy whispered, reaching for the bottom of his pullover.

Abed let go and walked backwards into the couch, sat down and crossed one foot over the other knee. Troy watched intently as Abed settled back into his seat, and pulled his pullover and shirt off in one motion. He gave a small smile in Abed’s direction as he watched him suck his cheek in and bite his lip. “The second one.” Abed pointed.

Troy unbuckled his belt as he walked over to the outfit Abed was indicating. He shimmied out of his khakis. He heard Abed breathe in deeply but instead of acknowledging him, pulled the suit off the hangers. Blue and red plaid, with a red patterned polo underneath. Troy pulled the pants on, leaving the top undone as he pulled the polo on to tuck it in neatly. He looked over at Abed, who was blatantly staring. Troy quirked an eyebrow up as he latched the top and pulled the jacket on. “How do I look?” He asked, pushing the button.

“It’s very nice.” Abed said, trying to appear casual. Jared walked back in, tailoring equipment in hand. He walked a circle around Troy, who hadn’t taken his eyes off Abed.

“This is a very good fit, Mr. Barnes. Your fiancé has good taste.” Jared noted.

“Yes, he really does.”

“I’ll let you change into the next.” And he was off again.

Troy carefully hung the clothes up again and waited for Abed to pick out another outfit. Each time, Troy looked to Abed for a reaction, but all he got was Abed starting to shift more and more with each outfit. The sheer shirt he had picked out for Troy had almost made him break, but not quite. It was the last outfit that made Abed sit completely forward and make his jaw drop.

It was a silk shirt, and Troy had left every button but the bottom two undone, and a pair of navy blue slacks to match. Troy smirked as he watched Abed adjust his pants while Jared had his back turned.

“Well, Mr. Barnes, that is about all we have for you today. Are you planning on buying all of these ensembles?”

Troy opened his mouth, but was cut off by Abed. “Yes, Jared, thank you. If you don’t mind, we just need a moment. Troy will wear this out, if that’s not a problem.”

“Of course. We can process your payment up front.” Jared turned on his heel and walked out, and as soon as he disappeared behind the curtain, Abed sprang up and walked quickly towards Troy, who had taken a couple of steps back in surprise. Abed backed him a few more steps up against the wall and leaned in, stopping only to ask, “Can I kiss you?” Troy got half of a nod out before Abed kissed him passionately, gripping his hips tightly. Troy let out a tiny squeak, which earned a slight push from Abed. “Shh.” Troy rolled his head back slightly and let Abed nip at his neck.

“Abed.” He breathed out. “We have to pay.” Abed pulled off of him and looked him up and down slowly. Troy’s chest was heaving, and he was darting his eyes all around Abed’s face, trying to find something to focus on. When that was unsuccessful, Abed knitted his brows together and took a step back, and Troy felt like he had a million times more space to breathe.

“Come on.” Abed said, taking Troy’s hand gently and walking up front. “Go wait up front. I’ll be there in a minute.” Abed whispered in Troy’s ear. Troy walked back to the bench he had sat at before, and watched Abed as he paid the teller at the counter. Then he saw Jared hand Abed a large bag, presumably holding the clothes. Abed nodded at him and turned towards Troy. He tilted his head upwards, an indicator for Troy to stand, and put a hand on his back as he led him out of the store. He walked quickly down the steps to the valet, and when the car pulled around, Abed grabbed the keys from the driver and shoved a twenty in his hand. “Thank you.”

“Abed, I can-”

“No, I want to drive, if it’s okay.” Abed said as he opened the driver’s side door, and bent down to get in the car.

Troy rolled his eyes and opened the car door, and huffed as he sat down, looking everywhere but the seat next to him, closing the door behind him. Once Abed closed his door, he felt a hand on his chin, turning him to face Abed.

“Is something wrong?” Abed asked. Troy shook his head slightly, trying to move against the slight grip Abed had on his chin. Abed looked into his eyes, looking for a betrayal of the poker face Troy has holding.

“No. Nothing’s wrong.” _Lie. Something was, he just didn't know what._

Abed gently rubbed his thumb across Troy’s cheek, and reached down to his leg and gently squeezed his knee.

Once they were parked in the driveway, Troy unbuckled himself and reached into the backseat to grab the bag. He watched as Abed got out of the car and closed the door behind him, and he took a breath as he pushed open his own car door and stood. He felt completely drained.

They walked inside in silence, and Troy stood in the doorway as he shut the front door behind them, still holding the bag.

“Do you want to put the bag down?” Abed asked plainly, leaning against the wall. Troy leaned over slightly and set the bag down on the floor beside him. He was struggling to look at Abed at all. When Abed walked towards him and slowly backed him against the door, he felt his heart rate pick up. He pushed back the voice in the back of his head telling him to _go, go, go_ and decided to focus on Abed. “You looked so good in there.” He said, looking down at Troy’s chest. Troy swallowed as Abed lightly fiddled with the buttons on the shirt that were still undone. He started kissing on Troy’s neck, making him lean his head back and let out a breath. Abed was always able to make him crumble in his hands, in a good way. Troy always felt safe in his arms.

“Abed.” He whined, getting antsy. Abed took a hold of Troy’s wrist and pulled him into the bedroom. He sat Troy down on the bed and looked down at him, eyes dark. Troy laid down, arms over his eyes as he waited for Abed to go back to whatever it was he planned on doing. He heard him go to the bedside table on Abed’s side, and as he started to turn his head to look, Abed spoke to him quietly, leaning back over him to kiss him first.

“Eyes closed.” Troy obliged and kept his arms over his eyes. He heard the drawer close, and he felt Abed drag a finger across his chest. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, awe dripping off his voice. Troy gave a small smile, wiggling slightly on the bed. The nerves were a fluke, residual anxiety from this morning. His breaths were picking up because he was _excited_ and he loved it when Abed talked to him like _that._ Then he felt something cold and _metal_ on his wrist and he sat up abruptly.

Abed stood up just as quickly, confused by Troy’s reaction. Troy couldn’t take his eyes off the pair of _handcuffs_ Abed was holding.

 _Two men grabbed Troy’s arms and pinned him against the wall, locking his wrists into cuffs behind his back and threw a bag over his head. The world went black around him.  
Troy woke up with his hands cuffed to a metal bar. He yanked at them, fear setting into his chest, tight and warm and making it hard for him to breathe, and he couldn’t get his hands out. He yelled for LeVar, he yelled for his mom, he yelled for Abed, Abed, Abed. He pulled on the cuffs until they were bruised and cut, and he cried. _ _He wore those cuffs everyday for weeks. He lost track of exactly how many days._

“Troy?” Abed asked, making a move to step towards him, and Troy backed up, moving off the bed and onto his feet. Abed knitted his eyebrows together, sadness and confusion washed over his face.

“I-I don’t- I can’t-” Troy started breathing heavily, and he closed his eyes as he felt that tight ball start to well up in his chest.

“Okay, okay, we can stop. It’s done, okay?” Abed put the handcuffs down on the bed and as he started to move towards Troy again, Troy snapped his eyes open and stepped back again.

“Abed-” Troy walked backwards into the wall on the other side of the room, and sank down to the floor. He was breathing faster now, and he closed his eyes again. All he could hear was blood pounding in his ears, and he covered them tightly, trying to make it quiet. He wanted Abed near him but he didn’t think he could handle it right now. He needed Abed, and yet he couldn’t let Abed get close to him. He stuck in purgatory. “Abed.” He whimpered.

“Troy?” Abed asked quietly. It rang through the blood rushing in his ears, and the world got quiet. It was moment of relief. “Five things you can see.”He said gently. Troy shook his head, eyes still squeezed shut. “Troy.” Troy slowly opened his eyes, hands still clamped over his ears. “Good. Five things you can see.” Abed said from his seated position on the floor by the bed.

“The bed. The bedroom door. Your clothes in the closet. My alarm clock. You.” Troy said weakly.

“Four things you can touch.” Abed said.

Troy slowly took his hands off his ears and placed them on the ground. “The floor. My shirt. My pants.” He needed one more. He reached his hand out towards Abed. Slowly, Abed slid within his reach and put his hand gently in Troy’s palm, letting Troy gently wrap his fingers around his own. “You.”

“Really good, Troy. Three things you can hear.”

“The birds outside. The clock on the wall in the hallway. You breathing.”

“Almost there. Two things you can smell.”

Troy took a deep breath in. “Your cologne. And my deodorant.”

“One thing you can taste.”

Troy licked his lips. “My mint chapstick.”

“Good, Troy. Good job.” Abed looked at him sadly. “Are you okay?”

Troy swallowed. “It was the handcuffs.” He said quietly.

This wasn’t the first time Abed had to ground him from a panic attack. He just hadn’t ever been triggered while he was awake before. It was always after the nightmares. He just wasn’t expecting Abed to have _those_.

Abed’s eyes got wide as the realization dawned on him. “Troy, I didn’t know.”

“I know.” Troy mumbled, sticking his head between his propped knees. He squeezed Abed’s hand tightly.

_Troy sat Abed down on the couch in the apartment. “I’m ready to talk about it.” He said, taking a breath in.  
Abed turned to face him. “Are you sure?” Troy nodded.  
He walked Abed through how they came onto the boat, and how he heard everyone above deck yelling, and how he hid all of the gifts he’d gotten for Abed and the camera he was using in a secret hole in the wall under the bed he’d found on accident when he was moving things around. He explained how they had manhandled him and forced him off the boat, and how for weeks he was simultaneously put to work and also locked below deck, how he didn’t get much food or water, and barely saw LeVar.  
He hadn’t mentioned the handcuffs, or the sack they put over his head every time they moved him, or when they shoved him when he couldn’t defend himself and laughed when he fell to the ground. He hadn’t mentioned that he slept sitting up because they handcuffed him to a metal bar, or that his shoulders still hurt now sometimes if he has to hold his arms up for too long or if holds heavy things for too long. He had just said enough to make Abed aware of what was happening, so that he had some idea of why Troy woke up in the middle of the night sometimes out of breath and afraid._

“I’m sorry. I really am.” Abed said.

“S’not your fault.” Troy said. They sat quietly on the floor a while longer before Troy spoke again. “How long have you had those?”

“A while.” He replied, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “Before you got back. I just didn’t ever really think about using them with you. I took it too far.”

“No, no.” Troy lifted his head again to see Abed’s wet eyes. “I should have said something. It was just, after this morning, that was the last thing I was expecting. I’ve just…had a day.” He gave a sad chuckle. Abed nodded, staring at the floor. “Don’t feel bad about this, Abed.”

Abed just sat in silence, unable to meet Troy’s eyes.

“Abed.” Troy squeezed his hand. “Abed.” He shook his arm, trying to get him to break eye contact with the hardwood floor. “Hey,” he said, voice small. “It’s okay. I’m okay.” Abed glanced up quickly at him, quiet tears making lines on his face. Troy pulled himself into Abed and snuggled into his side, putting Abed’s arm around his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.” Troy said, resting against Abed’s chest. He closed his eyes tightly as he remembered the last time they had a conversation like this.

_“Shh. It’s okay, I promise it’s okay, I’m okay.” Abed repeated over and over again in his ear, now the one holding Troy and stroking his hair instead of the other way around. “You didn’t do this, it’s not your fault.”  
Troy couldn’t get the image of Abed’s hips out of his head. He had no idea. He didn’t believe him. He was going to live with those forever.  
Everybody had baggage. Sometimes it was invisible, and sometimes it was something you saw every time you looked into the mirror. Doesn’t make it any less of a weight on your shoulders._

“We’ve all got stuff we have to live with. At least we’ve got each other to get through it.” He felt Abed place a long kiss into the top of his head.

..

Troy groaned as he rolled over, back on the floor. The pair of them had fallen asleep on the floor, and they were too old for that now. Troy tried to stretch his tight back, but failed.

“Abed.” He whispered.

Abed sat up immediately, groaning in a similar way as he reached for his back. “Are you okay?” He grumbled, twisting his back.

“Yeah. I’m better.” Troy pushed himself up into a seated position, then held both of his hands out to pull Abed up. “It’s been a long day though.”

“It’s been a really long day.” Abed sighed, running his hands over his face.

“I thought maybe we could take a bath? In that tub downstairs with the big window?” Troy asked, looking out at the setting sun.

“Sure. That sounds nice.” Abed said. He gave a small “oof” as he pushed himself into a standing position, and helped Troy to his feet. Troy waited in the bedroom doorway while Abed grabbed two towels, and the pair made their way downstairs.

Troy remembered redoing this entire room when he was renovating the house. He put a big soaker tub right underneath a giant window, so that you could see out and look at the sunset. He turned the water on and ran a hand under it until it felt warm enough, and plugged the bottom of it so it could fill. Once it had risen enough, Abed dropped in a small bath bomb that fizzled out while they got undressed. They were both in their underwear when they stopped. Troy was staring at Abed’s hips, tears welling in his eyes. He could feel Abed’s eyes boring into his head.

And then his arms were around Abed’s waist, and he was squeezing him so tight he thought Abed couldn’t breathe, and Abed was holding onto him and putting gentle kisses on the top of his head.

“We can do this, you know.” Abed’s voice came out scratchy. “We’re going to be okay.”

“I know.” Troy croaked out. They pulled apart and finished getting undressed, and when Abed got in and leaned against the back of the tub, Troy put himself between Abed’s legs and leaned back onto his chest. He felt Abed take hold of one of his hands and interlock their fingers under the water, and the other wrapped around Troy’s neck softly. Troy reached up and took hold of his arm, and sighed.

“I have an interview and photo shoot tomorrow. Did you want to come with me?” Abed asked quietly.

“I’d love to.” Troy responded, placing a kiss on his arm.

“And then we can get you some real clothes.” Abed said, pushing his head into Troy’s hair. Troy let out a light laugh.

“Yeah, okay.” Troy pulled his and Abed’s hands out from under the water and looked at their rings. “I love you.”

“I know.”

..

Troy stared at the ceiling. He was lying flat on his back and he was taking deep breaths. He looked over at Abed, the moonlight reflecting off of him making him look like a dream, his hair tousled and draped over his forehead. He slowly slipped out of bed and tiptoed out of the bedroom to the downstairs. He slipped into his makeshift recording room, and closed the door quietly behind him. He walked over to the electric guitar that was leaned against the wall, sitting in between the first guitar he bought, and the brand new acoustic guitar Abed had gotten him for Christmas. He picked it up gingerly and walked over to his laptop and pulled up his recording program. Once he got it set up, he plugged the guitar into the audio cables, and put his headphones on. He stood in his tiny booth, which was really just the corner of the room that was padded and had a standing mic. He recorded the base beat, and repeated the process for the bass, piano, and MIDI sounds he needed, then he mixed it all together the way he wanted.

He had gotten a lot better at recording his own music since Abed had encouraged him to start making a demo record in case he every wanted to pursue it.

_“I think you should.” Abed replied plainly, mixing his buttered noodles up out of the microwave. Troy was sat on the counter, swinging his feet back and forth._   
_“You think?” He asked._   
_“I think lots of people would like your singing. I know I love it.” Abed said, leaning on the counter opposite of Troy. “But it’s up to you, obviously. If you ever wanted to pursue it professionally. Even if you didn’t, I think you’d enjoy recording it. I know it can be a nice output for some people.” He took a bite of his noodles, and promptly start breathing quickly in an attempt to cool the obviously-still-hot food. Troy laughed and leaned his head back against the cupboards._

He stood back in the corner behind the mic, and pressed start on the audio and recording. He bopped his head along to the music, and closed his eyes to focus on the sounds in the headphones. He took in a quiet breath before he started singing.

“Cause you are my love. Do you ever dream of, candy coated rain drops? You’re the same, my candy rain.” Troy opened his eyes as the audio faded out in his headphones, and placed them around the mic gingerly.

When Troy finished the recording, he went back to mixing it, getting it just perfect, and moved it to his audio files, putting it along with the other covers he’d done.

He had redone most of the songs he had filmed in his movie for Abed, adding more instruments and recording back vocals, making them sound a bit more professional than the grainy audio and guitar that could barely be heard over the white noise.

“I like that one.” Troy jumped at the sound of Abed’s voice, putting a hand to his chest as he looked at him. “Sorry.” Abed said, walking in the room to stand behind Troy’s chair, draping his arms around his neck.

“Thank you.” Troy reached up and gripped one of Abed’s hands briefly, letting it go to go back to mixing the audio. “What are you doing up?”

“Rolled over and noticed you weren’t there. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” Abed said, bringing his hands up to Troy’s shoulders and rubbing them gently.

“Yeah. Just had this song stuck in my head, thought about changing it up a little bit and recording it. Thought it might help me relax a little bit.” Troy said, clicking save on the audio file. He leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes.

“Did it?”

“Yeah, a lot actually. It’s been a little bit since I recorded anything down here.”

“I had noticed. I didn’t want to say anything though, in case you didn’t want to do it anymore.” Abed said, spinning Troy’s chair around to face him. He squeezed his eyes shut as he yawned, and when he opened them sleepily, he put on his Disney face, making Troy melt.

“Do you want me to come back to bed?” Troy laughed. Abed nodded, and Troy stood up smiling as he draped an arm around Abed’s waist. “Let’s go, big baby.” He got on his tiptoes to press a quick peck on Abed’s cheek, and let Abed take his hand and lead him back to bed.

Once back in their bed, Troy found himself being pulled into Abed’s chest, one arm draped lazily over his hip, the other stretched out under his pillow. He scooted back a touch so he was fully pressed up against Abed, and sighed contentedly when he felt Abed squeeze him tighter.

He slept like a baby until morning.


	7. it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day, or phone in a day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***  
> mentions/displays of abuse  
> ***  
> if this makes you uncomfortable, please read with caution. while it is mentioned briefly a couple of times, it is central to this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!  
> this chapter is a good bit shorter, but that's also cus it's a bit more painful, and i wanted to tend this chapter with a specific tone. you'll see why when the next chapter goes up.  
> i hope you guys are doing well in these times.  
> be happy, be safe, be well. much love to you all <3

**Godspeed - Frank Ocean**

_**There will be mountains you won't move  
Still I'll always be there for you** _

Abed groaned loudly as his alarm went off. He rolled over to turn it off and flopped back over onto his stomach, arm outstretched where he expected to make contact with Troy, but instead found nothing but blankets. He picked his head up in confusion, and looked around the bedroom. It was empty and quiet and cold, like no one had been there at all. He rolled back over and pushed himself up so his feet hung off the edge of the bed and put his slippers on. He slid quietly out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where it was just as empty and quiet and cold, and he stopped in the middle of the room. The house itself was spotless, no reason for any concern, but it was almost…sterile was the only word that came to Abed’s mind. He strained his ears to see if he could hear Troy in the lower level, but no music or singing came.

Abed looked outside, the day bright and clear, the trees still and the ocean off in the distance blue as ever. He went into the kitchen and made himself a cup of Special Drink, and chose to sit out on the balcony. He liked that he could just sit and stare and retreat into his head, and to everybody else it just looked like he was admiring the view. Sometimes that’s what he was doing, but most of the time he was thinking. Today, he was thinking about how it’s been six months since the premiere, six months since he and Troy got engaged, and fourteen months since Troy got back from his trip. How two weeks ago it had been Troy’s birthday, and how Troy loved the tickets he had gotten framed of the first movie they saw in theaters together, all the way back in their freshman year of college, so much that he cried. How in one week it would be Christmas, and how there weren’t really any decorations up except for a couple of gifts wrapped up by the fire place, and Abed’s biggest gift to him couldn’t be wrapped. Abed didn’t hear the front door open or the quiet shuffling of feet walk in the house, because he was too busy thinking about how he was going to gift said-present, without making it obvious in the days leading up to Christmas.

He was pulled gently out of his head by a pair of arms wrapping around his neck and a soft kiss being placed on his cheek, and he smiled.

“Hi, Troy.”

“Hi, Abed.” Troy sighed. Abed cocked his head and turned to look up at his fiancé.

“Was that a content sigh or a disdained sigh?” Abed asked.

“Slightly disdained, I guess. I'm not sure what that means. It isn’t the most happy sigh, I guess.” Troy responded. “I just found out that my dad is here.”

Abed froze. “Oh.” He rose up to wrap Troy in his arms gently. “And, how are we feeling about that?”

“Not great.” Troy mumbled into his chest. “He doesn’t know.” He whispered.

Abed pursed his lips. He knew that Troy’s dad wasn’t the most accepting person, and that he hadn’t really talked to him aside from letting him know he was done with his trip and was going to be living in California with Abed. He remembered one phone call he had overheard when Troy first got back.

_“You don’t get to say that, not about him.” Troy yelled. Abed stood silently outside the bedroom door. The small apartment felt even smaller, walls closing in around them. Troy hadn’t heard him come back from work, and this was obviously a heavily emotional conversation. “Who_ cares _what it looks like, Dad? Who gives a fuck? This is what I want. And this is where I’m staying.” Another pause. “No. I’m not going back to Colorado.” He heard Troy sniff loudly, something Abed recognized as him trying to fight back tears. “If you don’t like it, we don’t have to talk. You haven’t reached out to me since Mom died. I only called to tell you I was back so you didn’t think I was dead at sea.” Abed dropped his head. He knew how hard that must have been for Troy to say. “No, you know what? Fuck you. I’m almost 25. You don’t get to control me anymore.” A moment of silence before he heard Troy’s phone hit the wall. Then loud sobs and the repeated sounds of punches hitting the bed allowed Abed a point of entry, and he spent the next couple of hours holding Troy tightly in his arms. He didn’t say anything about the shattered phone on the floor, just silently extracted the SIM card from it and woke up early the next morning to get Troy a new one before he woke up. He didn’t have to say thank you, Abed would do anything for him._

“You don’t have to see him, you know. Him being here doesn’t justify you going out of your way to see him or try and make amends.” Abed brought one hand up to the back of Troy’s head. He felt Troy grip his shirt a little tighter.

“I want him to know I’m his greatest fuck-up.” Troy laughed wetly. “I’m not ashamed to be engaged to you. I want him to see that I’m happy without him in my life.”

“Anything you want. I’m going to be there no matter what. And you’re _not_ a fuck-up. You’re perfect as you are.” Abed said, putting a kiss on top of Troy’s head.

“I think we should have dinner with him.” Troy said.

“Okay.”

“Tonight.”

“Whatever you want.”

Troy pulled back and wiped gently at his eyes. “I’m going to go answer his voicemail. Are you sure you’re okay with sitting with him? I know after-”

_Abed knelt by the front door, feigning lacing his shoes back up so he didn’t look like he was obviously eavesdropping on the conversation happening in the other room. The pair had just finished a rather uncomfortable dinner at Mr. Barnes’s house.  
“Troy, the amount of time you spend with that boy. The people at the church-" Troy’s father started.  
“Dad. He’s my best friend.”  
“Are you certain he’s not _more _than that?” Troy’s dad said fiercely.  
A pregnant pause. “We’re friends. Best friends.” Troy looked out into the living room from the kitchen where they were having their conversation. Abed looked down at his shoes quickly, and moved his fingers around. He knew that Troy knew he was listening. He ignored the pang in his chest.  
“Troy. You listen to me now-" Troy quickly stormed out of the kitchen and accompanied Abed by the front door, trying to slide his shoes on quickly without untying the laces.  
“Anything you want to say to _me _, you can say in front of him.”  
Mr. Barnes stared intently at Abed, who stared back, neither backing down. “I think he is a bad influence on your life. And I think that he is tempting you in unsavory ways. Your choice of being friends with him in the way that you are is a disgrace to this family, to our beliefs and the church, and to me.”  
Abed swallowed thickly, but didn’t look away. Troy rose slowly.  
“Go to the car, Abed.” Troy growled. Abed shook his head slightly, and turned to look at Troy, who’s face was blank, jaw set. “I’ll be out in a minute. Just go.”  
Abed looked at Troy’s father once more, hoping he could get his anger and disdain for the man across in his eyes, and walked out the front door. He stood at the base of the front porch, listening so intently he had drowned out the sound of the neighbor kids playing in their backyard.   
Troy acted differently around his dad. Like the Troy he met the first day of Greendale. Like he was overcompensating. Or maybe acting overly masculine. Maybe a bit of both.  
He heard some muted thuds, a bit of yelling, but what caused him to jump was the sound of a loud bang and the yelp that quickly emitted after. Abed took the steps two at a time before practically smacking into Troy, who had come rushing out of the house, head down and hands shoved into his pockets.  
Abed didn’t say anything about the bruising on Troy’s knuckles later that night, or the cut under his eye that had left some discoloration for the following few days. Troy didn't bring it up, either._

Abed cut him off. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Troy nodded curtly, and walked back inside. Abed heard him close the door to their bedroom, and looked back out over the city below him. Somewhere down there was Troy’s dad, and no matter how much Troy said he didn’t need him, Abed _knew_ Troy wished it was different. It had been hard for him to adjust to life without his mom, and soon after they were engaged, Abed walked in on Troy crying, because he wanted to call his mom.

She had passed while Troy was at sea. He got the call from his dad when he was at the port, that the chemo hadn’t worked. The cancer came back and it was too much this time. The video clip Troy had made for that in his movie to Abed actually brought him to tears. Abed didn’t know what it was like to lose a parent like that. His mom had left, but at least she was _there_. That night of the phone call came rushing back to him.

_“She really liked you.” Troy had said to him that night. “She said I was my best around you.” Abed looked at him in the moonlight. “She was right, you know. I am at my best with you. You make me want to be better, every day.” Abed smiled sadly at him.  
“She’d be so proud of you, Troy.”  
Troy sniffed and kept looking at the ceiling. “I think she knew I was in love with you before I did. She knew me better than I know myself.”_

Abed sat back down in his seat and stared out. He went back into his head, trying to block out the possibilities of what could happen tonight. He subconsciously clenched a fist.

..

Abed finished setting the table while Troy finished cooking dinner. He looked up at the clock. Forty minutes until Mr. Barnes was _supposed_ to arrive, but Troy said his dad was always early to everything, so it was probably more like fifteen minutes. Twenty at the most.

Normally Abed didn’t go outside of his food palette, but there was something about Troy’s sausage carbonara that drew him in and had him eating multiple helpings. He had learned how to make it all from scratch while he was in Italy, and Abed usually sat and watched him as he mixed the ingredients for the dough by hand, kneading it out and shaping it. It was a simple dish, really, but whenever Troy made it, Abed couldn’t get enough.

Troy placed the covered dish in the middle of the table, and placed glasses of cold water at each seat. He looked at the clock quickly before untying his apron and hanging it back up on it’s designated hook. Abed’s mouth watered slightly at the smell of it. “I’m just going to-" he fell off before walking out of the room.

Abed could tell he was scatterbrained, had been all day, and probably feeling a complicated mixture of emotions. He walked over to the mirror outside of their bedroom, and tried to figure out how to tie the bow tie he had laid out to go with his white button up and navy pants.

“Here.” He heard Troy whisper, who had exited the bathroom. Abed turned towards him and let him tie it gently. Troy was wearing his khaki slacks with a red plaid button up, and a plain navy tie. “I like this one. The patterns are nice.”

“I like it, too.” Abed responded, admiring Troy while he worked. Once he had straightened it out and patted Abed’s chest, he turned back to the mirror. Troy stood next to him, leaning his head on Abed’s arm. “Anytime you want the night to end, you just say the word, okay?” Abed made eye contact with him through the mirror. Troy nodded, and both boys turned their head to the front door as the doorbell rang out.

“I love you.” Troy said firmly.

“I know.” Abed said, giving him a quick kiss before walking to the front door to let their guest in. He took a deep breath with his hand on the door knob, then turned it and swung it open, a fake but polite smile on his face. “Mr. Barnes. Nice to see you again.”

Troy’s dad looked him up and down, and grunted in response. He walked inside, and Abed dropped the smile once he was behind him as he closed the front door back.

“Dad.” Troy said simply.

“Son. It’s good to see you, you’ve grown since you last came to visit me.” Abed watched as Troy sucked his cheeks in, and gave a curt nod. He took a step back as his dad tried to hug him, and instead asked him if he wanted to sit down in the living room. Abed walked over to stand near Troy, and ignored the look of pure disgust on Mr. Barnes’s face. “Might as well. I’ve had a long day, what with the flight and getting to the hotel and all, not that you’ve had the notion to _ask_.” He snarled the last word.

Abed sat on the couch, across from the chair Mr. Barnes had chosen to sat in, and felt a dip as Troy sat next to him.

“Well, if you’d given me a moment to sit down and get comfortable, I would have been able to, but you usually just like to run the conversation yourself.” Troy retorted.

Abed hadn’t been involved in such palpable tension since the _last_ time the three of them had had dinner together. The person Troy was around his dad, especially in their later years at Greendale, was confident, and mature, and strong-willed. He knew Troy would never betray what he was really feeling until after his father had left, no matter how much he hurt him. It was _years_ of growing up in a household where the men were tough and brute and _manly_ that conditioned Troy into this, and Abed didn’t blame him for reverting back to it whenever he was around his father. It was something the Abed was never going to be able to understand, because, while not necessarily better, his dad had just…ignored him, for most of his life. Let him do his own thing as long as he came to work each day. He didn't have to repress who he was, because his dad didn't care. Troy's dad cared. A _lot_.

“I think maybe you should check your tone when speaking with me, boy.”

“I think you should reevaluate your position here. You're here as a guest in our house.” Troy said back immediately, leaning slightly forward to rest his forearms on his knees. Abed looked over at Troy, trying to run a mental checklist of visible signs of distress, but Troy was very visibly calm. His voice was even (although stern), there were no signs of perspiration on his forehead, and his legs were completely still.

_Completely still. That’s new._

Troy’s dad took a deep breath in, sitting up impossibly straighter, and crossed one leg over the other.

“So. Dinner?” He asked curtly.

Troy sucked one cheek in and pushed himself up. “Sure. Abed, do you mind getting the salad we tossed earlier out of the fridge?”

Abed nodded, stood up and walked quickly to the kitchen, the only other sounds the scuffling of feet and pulling out of chairs. Abed grabbed the large salad bowl from the kitchen and set it next to the carbonara on the dinner table. Troy stood behind Abed’s chair and pulled his seat out for him, and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, as a thank you.

Troy sat down at the head of the table, opposite of his dad, who was stock-still, mouth agape. Troy unfolded his napkin and placed it in his lap, and asked Abed to pass the salad.

“Stop.” Mr. Barnes said firmly. Troy took the bowl from Abed’s hand and set it on the table next to him.

“Yes?” Troy asked.

“What. Was. That.” He spat. It wasn’t a question.

“I was thanking Abed?” Troy responded almost sarcastically.

“No, male friends…friends do not do _that_.” Mr. Barnes pointed a finger at Abed, who glared back at him.

“I’d suggest you didn’t point at me, I’ve been told that’s rude behavior.” Abed said evenly.

Mr. Barnes stared at him, eyes wide. “Speaking to someone that way is also rude behavior. And you.” He whipped his head back around to Troy. “Answer me.”

“Abed is my fiancé.” Troy responded, bringing his hands up onto the table and folding them together, his ring clearly visible. “We’re engaged.”

“Troy.” Mr. Barnes said as he rose from his seat. “I think I made my position on your relationship with _him_ , incredibly clear the last time we spoke.”

“And I told you, you couldn’t control me anymore.” Troy also rose. Abed stayed seated, looking rapidly between the two. “I’m a grown man, and I _love_ him, and Mom loved him, and we’re going to get married. And you don’t have to be happy about it. Hell, you don’t even have to be _supportive_ of it. But it _is_ happening.” Both men stood for a moment longer, before Troy sat back down and started plating his food. “Now, you can stay, and enjoy the dinner Abed and I made, or you can leave. And, if you choose to leave, I don’t want to hear from you again. I want no part of you in my life, if you walk out. This is your last opportunity to be involved.”

Abed took back the salad bowl from Troy, and put a small salad on his plate despite knowing he wasn’t going to eat it, and put a large helping of carbonara on his plate.

“Troy Barnes, I ought to-” Mr. Barnes started to walk towards Troy, fists clenched, but Abed stood abruptly and put a hand on his chest.

“I wouldn’t take another step.” Abed snarled. He stumbled as he was aggressively shoved backwards.

“You don’t speak to me that way.” The next thing Abed saw was Troy gripping his dad’s collar and forcing him backwards to the wall.

“Troy, Troy!”

“Don’t you _ever_ put your hands on him again!” Troy yelled, shoving him backwards against the wall. Troy’s dad gave a sickening laugh at each shove. “You do _not_ get to touch him, do you fucking understand me?”

It was the slap to Troy’s face that made Abed see red. Abed caught Troy’s arm as he winded back a fist, and pulled him backwards off of his father, and turned around to put his face in the face of Mr. Barnes.

“Get the _fuck_ out of our house, before I do something I’d _really_ enjoy doing to you.” Abed spat. Mr. Barnes poked an aggressive finger into Abed’s chest, to which Abed grabbed and twisted at his wrist, causing a shocked noise to come from him. “ _Leave. Now._ ”

Abed shoved his arm back, grabbed him firmly by the shoulder, and rushed him to the front door before promptly escorting him out of the house. Once he had locked the front door, preventing Mr. Barnes from coming back in despite his aggressive turning of the handle, he turned back to Troy, who hadn’t moved from the spot Abed had pushed him back to. His cheek was aggressively red, and silent tears were streaming down his face.

“Troy?” Abed asked quietly. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Troy forced out. “I don’t want dinner to go to waste, do you want to eat with me?” He looked up at Abed, pleading with his eyes.

“Yeah, of course.” Troy held a hand out to Abed, who gently laced their fingers together as he walked them back to the dinner table. Troy pulled Abed’s chair out for him again, and placed a long kiss on the top of his head. Abed followed him as he sat back down in his seat, clearing his throat.

They both ignored the sound of the handle of the front door wiggling. Eventually it stopped, and they heard a car drive away.

“Do you like it?” Troy asked quietly.

“Of course. You know it’s one of my favorites.” Abed said while trying to swallow a mouthful of food, making Troy chuckle slightly.

“Good. I think there will be enough for leftovers so you can have some tomorrow.”

“Not if I eat it all right now.” Abed said as he heaped another helping on his plate.

“Are you going to eat more salad?” Troy asked. Abed knew he already knew the answer, and handed him the bowl.

They ate in silence the rest of the time, and as they were getting ready for bed, Troy seemed to retreat into himself. Abed looked at him sadly.

..

He was leaning against the tile wall of the shower later on, letting the water fall over his head, when he felt a slight rush of cool air as the shower door opened. He opened his eyes to see Troy turned, bumping the temperature up as he gave a cold shiver, then wrapped his arms around Abed’s wet torso.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. Earlier.” Troy said into his chest.

“You certainly don’t have to apologize to me.” Abed said as he wrapped his arms around Troy, one arm on his back, one on the back of his neck. “It’s him who has to apologize.”

Troy nodded against his chest. “You’re right.” Troy rubbed Abed’s back. “Thank you for throwing him out.” He choked out.

“I told you that I’m _always_ going to be here for you. No matter what.” Abed said as he leaned his head down to rest on top of Troy’s.

“I know.”

“I love you so fucking much, Troy.” Abed sniffled.

“I love you, too.” Troy cried into his chest.

Abed reached behind Troy to shut the water off, and handed Troy a towel to dry off with as he wrapped his own around his waist. The pair walked back out to their bed together, and Troy sat down on the edge, pulling on Abed’s arm to bring him into a kiss.

It was needy, and soft, and a little wet, and the feeling of Troy’s hands lightly moving around on Abed’s waist made him feel conflicting things.

“Troy-” Abed breathed out.

“Make me feel loved.” Troy’s voice broke. The look in his eyes made Abed’s heart break, and he wanted nothing more than to let Troy know that he _was_ loved, by him, by their friends. “Please.”

Abed leaned back in and let Troy pull him on top of him.

It was slow, and sweet, and tender, and Abed made sure Troy was confident by the end that he loved every inch of him, every ounce of his being, every particle that made him up. Like he deserved.

They fell asleep with Troy wrapped in Abed’s arms, and Abed reached carefully for his cell phone on the bedside table. He turned the brightness down carefully, so it didn’t wake up Troy, and opened up his messages.

**_12:13AM_  
You’ll be here tomorrow? **

**_12:16AM_  
To yours by 7:30 in the morning. Leaving soon.**

**_12:16AM_   
** **See you soon.**

Abed set his phone back down quietly on the bedside table, and wrapped Troy tighter in his arms and tried to close his eyes.

He hoped that this helped. He hoped it gave Troy the relief he deserved.


	8. i know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part of the journey is the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not saying i cried on campus writing this but it is greatly possible.  
> i hope you love it. i worked really hard on it.  
> be happy, be safe, be well. thank you for joining me on this journey. so much love to you all <3

**Lost and Found - Mackenzie Bourg**

**_You give me something I can’t live without  
My heart was waiting in the lost and found for your love_ **

****

Abed didn’t sleep. He spent most of the night holding Troy tight in his arms, tracing _i love you_ ’s on his back over and over again, waiting for that text. Time moved like molasses, but Abed didn’t care. He needed time to get his feelings in check anyways.

_“Troy?” Abed asked quietly, closing the apartment door behind him slowly and setting his messenger bag down on the floor. He could hear Troy crying in the bathroom, but he didn’t want to intrude if it was something Troy would rather deal with alone.  
“In here.” He called out miserably. Abed’s heart ached slightly at the sound of his voice, raw from crying. He walked in to see Troy sitting by the toilet, head in his hands and drenched in sweat. Abed sat down gently next to him, careful not to touch him.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Abed asked.  
Troy shook his head. Then he gagged and Abed could tell he was going to lean over the toilet for who knows what time today and before he could think about it he was up and wetting a washcloth to put on the back of Troy’s neck, swallowing his own urge to puke as Troy emptied it all out. When he was finished he collapsed against the floor again and leaned his head back against the wall, tears streaming down his face. After a few minutes of silence and deep breaths, Troy spoke.  
“It’s not real sick.” Troy moaned. “I just-” He dropped his head between his knees and groaned. “Every time I think about her…alone in the hospital…”  
Abed placed a hesitant hand on Troy’s back and rubbed gentle circles. “I know that must be extremely difficult for you.”  
“I don’t know what I’d do if-” Troy choked, and he was back over the toilet. Abed choked back the lump in his throat.  
“She’s going to make it through. She’s a strong woman. I’m with you every step of the way.” _

Abed was not the emotional one in this pairing. He was the one that was supposed to keep the both of them afloat, hold the two of them together so neither of them broke. And here he was, in the quiet darkness of the night, crying quietly to himself.

 _Abed held Troy in a hug as the rest of the group walked out of the study room. Troy had just decided to go on his trip, to leave Greendale, to leave_ him _. Yet here they were, Troy overwhelmed and a little weepy and undoubtedly scared, coming to Abed for comfort in this life-changing decision.  
“You’re going to do so great, Troy. Amazing things.” Abed said into his hair.  
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Troy whimpered into his chest.  
Abed swallowed thickly. If he showed Troy how he was really feeling, he’d never go. And that wasn’t fair.  
“Of course.”_

He heard his phone vibrate quietly, pulling him out of his head. He reached for it carefully, wiping his eyes as he did so, and read the text.

**7:26AM  
Pulling up the driveway now. Is he awake?**

**7:26AM** **No, still sleeping. I’ll be there in a minute.**

He set his phone back down, and gently extracted himself from under Troy, making sure he didn’t move him so much he woke up. He placed a barely-there kiss on Troy’s forehead, and then slid out of bed to get dressed. Once he had pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and one of Troy’s hoodies, he padded out quietly to the front room and up the couple of steps to the front door. He opened it slowly and stepped outside to hug the two of them, making sure the door didn’t slam shut behind him.

“Thank you for coming.” Abed sniffed, letting himself be pulled into a tight hug.

“Of course.” Annie and Jeff said at the same time. When they pulled away from each other, Abed wiped at his eyes again, causing Annie to take his hands gently and look into his eyes.

“Have you slept?” She asked gently. Abed shook his head. “Your eyes look so red.” She said sadly. “I don’t blame you though. That text you sent about what happened with…well, it worried me- _us_.” She quickly corrected as Jeff opened his mouth.

“Yeah, it’s- it’s been a really rough 18 hours.” Abed sighed. “Everyone else is getting here later today?” He asked, trying to change the subject slightly.

“I think Shirley is meeting Britta in Denver for her layover, and then they get here sometime early afternoon. Britta said she’d text us to let us know when they were getting in the Uber to come here.” Jeff said, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“Right. Well, you guys are more than welcome to come in. Troy’s still asleep in our bedroom, but the guest rooms downstairs are all set up if you want to take your bags down there.” He put his hand on the handle before shaking his head and changing his mind. “Actually, do you mind if I take you in the side door? I just don’t want to disturb him.”

“Of course.” Annie said sympathetically. She was fully aware of how fitful Troy’s sleeping could be if he was distressed or upset.

_Troy had finally fallen asleep on the couch, his head on Annie’s lap and feet in Abed’s, after a long day. He had been worried about one exam (odd for him since normally he didn’t overly try in his classes, just the bare minimum effort), and when he found out he did less than anticipated, he had come home all a mess. Annie had watched cartoons with him until Abed came home, and it was only then that Annie said he had really started to calm down.  
“He really didn’t start to relax until you walked in the door.” Annie said, barely above a whisper. She shifted slightly under Troy’s head, causing him to stir and scrunch up his face. Annie winced quietly, mouthing a ‘sorry’ to no one.  
“We’re going to be here a while.” Abed said, sitting still as a statue. “Otherwise he won’t sleep at all.”_

He led the pair down a set of steps to the lower level, and grabbed the hidden key from their hiding spot to unlock the door. Once it was opened and he had put the key back where it belonged, he showed Annie and Jeff to the guest rooms, giving them a mini tour of the downstairs and Troy’s small studio.

“Abed, this place is _incredible_.” Jeff said in awe. He put a hand on Abed’s shoulder and gave a small squeeze. “You guys are really…out here doing it, huh?”

Abed gave a small smile and nodded. He didn’t have to ask Jeff to clarify. _It_ was making a life for themselves. Living out their dreams together.

“Jeff, we should go pick up breakfast.” Annie said gently, sliding an arm around Abed’s waist, who brought an arm up over her shoulders.

“Right, right. Could I get a minute with Abed?” Jeff asked, meeting Abed’s eye.

“Oh! Sure.” Annie got on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Abed’s cheek. “It’s so good to see you, Abed.”

“It’s good to see you too, Annie.” Abed smiled, giving her a small squeeze before letting her go. He turned toward Jeff and took in a deep breath. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of folded up paper and handed it to Jeff.

Jeff unfolded it and read through it carefully, trying not to let a smile betray his face. _Ever the stoic one_ , Abed thought.

“So?” He asked, voice laced with uncertainty.

“I think he’ll cry about ten seconds into it.” Jeff said, finally smiling. “No, no, it’s beautiful, Abed. Really, I didn’t think your robot heart had it in you.” He folded it back gently and put it back in Abed’s hand, who slid it back into his pocket.

“You really think he’ll like it?” Abed asked, needing a sincere confirmation. Jeff gave him a soft look before nodding. “Are you sure you’re okay with doing this for us tonight? I know how you feel about-”

“Of _course_ I’d do it for the two of you.” Jeff said, putting his hands on Abed’s shoulders. “If anybody deserves to get married, it’s you two. This is the only couple I see lasting for the rest of their lives.”

Abed sniffed, trying not to cry. “Thank you.”

Jeff pulled him into a tight hug, gripping the back of Abed’s (well, Troy’s) hoodie. They pulled apart after a moment, laughing awkwardly.

“Alright, I should go meet Annie at the car before she comes looking and ruins the surprise. We’ll be back soon.”

“Right. Sounds good.” Abed smiled, giving a small wave as Jeff left out the side door.

Time to start his present for Troy.

..

When he snuck quietly back into the bedroom, he saw Troy clutching Abed’s pillow against his chest, making Abed’s heart ache. He walked over to his side of the bed, and gently pulled the pillow out of Troy’s arms, wrapping him up instead. Troy slid his hands around Abed’s waist and sighed into his stomach.

“Hi.” He mumbled.

“Good morning, love.” Abed said quietly, rubbing the top of Troy’s head. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Troy said, turning to bury his face in Abed’s stomach. “Is this my hoodie?”

“It might be.” Abed responded, moving his hands to Troy’s back to scratch gently. Abed never got over how soft Troy’s skin was.

“This is my favorite one.” Troy whined.

“Well do you want it back?” Abed asked, continuing to drag his fingers up and down his back.

“No, it’s fine.” Troy drawled out. He pulled himself up Abed’s body to rest his head in the crook of Abed’s neck, placing soft and gentle kisses up and down between the base of his jaw and his shoulder. Abed took a shuddering breath in as Troy continued to place gentle kisses.

“ _Fuck_.” Abed breathed out.

“We can.” Troy responded quietly, sucking gently. Abed felt Troy’s hands grip his waist gently and he had to dismiss every urge to flip Troy onto his back and take him then and there.

“We _can’t_ -” Abed tried to say before feeling Troy reach into his sweatpants and take him into his hand, stroking gently. Abed dropped his head back and let out a throaty groan before taking hold of Troy’s hips and flipping him over. “We’re going to have to make this quick.” Troy’s glassy eyes and small nod were enough to make Abed jump straight in.

..

Abed stepped out of the shower and closed the glass door behind him while Troy finished cleaning himself up and wrapped a towel around his waist. He was admiring Troy’s ass when he was pulled out of his head by someone calling his name.

“Abed!”

Troy immediately shut off the water and pushed open the shower door and stuck his head out. “Please tell me I didn’t just hear a _person_ in our house besides us.”

“Fuck.” Abed cursed as he ran out of the bathroom, holding the towel up on his waist and getting water everywhere as he hurried out.

“Abed!” Troy yelled, quickly getting out of the shower and drying himself off.

Abed skidded to a halt in the living room as he saw the entire group standing in the middle of the room.

“Might wanna tighten up around the waist there, bud.” Jeff gestured at the loose towel, a large box of donuts in his other hand. Abed muttered another curse as he pulled it tighter around himself, hair still dripping wet. “Sorry, they were already walking into the front door when we got back-”

“Abed, honey, do you want to put some clothes on?” Shirley asked in her trademark sweet-yet-condescending tone. Abed barely had his mouth open before Troy walked up next to him, head and face covered by a towel he was using to dry his face and head, mumbling to himself and turning to face his fiancé, blissfully unaware of the people standing two feet from him.

“Abed, what the fu-”

A quick overlap of yelling and greetings gave Troy a quick shock, causing him to almost lose his own towel. Once the initial shock passed, he gave brief, slightly damp hugs to everyone, apologizing for their lack of clothes.

“Surprise.” Abed said sheepishly. Troy turned to him, tears in his eyes, and pulled him into a hug.

“Okay, really guys, _please_ go put on some clothes.” Britta said, turning her head away from the pair.

“Right.” Abed chuckled, rubbing circles on Troy’s back while he apologized for crying. “You guys start eating, we’ll be out in a second.”

Troy slid an arm around Abed’s waist as they walked back to the bedroom, closing the door behind them. Then he playfully hit Abed’s arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, it was an early Christmas gift, even though you don’t celebrate Christmas.” Abed said, handing Troy a pair of underwear to slide on. “And, I kind of had some other surprises, so be prepared.” Abed slid his own pair of boxers on and then pulled on a pair of casual grey dress pants.

“Okay…Can you hand me the black pants I like?” Troy asked, giving him a confused look. Abed turned around to pull the pair of pants off the hanger. Troy pulled them up to his waist then stopped. “Wait.”

Abed finished putting the sleeves on of the white button up he had picked out, but abandoned the buttons, and slid his hands into his pockets. “Yes?”

Troy crossed his arms. “Why are they here?” Abed knitted his brows together.

“Do you…do you not _want_ them here?” He asked, his heart dropping.

“No! No, that’s not it.” Troy quickly stepped into Abed’s personal space and reached for his hands, which Abed gladly offered up. “It’s just…unexpected, is all.”

“I promise that it will be worth it, I just can’t tell you why.” Abed leaned in slightly, a silent asking for a kiss, which Troy gave him. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

Abed smiled. “Good.” He brought Troy’s hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss on his engagement ring.

“I love you.” Troy said as he looked into Abed’s eyes.

“I know.” Abed gave him a quick peck before turning back to the closet. “Now as much as _I_ want you to walk around in just those pants, I don’t think the rest of the group would be as happy with it.” He pulled a blue button up with a pattern off a hanger and handed it gently to Troy, who slid it onto his shoulders and buttoned it, getting it tucked straight before fastening his pants. Abed had finished buttoning his own shirt and pulled a light red sweater on top of it. “Ready?” Abed asked.

“Yeah.” Abed opened their bedroom door and let Troy walk out first, smiling at how Troy beamed as he gave proper hugs to everyone else.

He took a seat opposite Troy and stared lovingly at him as he got caught up with everyone, falling quickly into his own head.

_“I think your partner will like this ring very much.” The jeweler said, smiling at Abed. Abed smiled back at him.  
“I do, too. Would you mind engraving something on the inside of it, though, if it’s not too much trouble?”  
“Of course, sir, what would you like?”  
“‘I know’.” Abed said confidently. Something about it just felt right. He’s always known._

He felt a slight push on his arm, and he looked to his right to see Jeff sat next to him. “All good?” He whispered.

Abed nodded. “I’m great.” Jeff gave him a smile, and then looked over to see Annie not hiding her slight jealousy.

“Abed, where’s the bathroom?” She asked politely.

“I can-” Troy started.

“It’s okay, Troy, you keep catching up. I’ll show her.” Abed stood, walking over to give a gentle kiss to Troy’s cheek, who just shrugged, turning back to Britta to check in on her many cats.

Abed led Annie around the corner and was fully expecting the slight slap of his arm. “What is going on with you and Jeff?” She asked in her quiet, high-pitched, accusatory tone.

“It’s a secret, okay, so don’t give anything away.” Abed said, waiting for a confirmation from her. She nodded excitedly. “Troy and I are gonna get married tonight. Jeff is going to officiate for us.”

Abed could tell Annie was suppressing a huge squeal, so he put a finger to his lips as an indicator to do it quietly. As she did, Abed let out a quiet chuckle. “Okay, I _promise_ to keep it together. But _aww_.” She wrapped him in a tight hug. He hugged her back, then the pair made their way back to the kitchen. At this point, breakfast was almost completely gone, and they were reaching the early afternoon.

Jeff made a face at Abed as they reached the bar, and Abed nodded. Jeff rolled his eyes but smiled a little bit, looking back down at his phone.

“Shirley, Britta, I completely forgot about your bags. Here, follow me.” Abed started, catching sight of their suitcases against the wall.

“Wait, what about Jeff and Annie’s stuff?” Troy asked, looking around.

“Yeah, we kind of got here while you were asleep still.” Jeff said. Troy’s eyes got wide as he looked at Abed.

“They were gone.” Abed confirmed, knowing why Troy looked both terrified and embarrassed. He let out a huge sigh of relief as everyone else groaned, now also aware of why Troy had reacted that way.

“Gross, you guys.” Annie said.

“Yeah, I’m not gonna apologize for that one.” Abed gave a finger gun in her direction, making her roll her eyes.

Britta and Shirley grabbed their bags and followed Abed downstairs, setting their things in their respective rooms as they complimented Abed on the house. By the time they had made their way back upstairs, the TV was on and Troy, Annie, and Jeff were curled up, watching Inspector Spacetime. Abed smiled at the domesticity of it all.

“Mind if we join?” He asked, already plopping down into Troy’s side, giving Annie the opportunity to lay back against his legs.

For a while it felt like old hangouts at Casa Trobedison (affectionately renamed after Annie moved in), where they just sat around and watched television, snuggled up in blankets and bowls of popcorn and snacks getting passed around. Eventually Troy had them shift gears to watch the first of the latest Star Wars trilogy, and the soft blankets came out, and Jeff took it upon himself to get everyone snacks, and soon it was dark outside and they were engrossed in a film.

“Wait!” Abed yelled suddenly, remembering his _plans_ , and quickly excused Jeff and himself to the back patio.

“You forgot.” Jeff said simply.

“I forgot.” Abed repeated back exasperated, face in his hands. He looked at the watch on his wrist. 7:47PM. “We need to get it set up while Troy is distracted, can you and Annie handle that?”

“Of course Annie can handle it.” Jeff replied, looking around at the set up. He pointed to the far end where Abed’s mini garden was set up. “We’ll have the two of you standing there, I’ll obviously be standing against the flower box-”

“Garden.” Abed interrupted. Jeff continued.

“Garden, whatever. And we’ll have Annie and Britta and Shirley sit on that bench right there, we’ll just pull it out.”

Abed nodded, looking around, then checked his watch again. “Okay, I’m going to take Troy to the store, we’ll try to kill some time, I’ll have him get some stuff for dinner, even though we’re probably not going to cook tonight, but that’s fine, and then we’ll-”

“I need you to breathe, buddy.” Jeff said, clapping his shoulder. “We’ll get it taken care of. You take Troy, I’m sure Annie will want to go out and get some stuff to spruce this place up, as she’d say.” Putting those words in quotations. “Go take Troy. We can all handle this.”

Abed looked inside, at Troy laughing at something somebody else had said, and every feeling of anxiety melted out of his body. He looked back at Jeff and nodded, then went back inside.

“Troy, do you mind coming with me to the store, I figured we could grab some stuff for dinner.” He put his hands on Troy’s shoulders, who looked up at him.

“Sure.” He stood up to the disgruntlement of Annie, who had used him as a replacement for Abed, and stretched gently. “You guys do whatever you want. Let me grab a jacket.” He said to Abed.

Abed followed him into the bedroom and touched his arm gently. “Can I pick it out?” Troy cocked his head but shrugged, stepping aside. Abed pulled his own sweater off and grabbed himself a grey blazer to put on, and handed Troy a black blazer.

“Isn’t this a bit fancy for the grocery store?” Troy asked, sliding into it anyways.

“Classic overdressed-for-no-reason trope. I haven’t done it yet.” Abed said simply, looking in the mirror to straighten his collar out, then extended a hand to Troy, who laced their fingers together. They waved to the others on their way out the door, and shot Jeff a wink as he closed the front door behind them.

“My love.” Troy said, bowing slightly as he opened the passenger door for Abed. Abed smiled as he leaned in and kissed him deeply, sighing contentedly as Troy closed the door gently behind him. Troy was soon sat in the driver’s seat, plugging his phone into the aux, and putting a hand on Abed’s thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’ve been in a really good mood today.” He said simply.

“I’m surrounded by the people I love most. Why wouldn’t I be?” Abed said, putting his hand on top of Troy’s.

“You just seem…different.” Troy nodded at his word choice. “Not bad different, just different.” Then he removed his hand to put the car in drive and sent them on their way to the grocery store. All Abed had to do was keep him busy for a half hour or so, which shouldn’t be hard since it takes them forever to go shopping on a regular day.

..

Of course today was the day Troy knew exactly what he wanted, and had no other needs. Despite Abed’s numerous attempts to distract him (out of love), Troy insisted to keep pressing on and sticking with the task at hand.

“We have _guests_ at home, Abed. I don’t want to leave them there forever!” Troy laughed the fifth time Abed asked him if he wanted to get something completely unnecessary.

“But I _really_ think we need more buttered noodles.” He grumbled, though that one was serious because if he remembered correctly, he was running a little low on noodles.

“I _promise_ you will be fine until we can come back a different day to get buttered noodles. I don’t want to leave them all hanging at home.” Troy turned the cart up the next aisle, looking for the spices he needed. Once he found what he needed he turned back to Abed. “Are you okay? Normally this-” he moved his finger back and forth between them. “Is the other way around.”

Abed looked at his watch. 8:32PM. He rubbed the back of his neck. He hoped it had been enough time. “I’m fantastic. Really.” He said quickly when he saw the face Troy had made, obviously not convinced. “I’ll cut it out. We can go.” He put a smile on, hoping it came across sincere enough. Troy stared at him a moment longer, then rolled his eyes and pushed the cart towards the cash registers. While he unloaded the groceries onto the belt, Abed texted Jeff.

**8:36PM  
Leaving soon. Have enough time?**

**8:39PM  
Barely. Annie’s finishing everything up now.**

Abed shoved his phone back into his pocket and pulled his wallet out to pay for the groceries, barely registering anything the clerk was saying. Then Troy aggressively shoved his arm.

“What?” Abed said, looking over at him.

“She was saying she likes your show, babe.” Troy said, cocking his head to the young girl behind the register.

“Sorry, Mr. Nadir, I just recognized you from all the interviews I saw, and I just wanted to say that your show is incredible and I am such a big fan.” She said hurriedly and excitedly.

“I-” Abed swallowed, feeling some tears rise. “Thank you so much. That means so much to me.” Abed put a hand to his chest, and he meant it sincerely. He finished paying, and happily signed the phone case she handed to him as they were putting their bags back in the cart. “Keep up the good work.” He said, waving to her as they left.

“Abed!” Troy said giddily once they were outside. “That was so cool! Have you ever been recognized out in public before?” He asked excitedly.

“No.” Abed said, looking back fondly at the store windows. “That was the first time.” He couldn’t stop smiling. Directors _rarely_ get noticed anyways (excluding the ridiculously popular ones), and to be recognized after his first season was…a remarkable feeling. Like all of his hard work paid off. He helped Troy put the bags in the trunk, and let him be escorted to the passenger side before feeling his phone go off in his pocket.

**8:53PM  
All done. We’re ready when you are.**

Abed smiled and put his phone away as Troy got in the car.

“Ready to go?” He asked as he buckled himself in.

Abed nodded. “Absolutely.”

..

They walked in the front door, Abed holding the grocery bags. The front room was completely empty.

“Where is everyone?” Troy asked, seeming slightly annoyed. Abed set the bags down on the kitchen counter, and took Troy’s hand.

“C’mon.” Abed said gently, pulling him towards the back door.

“But, Abed, the groceries-”

“It’s okay. Just come with me.” Abed said gently, taking in the confused look on Troy’s face.

“Abed-” Troy said as they stepped through the back door. Troy looked to their right to see their friends waiting, a mini alter set up. Jeff stood front and center, hands behind his back, and all four of them were illuminated by tons of candles. He looked back at Abed, tears falling over the edge of his eyes, mouth agape. “Abed.” He said quietly.

“Will you get married to me tonight?” Abed asked just as quietly, wiping the tears gently with his thumbs from Troy’s face. Troy looked back over at their friends, most of them already crying (Jeff being the only exception), and turned back to Abed, nodding. Abed smiled and brought his lips to Troy’s forehead, then took his hand as the two of them walked down the makeshift aisle Annie had made, lined with flowers and candles. When they came to stand in front of Jeff, Abed looked to him and gave a toothy grin. “Thanks for pulling this off.” Abed said, looking back to the girls.

“Anything for you guys.” Jeff said, reaching up to his eyes. “I’m not wiping away a tear, by the way. Just some of the ash from some fire that’s probably burning nearby.” Everyone gave a little chuckle before quieting down again. Jeff took a deep breath and looked between Abed and Troy. “Alright, time to pull a Winger speech out of my ass."

"I'm sure you can make do." Abed joked, earning an eye roll from Jeff.

“For as long as you’ve all known me, I think I’ve made my position on love and marriage and all of that other mushy stuff relatively clear. Sorry to Shirley, for the last time I did this, I’m surprised I was asked again.”

Everyone mumbled about how the last rehearsal had gone, until Jeff gave the symbolic closing-of-the-hand and everyone fell silent again.

“I’m not saying now that I feel any different. In fact, I’m _still_ terrified of commitment. And I _still_ think marriage is a sham. But I look at the two of you, and…” he fell off. He put his head down momentarily, giving a slight sniffle. “I’m sorry.” He laughed, picking his head up again. “Sorry. I look at the two of you, and I’m…amazed. Impressed. I think we all knew from the start, that you guys were going to be closer than any of us. Abed, I know how hard it was for you when Troy left.” He said to Abed, smiling sadly. “But here we are. Almost five years later, and you two are _engaged_.” He scoffed slightly. “I could _never_ do that. No matter how much I wanted to. But you two…you make it look so easy.”

The girls quietly agreed, shooting smiles up at Troy and Abed from their bench.

“It’s not every day you meet your soulmate. It’s a rare and beautiful thing. And it’s even more rare and beautiful when you get to call them your best friend, usually accompanied by ‘in the entire world’.” Abed chuckled at that line, and felt Troy take his hand. He gave a small squeeze. “I think I speak for all of us when I say we could not be more proud of, more excited for, or made better by the both of you.” Troy was crying again, and Abed reached up gently to wipe the tears away again.

“Sorry.” Troy laughed wetly, and everyone else took this opportunity to wipe their own tears.

“I think Abed has something he wants to say.” Jeff said, gesturing to Abed.

He let go of Troy’s hand to reach into his pocket and pull out the folded piece of paper. He cleared his throat, and looked up at Troy. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He laughed and cleared his throat, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I just- I have it all written down and you’re still taking my breath away, pun not intended.” Troy laughed, and Abed fell back into the smile he’d been wearing all day. “Troy Barnes. Everything that I want to say can’t be said in words, but I know that you’ll understand what I mean.” Abed’s hands were shaking slightly as he looked down at his paper, a tear falling gently onto it. “From the day we first met, I knew that you and I were going to be close. I never knew exactly how close, but as our friendship grew, I knew that you were the only person I wanted to be around all the time, even on my bad days and my worse days, and especially on the worst days. You are the only person who has ever _really_ understood me, no offense.” He said, looking around at everyone else, who urged him to keep going. “I know I said it on the night we got engaged, but I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel the way that you make me feel. And for a long time after I said that, I was afraid I would never _really_ be able to commit to that promise. But I know now, standing here in front of you, that I have nothing to worry about. Because you’ve always been there for me, even on a boat a million miles away. I’ll never have to spend another day without you, and I’m fully prepared and ready for this. For a life with you.” He looked up and met Troy’s eyes, tears freely rolling down both of their faces. He shoved the paper back into his pocket, not taking the time to fold it, and wiped at Troy’s face again. “Don’t cry, love.” He laughed quietly. Troy reached up and held his wrists.

“Happy tears.” He said. “This is where I get to talk, right?” He looked at Jeff, who nodded at him, holding a handkerchief in his hand, extending it to Troy. He took it and wiped at his eyes, then gently wiped at Abed’s face. “Thanks.” He laughed at the girl’s chuckles, and took a deep breath in. “Abed, I just want to say first that this is amazing. And completely unexpected, and I love it. I’m assuming Annie did a lot of this, though, so thank you.” He said to her directly.

“It was nothing.” Annie said, wiping underneath her eyes.

“I, um, didn’t prepare anything, obviously.” Abed laughed, taking Troy’s hand in his, rubbing circles with his thumb. “But, I just want to tell you that before you I was lost. Completely and totally unsure of who I was, or where I was going with life, I didn’t know anything. I felt like I hadn’t been myself my entire life, and then I met you, and you showed me it was okay to embrace the parts of life that most people had made me feel ashamed of. But with you, it was normal, and it was fun, and I felt like I could finally breathe. _You_ gave that to me. Freedom. I waited my entire life for you, and I had no idea I was looking for you until I didn’t have you. But I could feel you with me when I was away, and there was never a day I didn’t think about everything you gave me, to get me to that point. And when I came back, I knew I had to find you, because _you_ are the biggest part of _me._ I’m not me without you. You make me so much better. And I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s you and me, Abed. Always, no matter what.” He finished, openly weeping now. So was everyone else, but his was most prominent.

After a moment of quiet tears and sniffling, Jeff cleared his throat. “So, after that, by the power vested in me by the Internet ordaining system, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom.” He barely got the words out before Troy crashed his lips into Abed’s, wet with tears and fully filled with all the love in his body, and Abed finally felt _whole_.

..

The rest of the night was spent in drunken celebration, after _many_ bottles of wine and champagne and scotch, and by the end, they had made a blanket fort in the living room and they were all laid out on the floor on cushions and pillows, some movie on the TV that no one remembers choosing or turning on, and soon, everyone was asleep except for Troy and Abed, who had ended up tangled up in the corner of the fort. Troy was laying on Abed’s stomach, covered by both his and Abed's blazers, the slight smell of alcohol coming off his breath.

"Thank you for this." Troy said, snuggling into Abed's arms more.

"Of course." Abed pressed a kiss onto the side of Troy's cheek.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you, too.” Abed responded quietly.

“I love our friends.” Troy said, looking out at them fondly. Annie and Britta were curled into one another, and Jeff's arm was holding up Shirley's head so it wasn't on the floor. The credits of the movie were rolling quietly in the background.

“Yeah, I love them, too.” Abed said, lazily turning Troy’s head up to face him and putting a deep kiss on his lips. “Should we go to the bedroom, maybe?” He asked gently.

Troy perked up slightly, looking at him with hooded eyes. “God, yes.” Troy said, quickly leaning in again for another kiss. Abed chuckled quietly, and carefully led them out of the fort and into their own bed behind closed doors.

Abed was on top of Troy, enjoying the hushed noises coming from Troy’s mouth, before abruptly stopping.

“Wh-What?” Troy got out, picking his head up, cheeks flushed.

“Troy and Abed got married.” Abed sung quietly. Troy dropped his head back down laughing quietly.

“Troy and Abed got married.” He sung back. Then he reached up for Abed’s collar and pulled him back down gently. “Now can you _please_ go back to doing what you were doing.”

Everything Abed had wanted since freshman year of college, every daydream and imagined life and desire, was in the palm of his hand, currently whimpering out his name and telling him over and over again how much he loved him. Every night that he went to sleep wondering if anyone would ever love him the way Ferris loved Sloane, Noah loved Allie, or Jack loved Rose, he never had to wonder again. Every time he thought maybe he’d end up alone, that he just wasn’t made for this, he wouldn’t have to think about it again. Because here he was, with the love of his life, in the city he always dreamed of living in, doing the work he always knew he was meant to do.

Life was finally getting really, _really_ good.

It was finally Troy and Abed. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> hello again!  
> i'll be honest. right now i have no idea what this will turn into. if you've read my other work you will know i'm in a state of perpetual writer's block/creativity overflow mode, but for completely different things. the absolute WORST combo.  
> i've been rewatching community since they put it back on netflix and you already know i had to make a fix-it reunion fic to help my heart, so here is a 6000 word filler because i needed to do something in the middle of the night and i fell asleep to troy and abed being troy and abed.  
> what will this end up being? a collection of one shots? eventual multi-chapter? the beginning of a series? only time will tell.  
> enjoy this for now, if i create more, than it is the will of the writing gods above, and if not, i hope this isn't too shitty.  
> be well, be safe, be happy. much love to you all in these crazy times.


End file.
